Heaven's message throughout time

Chapter 1

Depression, anger, confusion, and resentment are the feelings I have always felt when it comes to this world. It's impossible to close my eyes to the evil that haunts our neighborhoods and towns. With technology today, it's always in my face. I see murder, rape, abduction, and abuse carried out continually.

No matter where I go, evil exists. I didn't even have to leave my home to face the wickedness of those possessed by evil: torture, abuse, neglect, and trauma. I am appalled by these actions, and rightly so. It's unnatural, and my spirit is repelled by it.

My soul has always been sensitive to the evil around me. It hurts me when I witness and endure wickedness. I turned to drugs, food, sex, and music to try to deny its impact on my spirit. Can I deny it? Is there sand deep enough to bury my senses? Is there a drug strong enough to make me blind to it? Can anything make me forget about it? No.

It's not fun to talk about these things. It's not only depressing, but it's tragic. It turns out that it doesn't have to be a tragedy. My ignorance kept me helpless in my suffering. My ignorance kept me a victim. We all begin our lives ignorant of why things are the way they are.

Since I can remember, evil haunted every sunny day in my life. Even in the mind of a child, evil can twist the soul in a tormenting way. Why is there evil? I trust that everyone asks this question at least once in their life. Yet, no one ever taught me the answers. No one showed me where to find them, either.

But then, there are other questions as well. How do we exist? What is our purpose? What created us? Why are we created at all? Why do we die? What is death? Why do we get sick with a disease? Why are there natural disasters?

These questions haunted me my entire childhood. Eventually, I just wanted it all to end. Death began to look appealing. To me, death meant silence, peace, and nothingness. Since I was young, death seemed to chase me. As I grew older, I began to look forward to it.

I came close to death a few times. Yet death couldn't quite touch me. It seemed as though it was on a chain, and I stood just beyond its reach. It was so close that I felt it's breath on my neck. All the while, it was restrained.

For the longest time, I couldn't understand why I'm kept alive. I could always see that I am kept alive by an invisible force. I later read that we have a Spirit Creator in the Bible. I had so many scary situations happen to me. Divine intervention undoubtedly saved me from some horrid outcomes, so I accepted this explanation. Some of these scenarios are my fault, and others are not. I'll go down the list, but bear with me, these are only the ones that I know.

The first time death tried to get me is when my mom was pregnant with me. Evil tried to persuade her to abort me. I wasn't even supposed to be possible, because she was on birth control. For a long time, I wished that she had gone through with it. Now I'm glad that she didn't.

Then death tried to get me by a faulty heater when I was around eight years old. It caught on fire next to my brother's bed, while I was sleeping in mine. They were right next to each other.

My brother was sleeping in my parent's room at the time. I'm grateful for that. I had no idea that I was sleeping next to a fire. I probably wouldn't have known until I felt it burning me.

What happened was, my dad awoke with a dry throat, and that's when he discovered it. He woke everyone up, and we got out of the house just in time. We lost everything in that fire, but we have our lives. It all happened in the dead of winter too. This tragedy turned out to be a blessing because it eventually led my family to the island Guam. The best part of my childhood was on that island. I miss the ocean and the beaches terribly.

I survived the eight-point two earthquake Guam endured in 1993. I watched as the whole island rolled like the waves surrounding it. Death didn't claim me then, but it could have. I also lived through all the typhoons that hit the island during my stay. I lived there for four and a half years. It doesn't seem like much could happen in that amount of time, but it did.