Let Me Know (Epistolary)

KABANATA 3

So far, I've only talked to Chase and Quinn--or whatever their real names are. Sila pa lang ang nakakausap ko ng matino kahit saglit lang. Why is this website making me more and more curious? Ganito na ba ka-boring ang buhay ko na pagdidiskitahan ko pa pati ang website na 'to? Kung app lang talaga 'to, dinelete ko na sana 'yan ngayon. Mas napapadali tuloy ang pag-access doon dahil sa website lang siya. 

I've never experienced falling in love deeply. My parents hated the thought of me having a boyfriend while studying. Sa paningin nila, makakasira lang ito sa pag-aaral ko. Sa tingin nila ay babagsak nalang ang grades ko bigla kapag nagkaroon ako ng nobyo. Not that I really wanted to have one, anyway.

I've read tons of romance books, making me feel like I was in the shoes of those main characters. Nararamdaman ko at iniisip ko ang sitwasyon nila. I have read a lot of books, enough to tell me that falling in love isn't about how much time you spend with them, or how often you guys are together, but it's in the love both are feeling. I've read a lot of romance books to know that love makes you happy. It makes you do extraordinary things. It makes you want to be with that person and protect your loved ones at all costs. You'd do anything for them. 

I know it happens in real life, but when will I ever experience genuine love? Alam ko naman na mahal ako ng mga magulang at kaibigan ko, but I've never experienced that  kind of love from other people. 

Ang depinisyon ng mga magulang ko sa pagmamahal ay base sa mga kagamitan na binibigay nila sa 'kin. They think material things can already prove they love me as their daughter, but that's not what I want. I want to feel their love for me, young tipong lalabas kami sa mall at kakain, mag-shoshopping, magkukwentuhan, aasarin ako sa crush ko, I want a simple life with a simple family. 

Not everything can be bought with money.

And that's something my parents can't realize. Sa tingin nila kayang punan ng mamahaling bagay ang kawalan nila ng oras at atensyon para sa 'kin. Kinakausap nga lang ata nila ako kapag may ginagawa akong mali, e. O kaya naman sasabihin na dapat mataas ang marka ko o kaya hindi nila ako bibilhan ng kung ano-ano. What am I? A baby?

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𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐆𝐋𝐄

Talk to Strangers!

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Last na kasi 'to, promise! Gusto ko lang naman makahanap ng kausap kahit saglit lang. Kahit makakausap lang, I just have to fill this emptiness in me.

Baka naman kahit dito lang, makahanap ako ng taong magmamahal sa akin ng totoo.

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