My Purple Hippopotamus

Part Four: Molly

The sound around Molly disappeared as her mom's voice became nothing more than mumbles and the last words she spoke hung in the air. Her head throbbed in pain and her stomach ached with the feeling she'd be sick. Molly's hands dropped out of her mom's reach as they sat facing one another unable to go back before the moment and all she thought was how her mom wouldn't remember to love her, leaving her heart broke with nothing to feel as numbness grew inside her. "I don't want to live without you." Molly cried as her mom held her tight in the love of her arms.
Molly steps through the hospital doors allowing for the last true memory of her mother to consume her thoughts and using her as a reminder of why she must push forward. She stops in the entrance way of the hospital, standing in the threshold that can't be cross back and she takes a deep breath needing to take in the importance of where their conversation will lead for it's the beginning of the end. She walks slowly as she wanders down the familiar halls focusing on keeping her memories as she tries to remember everything she's about to forget but reaching his office her mind turns quiet and her hands tremble as she knocks on Levi's open door, unsure if it's because her illness or because there's a churning in her gut.
"Come in, Molly. It's nice to see you." Levi says with a smile, attempting to keep things light, his heart pounding with pain for he hates these moments.
Molly sits down on the chair opposite of Levi. She is sure of her decision and without another choice, having a plan feels better than allowing herself to suffer. Looking into his eyes Molly speaks with confidence despite for the uneasiness that clouds her heart. "It can't wait. As we discussed already, I've made up my mind and I'm sure. I want an medical assisted death." She states.
Levi bows his head with deep sorrow for Molly but he understands her decision despite never experiencing first hand someone diagnosed with Creutzfeldt - Jakob disease because he has the knowledge to recognize that her end would come quickly, she'd lose her mind at a rapid pace and without a cure she won't be saved from death. "Ok Molly I understand and I want you in control so let's start with precisely when." He asks.
"Not at any time." Max shouts as he storms into the office and he reaches out for Molly's hand. "Let's go. I'm taking you home." He says with watered eyes.
Molly looks up at Max in shock as wonder comes to her mind unaware that he entered their conversation, assuming he was still at home asleep in their bed and unknowingly waiting for the note she wrote him. "I have to do this. Did you read my letter?" She asks.
Max throws Molly's hand written note in her face. "This is bullshit Molly you're forty years old, this may not even be CJD and you're not taking your life." He yells.
Molly crumbles the papers inside her hand upset that Max won't stand by her side. "I've took every test and I'm experiencing symptoms." Molly says as she raises her voice. "I watched my mother go through this Max. I'm positive of the diagnosis and I am ending my life by choice before the disease progresses more." She yells and as tears fall from her eyes growing vulnerable to her feelings she lowers her breaking voice. "I won't let you and the kids suffer as I lose my mind." She says as she falls silent.
Max nods his head in disbelief, unwilling to accept Molly's surrender for his heart isn't ready to let her go. "How could you stand here and tell me that you want to die?" He pleads with her.
Levi stands to consolidate Max. "She's already dying. There is no cure." Levi says in hopes Max will understand that Molly isn't choosing to die only choosing to die sooner.
Max is pushed closer to reality and rather than feel his feelings he shields himself with anger as he throws a punch, hitting Levi in the mouth.
Nadine watches Levi cover his bloody lip as she stand in the hallway with Lori and Delilah. She takes their hands in each of hers. "Let's go explore." She says to distract them.
Lori squeezes out from Nadine's grip. At twelve years of age especially dealing with her mother's illness she has grown up and feels she doesn't need protection. "We can't walk around the hospital it's the middle of the night, we aren't even supposed to be here." She states.
Delilah wiggles with excitement inside her muck boots. She noticed two children equip with flashlights run around the corner and her tiredness has disappeared. "I want to go explore." She begs as she pulls on Nadine's hand.
Nadine nods her head with a smile as she shuts the harsh reality out and finds her inner child for one night. "No one is watching us, a little fun can't hurt." She says and she allows Delilah to take the lead, running off to follow the light and leaving Lori without a choice but to follow or be left behind.
Finley rolls out from under the gurney as the sheet is thrown off of it and upset he has been caught too, he runs from Dallas and Eloise. "The light didn't hit me." He shouts as he turns the corner, hitting directly into Delilah and accidentally shoving her into Nadine; the two falling to the ground from the strong impact and sending himself down as well.
Lori reaches Nadine and Delilah. She stands above them with a smirk and helping them both to their feet she laughs. "I told you not to leave." She says.
Nadine rolls her eyes as she dust off the dirt from Delilah and herself.
Dallas and Eloise catch up to Finley and their curious minds bring wonder to their thoughts left staring at the strangers and each with a guess inside their head to which of the three are sick. "Hello." Eloise waves at Nadine, Lori and Delilah.
"Hello." The Ably girls say simultaneously.
"What are you playing?" Delilah asks as she looks down at the purple hippopotamus holding a flashlight in Eloise's hand.
"Flashlight, hide and seek. Do you want to play?" Eloise says with thrill.
Delilah shakes her head happily. "We'd love to." She says.
Eloise smiles and she hands Dallas's flashlight to Nadine. She looks at everyone and voices her plan. "Finley and Dallas can be a pair, the two older girls can be another and you and I can hide first." She says as she takes Delilah's hand in her other hand.
Everyone nods their heads in agreement and Eloise and Delilah run off together, staying hand in hand as Eloise shares her secret hiding place; under the operating table. "My brothers are too scared to come in here, they're leave it until last." She whispers.
Delilah smiles softly with fear in the corner of her lip, slightly on edge as the dark room looks like something out of the horror movies. "You must play a lot." She suggest as Eloise appears to be quite comfortable.
"Why do you suggest?" Eloise asks as her curiosity remains high with fascination of her new friend.
"You don't seem scared to be in here." Delilah says.
"I've lived in and out of the hospital for all I can remember, the operating room is just another room for me." Eloise says with caution and praying Delilah won't be scared away by her sickness like most children.
Delilah looks down at the light glowing against the floor unsure of how to react to Eloise's words as she is stunned to learn that a child the same age as her, is sick. "My mom is sick too." Delilah says to connect with Eloise.
Eloise leans her head down against Delilah's shoulder. "How long?" She asks.
"I'm not sure. I think she's been getting medicine here, maybe everyday for weeks." Delilah says not confident with her information for she is only recalling it from something Lori told her.
"Is your mom, Molly?" Eloise questions, knowing now why she hasn't been able to get that stare out of her mind; thinking this entire time that she's seen it before.
"Yes." Delilah says intrigued.
"You're Delilah, aren't you? Just a year older than I am." Eloise states from information Molly has shared with her.
"Yes I am. You know her?" Delilah asks with interest.
"She's my friend. I talk with her everyday." Eloise says with a smile.
"Am I your friend?" Delilah asks.
"Yeah new friends." Eloise takes Delilah's hand in hers.
"I think she's dying." Delilah whispers.
Eloise is left speechless and takes a chance with the words Connor told her on the day they met. "Don't be afraid because we all meet again in the end." She says.
Delilah leans her head against Eloise rested head. "I don't want to lose you."
"We'd be fighting the inevitable but you can always find me because I'll stay within Diego." Eloise says as she holds up her purple hippopotamus. "This is Diego."
Delilah smiles at her stuffed hippo. "Nice to meet you Diego." She's says and as their words grow silent, their laughter takes over and their giggles flow into the hallway, going unnoticed by Molly as she storms by.
Molly punches the wall in rage for Max accused her of acting cowardly and she falls to the floor before the second impact as her emotions take ahold of her and drag her into her worst sadness as she drops her head into her knees and crying silently as she gives in.
Jason steps into the hallway wondering who has woken him, wishing they had been louder and could have woken Casey. He sits down beside Molly. "What's the matter?" He questions with concern.
Molly lifts her head as she wipes away her tears. "I'm fine. Sorry if I woke you." She says as she stands to her feet. "I shouldn't even be here." She states, ready to leave.
"Don't go. Stay just for a little." Jason's begs her, tired of the silence that surrounds him as his words remain in the empty air; talking to his wife who can't respond.
Molly nods her head and turns to face Jason, leaning against the wall for comfort. "Ok. I'll stay a moment." She says.
He smiles grateful because any break in the silence feels to him like hours. "My name is Jason." He says as he reaches his hand out to her.
She takes his hand. "I'm Molly."
Jason looks into her eyes. "You look upset." He states.
She drops eye contact as embarrassment sets in, imagining how her face must appear. "Things aren't good for me right now." She stumbles on her words.
He nods his head in agreement as her words mirror his thoughts. "I understand the feeling. What's keeping you awake?" He asks as he pounders the possibilities.
The question hits her more than she'd expect as she grasps his words. She hasn't asked herself, what is it inside her heart that has made her desire an early death? As his question forces her to explore her reasoning, she comes to realize, it's her nightmares. She was defenceless watching her mom lose her mind, her personality taken from her and creating strangers of them. The burden of taking care of someone as her sight, sound and movement disappeared, left scars deep inside Molly's heart and gave her pain that never healed and she won't do it to her children. "My mom." She answers him.
"Is she sick?" Jason questions.
Molly shakes her head. "No, she passed away. It's how she died that's keeping me awake." She says with fear in her voice, overwhelmed by her reality as she contemplates taking her own life or allowing her illness to kill her but not before she loses her mind.
"Are you afraid that you'll die the same way?" Jason's asks trying to understand her story.
Molly shakes her head again. "No, I'm afraid of my kids having to watch me die the way she had." She says, favouring heavy with her choice to end life early.
"Are you sick, the same as your mom?" Jason asks, praying she isn't, realizing by the sound of it, if she is sick, she won't survive.
"I am." Molly says simply as the answer is simple. She has come to terms with having to die, left only with fear for what will happen if she allows her illness to progress.
Molly's reality leaves Jason weak, he hadn't excepted her to be the one who's dying and unfamiliar with having to feel such fear, he is at a loss for any meaningful words for her. "I'm sorry." He whispers.
Molly appreciates Jason and is glad he asked her to stay, as he gave her the insight she needed. "Thank you." She says kindly.
The rain tapping loudly against the window and thunder replace their voices as they fall silent because words can't describe how they feel and the lights flicker; a flash of lighting striking brightly in the second of darkness and the storm grows, threatening a power outage as they stare at each other, standing still in the comfort of knowing they're not alone but Molly is taken from the moment as a flashlight beam, shines across their faces, causing her to notice, Nadine and Lori wandering by. She is stunned to see them as Max hadn't informed her how he dragged their children out of bed to come here. Molly steps out in front of them to force them to stop. "What are you two up to?" She questions.
Their faces drop as they hadn't excepted to be caught, thinking their parents would both remain in Levi's office. "We were bored." Nadine says innocently.
Molly notices Delilah's missing presence. "Where's your sister?" She questions with concern.
"She's with a girl. We're playing hide and seek." Nadine says to ease Molly's mind.
Molly sets her hand on Jason's shoulder to say goodbye and she leaves him as the need of her children replaces hers. Looking at Nadine and Lori, Molly leads them forward. "Let's find her and get you kids home." She says. They walk the vacant halls, looking under any gurney they pass, all the dark corners, stoping to check inside the empty rooms and opening every unlocked door. A sharp noise crackles through the halls as complete darkness settles in around them and Delilah's scream echoes around the corner, exposing her fear and Molly rushes forward.
Delilah jumps into her arms. "Mommy." She cries.
"I thought you weren't alone." Molly asks as she holds Delilah in her arms.
Delilah rests her head against Molly, relived now that she's safe. "I wasn't but Eloise felt faint and needed to go back to bed, so her brothers took her." Delilah explains.
Molly purposely overlooks the time her children had, considering the situation their father placed them in. "It's ok let's just get you kids home." She lifts Delilah in her arms and walks forward, leading them back to where they left.
"Hello." Levi says as he turns to face them.
Molly smiles as she sets Delilah to her feet and moves further into the office. She's happy to have interrupted a conversation between Max and Levi, sounding as Levi has convinced Max that what she must do is her best option.
Max walks towards Molly as quickly as his feet will take him and as she falls into his chest he wraps his arms around her. "I'm sorry my dear." He says knowing there isn't words to excuse him but starting with an apology feels right.
Molly leaves a kiss on his lips. "Don't be." She says as they fall out of one another's hold. She looks at Levi and smiles and nods to thank him for all he's done for her but most importantly for giving her the peace of Max's acceptance.
Levi bows his head in response. He walks around his desk and stops in the doorway. "Let me get you'll settled in a room, the storm is at its worst and the roads are unsafe." He says leaving them without a choice.
Molly smiles. "Thank you, we appreciate it." She says honestly.
"It's my pleasure." Levi says as he leads the Ably family out of his office and down the hall to the nearest on call room. He opens the door and as he moves himself out of the way, directing them inside. "You can sleep in here for the night." He says.
"Thank you." Max says as he takes Molly's hand and leads their inside. Nadine and Lori are first to lay down, taking the top and bottom beds of the bunk and Delilah climbs in with Nadine as they all close their tired eyes.
"Ok I'll see you tomorrow for your last dose of medicine and we'll discuss what comes next." Levi whispers.
"Ok. Thank you again and goodnight." Molly whispers in return. She shuts the door as Levi leaves them to rest and lays in bed with Max, resting her head on his chest, closing her eyes and drifting to sleep in the comfort of his calm breathing.
#
Molly lays with her eyes closed not wanting to open them; longing to stay in the moment between unconsciousness and awareness where she can pretend she isn't sick and has more time to be alone with Max, to watch her children grow into adults just to amaze her and to love them all desperately as nothing else matters and in a way she has only thought of now, realizing that too much of life is wasted on forgetting that love is truly the greatest thing. She stays calm as she listens to all the life in the room, appreciating everything she has been given and finding peace in knowing that she won't be forgotten and will live on inside of their hearts but as thunder cracks and lighting glows across the sky; flashing in through the window and in front of her face, Molly is pulled from her imaginary world and dragged her into reality as her eyes open. She drops her feet to the ground as her heavy thoughts weigh her under and she cannot lay still any longer in fear if she allows herself to think she'll cry. She quietly tiptoes out of the room and shuts the door behind her and as she wanders down the hallways as the hospital slowly comes to life with early morning's arrival, she takes each step reliving the moment she met Eloise for the familiar path reminds her of her.
Molly walked down the unfamiliar halls confused as she tried to navigate her way out of the hospital, accidentally leading herself into the path of a young girl and stumbling into her, causing her to drop her stuffed hippopotamus. She bent down and handed the hippopotamus back to the young girl and as she walked away she found herself drawn by the rare connection they found from when their eyes met.
As Molly pushes open the double doors and steps into the emergency room, she'll never forget the first thing Eloise's said to her.
Molly held her hand pressed against the closed door, left frozen from the words the young girl spoke. She turned to face her and looked into her simple light blue eyes. "Well, we shouldn't let the opportunity pass, I guess." Molly responded, leading them into an hour conversation and proving Eloise right, for if they hadn't taken that moment to talk than they would have missed out on a wonderful friendship and Molly wouldn't have found the love she needed that led her to see the world in Eloise's eyes, allowing Molly to find a sense of peace because instead of trying to find the meaning of life, she simply found the meaning of her life, for as Eloise says, each person has their own purpose and Molly's purpose is found in her children.
Molly squeezes through a crowd of people making her way to the other side, found, inadvertently in the middle of an emergency. She reaches the nurse's station and as she leans against the desk, she overhears a woman ask about her boyfriend; who has been in an accident. The nurse directs the woman into the waiting room and Molly takes her place. "There's been an accident?" Molly questions.
"A car crash on the bridge off 89." The nurse responds, answering a phone call as her words leave her lips.
"That's sad." Molly says under her breath for no one is paying attention to her. She turns away from the desk but unable to take a step forward, she remains stalled as a gurney races by. Staring at the injured man; fighting the surgeon to get off. Molly turns pale and her stomach drops as her eyes fixate on the red lines running up his chest and she is left astonished from the intrigue of his injury and in need to know more she gently pulls the woman; following beside him, to her. "Was he in the car crash?" She asks with doubt.
Molly's touch draws Olivia's attention away from her husband's and she looks over at her, lightheaded, the world around her coming into focus as she is pulled from her head that had trapped her in slow motion. "Pardon?" She asks as she saw Molly's lips move but hadn't heard words.
"What happened to him?" Molly rephrases her question.
"He was struck by lightning." Olivia says quietly, too sacred of speaking loudly as if she can keep him safe from harm with her soft words.
"I'm sorry." Molly says sincerely looking into Olivia's winter blue eyes, meeting her gaze and falling into a calm, the world slowing around them as their heart rates slow and breathing steadies but unable to hold the serenity as reality pushes them out, they're forced to continue, each their separate way and they drop their eyes from the each other.
Molly rounds the corner and the doors close behind her, shutting out the deafening sounds from the emergency room and brining her back into the quiet as she walks, each step pulling her into an unsettling calmness. She sprints down the hall, fighting away the demons that threat to consume her thoughts, not wanting the tears that sit behind her eyes to come because she isn't ready for the pain that will follow as her mind tries to understand her near death. She catches sight of the on call room, feeling miles away but as Delilah turns the corner and strolls down the hallway, relief settles in and with a smile, Molly runs freely as her emotions escape her. Meeting at the door to the on call room, Molly drops to her knees and takes Delilah in her arms, holding her tight, taking in her warmth and picking her up as she stands to her feet. "Good morning baby." Molly says adoringly.
Delilah kisses Molly's check. "Good morning mommy." She says happily.
"Did you take a walk?" Molly wonders.
"I wanted to find Eloise." Delilah says disappointedly as she wasn't successful.
"You've met Eloise?" Molly says gladly having wanted them to meet for they're remarkably similar but infinitely different and they would compliment each other well.
"Yeah but I couldn't find her today, I only came across a broken hearted man." Delilah states sadly and charmed.
"Oh. I hope he finds happiness." Molly says confounded as a wave of grief hits her without warning and she catches on again that her certain death is stealing any chance she has for Delilah, Lori or Nadine to continue to surprise her. She places her hand on the back of Delilah's head and as she holds onto the image she longs to keep after she's gone. Molly smiles at her. "Let's get you and your sisters home." She says knowing she has to let go and carries her into the room, setting her to her feet and leaving a kiss on top of her head.
Delilah leaves Molly's grasps and takes a hold of Nadine's hand. "It's time to go." She says as she looks at both Nadine and Lori.
"Can you kids wait in the car and your dad will be there in a minute to take you home and I'll be home later." Molly asks.
The girls quickly listen to their mom as they're excited to return home, leaving Max and Molly alone.
Max holds Molly's hand. "I'm afraid." He states as he isn't ready for their last day together, knowing when she arrives home it will be goodbye.
"I know my love, so am I." Molly says and leaving a gentle kiss on his lips and placing her mouth to his ears, she whispers. "I wish I didn't have to leave you."
Tears fall from Max's eyes. "I'll see you soon my dear." He softly says as he disappears into the hall.
Left alone Molly fights to keep herself together and before she is given the chance to break down, she tells her feet to move, ignoring her need to cry. She walks slowly down the halls, taking in every sound, every voice, every smile and every tear as she passes by each room, realizing that this is her last look into the window of other's lives and as unimportant they had alway felt to her, she knows now that they matter and she prays for them. She pushes open the clinic doors and rests down as she reaches her chair, rolling her sleeve and placing her arm on the armrest.
Levi enters the clinic and with heavy eyes he walks to Molly. "Good morning, how are you feeling?" He asks knowing she probably isn't well but does so to keep her day light.
Molly relaxes against the chair and shuts her eyes, taking deep breaths to keep calm and quite her thoughts. "I'm alright, the hardest part is yet to come." She says thinking of her children, knowing it will be impossible for them to understand.
"I'm sorry Molly." Levi says sincerely, finding it hard to bare. He places the IV into Molly's arm and squeezes her hand before stepping back.
"Is it quick? I want to be able to tell them not to worry for me." Molly questions planning in her head what she'll say to them.
"It's kind of like falling asleep." He says softly not to scare her.
Molly falls silent as her breathing turns sharp, terrified to at the thought of falling asleep and never open her eyes again.
Levi turns away from Molly as a wave of sadness overcomes him. "I'll leave you to rest and I'll see you tomorrow." He says, his voice cracking under his breath and with each step he takes from her, he desperately fights his tears away, leaving her alone.
Tears escape Molly's closed eyes as the silence defeats her and she releases every fear she's had and has been weighing her down but with a smile she laughs as lightness replaces all her worries, relieved she's surrendered to them. She wipes the tears from under her eyes as she realizes she isn't alone, a presence replacing Levi's.
"Good morning." Eloise says as she reaches Molly.
Molly opens her eyes to the familiar small voice and smiles as she takes Eloise's hand, happy to see her but staring back at her with a wrecked heart, upset that someone so little is dying. "Good morning Eloise and how are you?" Molly asks genuinely.
"I feel good today." Eloise says hesitantly as her terrified eyes stare at the IV.
"That's good my darling." Molly says as more tears threat to come, wanting; wildly for Eloise to live and holding hope in her mind for her, knowing it's too late for herself but by miracle maybe Eloise can be saved.
"Promise me you'll teach me how to dance the way you do, when we get better." Eloise asks with exhaustion in her eyes, staring at Molly and pleading for hope.
Feeling death linger in the air around them, Molly wraps her arms around Eloise as there isn't anything she can do but comfort her. "I promise." She says under her breath as she isn't strong enough to keep herself from crying. She rests her head back against the chair as Eloise finds comfort in her arms and allowing for the quietness to settle, Molly listens as Eloise's rasping breaths steady and she falls asleep. Molly shuts her eyes again, finding joy in Eloise's closeness for it draws her nearer to her children and brings her love that she needs as her time for these embraces is coming to an end. As she listens to Eloise's heart beating against her chest and the drug numbs her body, she finds peace and relaxes in their time spent together.
Bethany wanders over to Molly and gently picks up Eloise into her arms as she has Molly's end time memorized and knows very well that Eloise isn't strong enough to walk back to her room on her own.
"Bye." Eloise says softly barely awake.
Molly rubs Eloise's foot devastated that she can't conjure the courage to explain to her that it is goodbye for more than just the moment. "Goodbye my love." She says unable to smile meaningfully as her heart aches watching Eloise leave, to never see her again.
Bethany; unaware of Molly's planned death, smiles at Molly as she always does. "Have a good day." she says and she leaves with Eloise in her arms as Lillian takes their place.
"She's a special girl; Eloise, isn't she?" Lillian says as removes Molly's IV.
"She is." Molly says greatly upset as the door closes and Eloise disappears.
"I'm about to tell her mother that her results aren't good." Lillian says in sorrow.
Lillian's words rush to Molly's head and leave her feeling faint as she bends over and is sick to her stomach, unable to withstand the fact that Eloise's fate is the same as her own.
Lillian rushes to Molly's side. "Are you alright?"
Molly stands tall, pushing Eloise from her mind praying she'll do the impossible and live despite the odds. "I'm alright." Molly says.
Lillian looks down at her vibrating phone as she steps back. "It feels like a life time ago that I've seen his name light up my phone." Lillian mumbles. She looks back to Molly and with saddened eyes she prepares herself for the words on her mind. "I heard about tomorrow, I'm sorry Molly." Lillian says as her eyes water.
Molly nods her head in appreciation. "I'm sorry too." She says in sorrow for herself and since nothing can change her fate, she quietly leaves without a goodbye because now, the word only scares her.
"I'll miss you." Lillian whispers as she watches Molly push open the doors and leaves out into the rain.

The end.