My Purple Hippopotamus

Part Six: Lillian

A flash of lighting brightens the unlit house for only a moment and drawing Lillian's eyes to the handwritten note on the counter. She reads Connor's message, telling her he went out but forgetting to inform her when he'll be home and breaking her heart as she can imagine him standing before her with his sullen eyes, looking through her as he speaks. "I'll talk to the kid, for her and not you." He'd say with anger in his voice.
Lillian drops the note to the floor as if it's unimportant, unwilling to allow his words to hurt her again and with a rumble of thunder the house goes pitch black as she turns the evening news off, paying no attention to the woman warning everyone of a huge storm. She locks the front door to her house and protecting herself under her jacket, she runs out into the rain and into her car. Her head is full of thoughts as she drives down the street, blaming herself for Connor's resentment toward her and puzzled as she wonders what she did wrong and how they ended up here but as she arrives at the hospital her line of thinking instantly dulls and she falls into thought of her patients, preparing herself for the next twenty four hours for she has agreed to a double shift, finding more love within these four walls than at home. She steps out of her car and looks over at the opening ambulance doors as the siren comes to a slow and fade to silent, shielding her face from the red and white lights as she passes by and blocking her sight from the paramedics as they pull the stretcher out of the back.
"Alex Cason, age seventeen, minor head injury and a blood alcohol level of point zero eight." Stan says out loud to get Levi get up to speed as he is met at the emergency doors.
Connor steps out of the ambulance, following the stretcher inside. "We were only kidding around. Is he going to be alight?" He asks with a slur in his words.
Levi and Stan carry the stretcher through the unpredictable but usual chaos of the emergency room and find Alex an empty bed, placing him gently down and Levi starts his exam as Stan leaves. "His vitals are good, that knife laceration is a slight concern but he'll survive." Levi informs Connor.
"We won't get in trouble, will we?" Connor asks nervously.
Levi scribbles notes on Alex's chart as he intentionality neglects to answer Connor's question,  keeping both boys in the dark and holding back his knowledge of how he won't be contacting the police in hopes he can scare them to make better choices.  "I'll have someone come by and stitch up his forehead." Levi says as he leaves the boys to sweat it out.
Feeling unsteady Connor rests down on the edge of Alex's bed. "How are you feeling?" He asks Alex.
"Alright." Alex says. "Do you think Ella's still gonna wanna come with me tomorrow morning? She watched me lose the fight, you should have let me won."  Alex says embarrassed.
"She said she'd go, nothing has changed." Connor states confidently, being close with Ella for a long time, he knows how kind she is.
"You're cool with her and I, right?" Alex questions Connor again despite knowing his answer because with the look Connor gets in his eyes every time Alex is still unconvinced they've let go of one another.
Connor smirks at Alex for getting ahead of himself. "You're not a couple, you're barely friends and I said already, if it comes to it, I'll." Connor's words slip his mind as his sentence is cut short and he drops to the floor to keep out of his mother's sight. As he lays against the sterile white tiles and breaths in the citrus smell; the scent familiar to him, he finds himself recalling his childhood memory, strongly inside his mind and almost as he is there now.
The citrus scent surrounded Connor as he stared down at his sneakers upon the glossy tiled floors. His music played loudly in his ears replacing every other sound around him and running through his entire body, the song like an emotion; pumping his blood as the beat echoed wide and far, leading him to another headspace and taking him high as the lyrics spoke the words he felt. In anger, Connor stood in front of his mother with his hands curled into fists and as blood dripped from his lip and tears poured from his eyes he looked up at her with hate inside his heart and blame in his stare, holding her accountable for the rage he displayed when his classmate told him he was worthless and that was why his father ran away. Lillian held her hands against her face in shock, staring down at Connor and wondering why he let his temper get the best of him. Connor watched as she spoke to him, assuming her words were harsh for the look in her eyes suggested so but distracted by his thoughts, her words flew passed him and as his head pulls him from his memory he can't recall what she said, realizing he honestly hadn't heard her.
Looking at her now he wonders why he's allowed their love to stray so far but his stubborn heart pounding inside his chest keeps him down.
Noticing his black shoes, sideways on the floor and recognizing the logo on the edge, Lillian's eyes trace up his jeans and as she reaches his face her fear grows for her worry is confirmed and she stands staring at Connor but her instinct to rush over is quickly dismissed as she realizes he's alright and is simply hiding. Her heart sinks and her eyes grow heavy as she rushes out of the emergency room and into the stairwell. She holds her head and falls to her knees for she can't shake the feeling as it comes rushing back to her like fire blazing through a forest, left in disbelief that after all these years, this one mistake still hunts her. She screams in pain that she can't physically feel but it pounds inside her head and heart and the whispers of the past takeover her mind again before she has a chance to stop it.
Lillian stood staring out at the dirt in the air that had been picked up in her driveway as it danced around his wheels, his headlights shining across her face. She stood in the open door watching Dakota and pondering a hundred reasons why he had come home. His footsteps sounded heavy against the gravel and his breathing could be heard from where she stood, anxiously waiting for him to reach her and regretting the days she wished for him back. He stopped a foot from her with apologetic eyes and in the silence between them she braced herself for his words that were yet to come, drowning in returning heartbreak for he abandoned her and Connor like a coward and left them with a one lined note stating how he thinks they've fallen out of love and nothing more, not even goodbye. His quiet voice broke the silence and like his reckless sole he didn't even realize the mess he made. "I want to come home." He stated casually.
And the same as the slamming door had, Lillian is startled. She stands to her feet and dries her eyes and paces back and forth as she catches her breath. She is filled with remorse as she pleads to herself and wishes she hadn't reacted so quickly, upset that her one choice has dragged her this far away from Connor.
Eloise's smile warms Connor's heart as he walks into her room. He stands by her bed and smiles in return and as he looks at her, she is exactly what he imagined from Lillian's words. "Hi Eloise, I'm Connor. Its nice to meet you." He says quietly as his head pounds inside his ears.
"It's nice to meet you too." Eloise says, her words shaky as she speaks for she's feeling weaker than yesterday as her body grows colder. "We're the same you and I." She says, speaking instantly into her intention to help Lillian to not leave her without love.
"How so?" Connor questions.
"I know how it feels to be abandoned and I know blame is hard to run from but your mom isn't at fault."  Eloise says boldly.
Connor's blood runs hot inside his veins, upset with Eloise and surprised at her for causally speaking upon something so personal and disregarding how he may feel toward the subject. "I'd rather we not talk about this." He says gently as he fights to keep calm.
Eloise nods her head in understanding. "Just keep in mind that everything can change in an instant. Ok?" She asks, hoping her words will convince him to reconsider how he thinks about his mom.
Connor nods his head in agreement. His heart rate slows and he composes himself, realizing her  love for his mother and how she simply wanted to help, meaning him no harm. "Are you scared?" He asks cautiously as he believes she's preparing for her death.
"Everyday." Eloise states candidly as she assumes Connor can handle the intensity of her truth, feeling relieved in the openness.
"I'm sorry." He states sadly. "Don't be afraid because we all meet again in the end. Ok?" He asks, hoping his words will help her as he realizes she should have been more sympathetic to her illness.
"I'll try." Eloise smiles. "Thank you, Connor." She says sincerely.
"Anytime Eloise." Connor says genuinely with warmth in his heart and as his mind rethinks his childhood with guilt, realizing that maybe he was too hard on his mother he takes Eloise's hand, glad he's met her.
Eloise squeezes Connor's hand as to tell him everything will be alright and as her exhausted body begs her for rest, no longer able to keep her eyes open she closes them. " I'll meet you again, one day." She whispers.
A tear falls from Connor's eye. "I look forward to it." He whispers in return and quietly he leaves her to rest.
"Come with me before the sun goes down, I have a surprise." Lillian says gently, sweeping Eloise's sweaty hair from her face as she wakes her.
Eloise opens her tired eyes as joy consumes her body and the familiar voice fills her with energy. "I don't like surprises." She says hesitant to move out of bed.
Lillian takes Eloise's hand. "You'll like this one. I promise." She says hoping to convince Eloise to follow her.
Eloise sits up in her bed, tempted to find out where Lillian wants to take her. "You're not supposed to make promise you can't keep. What if I don't like it?" She asks.
Lillian pulls Eloise out of bed and to her feet. "Honestly, don't you trust me Loly?" Lillian asks kindly as she drags her into the hallway and she drops her hands from hers to give her the choice to stay or go. "What do you say?"
Eloise stares at her bed and over at Lillian and although her head has learned to fear the unknown and never hold someone to their promises, she ignores the hurt inside her gut and follows her heart. "Ok, I wanna come." She says with a nervous smile.
"I'm glad." Lillian says as she lifts her arms in the air with excitement and reaches for Eloise's hand again.
Eloise takes Lillian's hand, putting her trust in her as she allows her to lead her to the elevator and take her down to the main floor. They step into the entrance lobby and walk across the slate floors, Eloise out of breath with each stride as they near the main doors for she hasn't used this much energy since before her tumour came back. They step outside and the earthy aroma of oak and fresh grass overpowers Eloise as rain pours down on her skin, catching it in her hands with joy. She looks up at Lillian and smiles as they stroll down the tree lined path and doesn't dare ask what her surprise is as she doesn't want to break the silence for she hasn't been this close to heaven without fear before and she doesn't want to ruin it. They round the bend and colours bloom all around them as the sweet scents of beautiful flowers guide them along and the sound of birds fly in the air above them and bees hum beside them.
Lillian steps off the path and stops in the middle of the garden, Eloise following behind her smiling with uncertainty and wonder as they kneel down beside a hole in the ground. "Open your hands." Lillian says as she reaches into her pocket.
Eloise looks down at the earth dug from the ground with terror in her heart as dark thoughts consume her, forcing her to imagine the dirt that she'll be buried beneath and suddenly the fear she feels when she thinks of heaven takes her and she stands to her feet. "I can't."  She says as she backs away.
Lillian wraps her arm around Eloise and she pulls her to her side. "It's okay Loly, whatever you're scared of, you're not alone." She says quietly.
Eloise falls into Lillian, weakened by her tears. "What about when I die, I'll be alone than." Eloise cries.
Lillian holds Eloise in her arms and as she runs her hands along her back, she is reminded of when Connor was young and how his small hands held her. "You're not alone though, mommy. I still love you."
Lillian listens as his whispers breathe into her ear and she holds Eloise to face her. "I don't know what comes next Loly but I know you won't be alone." She says as she wipes Eloise's tears away.
Eloise inhales deeply as Lillian's closeness calms her and she exhales strongly as her fear washes away. "I wish you could be there with me." She says as she opens her hands.
Lillian drops the seeds from her pocket into Eloise's hand. "We won't see one another but I'll be with you because I need you as much as you need me, I love you Eloise." Lillian says with an ache in her heart, dreading the day they'll have to say goodbye. "That's why I brought you here so you could plant these seeds and they'll grow forever wild in memory of you." Lillian says quietly as tears escape her eyes.
Eloise smiles with love inside her heart. "I like that." She says as she buries the seeds underneath the dirt.
"Now anytime I don't want to be without you, I'll come here." Lillian says as she stands to her feet with Eloise in her arms.
"And I'll be here waiting for you, every time." Eloise says as she rest her head in Lillian's shoulder.
Lillian carries Eloise back down the flowered trail and as they round the bend and continue down the tree lined path, thunder rumbles in the distance threatening a storm. Lillian turns into the parking lot and runs beside cars, her best thought to keep them safe for lighting strikes ahead and as the heavy rain pours down, hitting the pavement, the doors closes behind them and they make it inside. They giggle through the halls, finding their adventure worth the laughter but as they turn into Eloise's room their smiles fade instantly and the uneasy atmosphere takes over.
Levi sits on her bed with Bethany. "Come sit next to me." He says to Eloise.
Lillian sets Eloise to her feet and watches Levi curiosity as Eloise makes herself comfortable in her mom's lap.
Levi takes Eloise's hand and looks calmly at her. "Have you heard of organ donation?" He questions.
Eloise nods her head yes as chills run inside her bones.
Levi nods his head in return, glad she understands. "You could donate everything except your heart and valves. You'd save seven people's lives and improve the lives of another forty six people. Is that something you might want to do?" He asks gently.
Eloise is stunned as she stares at the demons inside Levi's eyes, left speechless and upset because she isn't ready to think about her heart as anyone's but hers. She rips her mom's arms off from around her and jumps off her lap. "I don't know." She mutterers as anger floods her and she runs passed Lillian and out of her reach, the look in her eyes reminding Lillian of Connor and pulling her into the past.
The snow blew into the cozy house and it carried in with the wind and landed softly on the floor at Connor's feet as he stomped inside and slammed the door behind him. Lillian came to greet him; holding a mug full of hot chocolate topped with whipped cream and sprinkles for she excepted he'd want something special to warm him but he only looked at her with anger filled eyes and ran passed her. "He didn't show up." He yelled at her.
Lillian raced to comfort him, setting the mug upon the nearest surface but as she reached the door to his room she couldn't get in for he had found a way to lock it. "Honey, I'm so sorry." She said through the door.
Tears poured down his checks and his broken heart couldn't bare to keep him strong, needing nothing but to be on his own. "What did you do to make him hate you? You've ruined everything." He shouted at the closed door.
Connor's remark stabbed Lillian's heart and left her unable to move with her hands pressed against the door. She stood staring at the lines engraved in the wood, emptiness stealing the air she breathed the same as she stands now and suddenly Lillian finds herself out of her mind, returning her focus back on reality.
She checks her watch for she notices Levi's missing presence and in realizing time has moved along without her, she awkwardly steps out of Eloise's room leaving Bethany alone with her tears and joining the world again. Lillian aimlessly wanders down the hall, reluctant to go back to the emergency room where Connor is and without anywhere else to be, she allows herself a moment, taking the elevator down a level as she continues on her path to nowhere but as Eloise comes out from Jason's room toward her; looking faint, Lillian rushes to her side. Eloise leans into Lillian, allowing her to carry her weight as they walk. "I'm going to donate all my organs." She states.
"You amaze me." Lillian says genuinely surprised by Eloise choice as she helps Eloise into the elevator.
"Goodbye."  Jason's voice sounds in as the Lillian crosses the threshold and steps into the elevator as well.
"Goodbye." Eloise whispers only for Lillian to hear, unable to draw enough energy to shout in return and knowing he probably wouldn't hear anyway as the doors shut behind them.
Lillian presses the button for the elevator to take them up and as it comes to a slow and stops almost instantly after starting up, Lillian watches with love inside her heart as Eloise comes to life at the sound of Dallas and Finley shouting outside the door.
Their flashlights shine into their faces as they step out and Eloise instantly releases her grip from Lillian's hand and taking ahold of the extra flashlight Dallas is carrying. "Hide and seek?" She questions excitingly.
"Yeah, until we go home, mom says." Dallas states.
Lillian watches as they run down the hall, disappearing around the corner as Eloise leaves her without a goodbye but she is happy to have her leave as she is astonished by her and thunderstruck from getting to witness the power of love and how it has the strength to give back Eloise the light in her eyes and joy in her heart. Lillian wanders down the hall without direction, again and as her mind relaxes and her thoughts aren't distracted with work, her head takes her back into the past.
Lillian stood still with her hands against her face, staring at Connor with anger running through her veins and hate in her eyes for she blamed herself for his mistake. The phones rang unanswered, the steady pulse of monitors beat loudly in her ears and people's voices mumbled around her. Connor stared back at her with tear filled eyes, his hands curled into fists and blood dripping from his lip and despite that he probably couldn't hear her, she spoke. "I'm sorry you're hurting Connor but you don't have to do this alone, you still have me." She said honestly and without anything left to say.
#
Lillian lifts her head from the desk startled as the paramedic's voice takes her from her rest. His words register in her mind although she was half asleep and she nods her head in acceptance as he leaves her but her tired body fights against her and she stands to her feet, needing to move before she does as he asked and phones Hank's girlfriend. She takes long strides down the hallway to wake her brain and in curiosity she follows the gurneys of two patients who speed by her but she chooses to stop as she comes across Eloise. "Is everything alright Loly?" She says, drying her tears and her heart breaks as Eloise only nods in response, knowing she's too weak to speak. "Let's get you back to bed, it's barely morning." Lillian whispers and she lifts Eloise into her arms to hold her close but as she lays her down in her bed she is forced to let her go, Eloise falling asleep as her head hits the pillow. Lillian sits down and she runs her fingers through Eloise's hair, imagining when she'd lay with Connor as a boy. "Would you like me to sing you a lullaby?" She asks despite knowing Eloise has drifted to sleep. "Shush my little one, snug and soft you lay, lullaby." Lillian sings softly and she smiles with warmth inside her heart as she remembers the way Connor's eyelids flickered, trying to keep them shut. "Sweet dreams wait for you, far and wild they are." She continues as her mind takes her to his room, the stars glowing all around them as she laid listening to his gentle breathing, falling asleep to the sound of her voice. "Hush my love, safe and sound you'll stay, lullaby." She finishes the lullaby and kisses Eloise's head, leaving her to sleep like she had with Connor. She steps out into the hall and her pagers vibrates against her hip, forcing her to run because of the urgent page. Lillian picks up speed as she takes the blood bags in her hands and heads for Hank's operating room. Turning the corner, she sprints for  the door and races into the room. She hands over the bags to the nearest nurse and as he rushes to hang the blood, Lillian leaves the operating room, the chaos falling silent as the door closes behind her and she wanders down the hall.
Waiting outside the closed elevator doors, Lillian turns her head at the sound of heavy footsteps and loud voices coming from behind her. "We need that elevator." The surgeon shouts and quick to react, she presses her back against the wall to move out of the way as the doors open and a patient with lighting strike wounds is pulled by her, onto the elevator.
Alex tugs Connor's arm and forces him sideways, to keep him from injury, hardly able to get him out of the way as the surgical team rushes out of the elevator and into the hall, lacking awareness and almost hitting Connor. A gust of wind from the near impact, passes through Connor's clothes and pushes him backward. He is left frozen, staring at the little black wheels as the gurney races down the hall, reminding him of his childhood and taking him into the past.
Connor stood in the middle of the emergency room with his bag hanging from his shoulder, his shoes untied and the note his father left him with, held tightly, his sweaty hands threatening to lose it. He stood frozen as he searched the room for his mother, people passing by in every direction and all their faces blurred from his tears."Mom." He screamed through the crowd, needing her desperately as he hadn't ever felt so alone.
Lillian turned as she heard Connor's voice above all the noise and ran to his side straight away, shocked to find him terrified and by himself. She dropped to her knees and held him in her arms to keep him from shaking and as she rubbed his back to calm him, she scanned the room for Dakota, confused and left stunned as she laid eyes on him; walking out of the hospital, her gut telling her he wouldn't be back.
Lillian returns to reality as Dakota's back transforms into the back of Molly and she watches her fade from sight. She turns around and steps forward, continuing on into her current situation, heading for Eloise's room, her heart hurting with each step, devastated by the news she carry's. She enters Eloise room and acknowledging Bethany she places her hand on Eloise's forehead. "Are you feeling okay?" She asks.
"I feel good." Eloise response strongly as she fights her dying body.
Lillian knows better than to believe her but she raises her own hope allowing Eloise to lie, praying they both can trick her into feeling better. "You're such a strong little girl." Lillian says and she directs her attention to Bethany as she moves on to what she wanted to avoid. "Her results from the scan are in." Lillian says, taking Bethany into the hall.
Bethany braces herself for the news. "Is it bad?" She questions.
"It isn't good. I'm sorry Bethany but this is it, what we've been fighting all these years has come." Lillian says broken hearted.
"How much time does she have." Bethany asks hopelessly.
"Weeks." Lillian says, chocked by the word.
Bethany closes her eyes on her tears, her heart hurting more than she thought possible. She turns into the room, needing to feel Eloise breathing in her arms, thinking maybe she can hold on for her.
Lillian bows her head and to leave them with space but too heartbroken to move she leans against the wall, outside the room. "I'll leave the two of you alone. Call me if you need anything." Lillian says and she leans back, unable to breath, hitting her head against the wall as tears pour down her cheeks for the pain of losing Eloise screams inside her and hurts all of her. She falls to the floor as all of her emotions release from her and she stands to her feet again as she finds her composure.
"Don't go." Bethany's voice echoes into the hallway.
Lillian takes a strong breath in and as she steps into the room she calmly exhales, looking at Eloise with a smile. "Eloise lets go visit Jason." She says as she takes Eloise from Bethany to give her the time she needs.
They walk hand in hand down the hall as the darkness lingers in the air around them.
Eloise looks up at Lillian with fear in her eyes. "I'm dying soon, aren't I?"
Her words freeze Lillian's mind and they crawl into her heart, filling in the cracks and turn her cold. She loses her balance as they walk, unable to speak as she chokes on her words. Staring down at Eloise her heart is heavy as she feels she's broke Eloise's heart. "There isn't anything left we can do, I'm so sorry Loly."
Eloise nods her head and her mind freezes as Diego falls to the floor.
Lillian picks him up and holds Eloise steady for she's lost balance and together they walk into the elevator and it takes them down a level. They step out into the hall and continue toward Casey's room and Eloise wanders along with distracted eyes. "I wish I could say goodbye to my dad." She confesses.
Lillian looks into Eloise's eyes wishing she could do something more but unable to fight against a terminal tumour she is defeated. "I think when you said goodbye to your dad all those years ago, you were saying goodbye for this moment." She says.
Eloise takes Diego from Lillian as her brave eyes hold back tears. "I'll see you later." She says as she waves goodbye to Lilian and she walks into Casey's room as Ashley brushes by her.
"I'll see you." Lillian says as Ashley stands beside her.
"I hate when their loved ones suffer more than they do." Ashley says out loud to Lillian as she fills in the emptiness.
Lillian nods her head in agreement. "He won't let her go, will he?" She says.
Ashley shakes her head sadly. "No and she's critical, I don't think she'll make it through the night."
"That's sad." Lillian says with sympathy for him. "What happened to her?" She questions as she can't keep all the stories she hears straight.
"They were riding horses, a normal Sunday afternoon for them and the horse got spooked, I think a branch fell." Ashley says as her words seems to come slowly for her thoughts are working to remember.
"Death is weird." Lillian says as she is surrounded by it and still can't understand it.
"It is. Especially when it's unfair." Ashley says in agreement.
"Especially." Lillian nods and as Eloise rushes by and disappears, Lillian is reminded of how unfair death can be. "Sometimes this job is too hard." Lilian says to Ashley as her thoughts are taken by Eloise, crushing her heart.
"Sometimes it is." Ashley agrees again but as her attention is drawn by two young boys, Lillian walks away. She is pulled to Hank's operating room as her thoughts wonder how he is but as she opens the doors to another surgery, she is stunned. "Where is the man that came in from the crash?" She asks the nearest nurse.
"He's in recovery." She says.
Lillian smiles glad to receive good news and as she takes herself to the waiting room, her body calms for she allows the light to fight away some of the dark but before her lungs have time to breath and her heart has a moment to repair, Levi rushes passed her, causing her to fall against the wall as her air is taken from her and she sees Eloise out cold laying flat on the gurney as panic fills the air and she's rushed away. Lillian fights to hold onto the light as her body can't handle the darkness, scared it will take all of her and she wipes away her tears along with her fear as she doesn't have the strength to worry about Eloise until she has the answers. She opens the waiting room doors and walks up to Naya. "He's awake." She says happily, pretending she doesn't have a worry in the world.
Naya looks away from Robbie and stands to her feet with relief in her eyes.
Lillian leads her to Hank's room and together they walk in. Lillian checks his vitals as they whisper to each other and as she finishes, Hank looks over at her. "I saw a young girl, she had a purple hippopotamus. She looked like she was dying and I just wanted to make sure she's going to be alright." He asks.
Lillian closes her eyes to shut out the darkness, fighter her as the unknown of Eloise's fate leaves her weak. "Her name is Eloise and she's in surgery." She says unsettled.
Hank drops his head calmly as peace fills the air. "Can you thank her for me when she wakes up, somehow she saved me." He asks Lillian as he lifts his head again.
Lillian nods her head yes despite the bad feeling in her gut, thinking what happens if Eloise doesn't make it off the table but hating her mind for taking herself to the worst outcome she allows the horrible thought to disappear.
Interrupting the emptiness that lingers in the room, Connor steps inside. "If it wasn't for Eloise, I may not have come to realize that I owe you an apology, mom." He says pleading for forgiveness inside his eyes.
Lillian stares at Connor and her love for him warms her heart. She looks deep into his eyes with wonder but as he stands before her, feeling all his emotions, she can't read him. "Eloise." She whispers, imagining where her honest words will lead them.
Connor nods his head confirm and he leads them into the hall. "I blamed you because there wasn't anyone else for me to blame and I hated you for his mistake when I should have loved you because you needed me most. I can't rewrite the past but I can try to change what we've become. I'm sorry, mom." He says sincerely.
Lillian is overwhelmed with joy as she realizes what she's been waiting for has actually come true and she wraps him in her arms speechless.
"I'll let you get back to work. See you when you come home." Connor says as they let go of each other and he walks away leaving Lillian filled with happinesses.
She wanders down the hall peacefully and longs for home for the first time since before she can remember but her pager steals her from the light and again she falls into darkness as it vibrates against her hip and she runs down the hall. Lillian turns into the operating room urgently, stopping instantly and left frozen as she stares at the blood staining his face, looking into his familiar eyes. "I ran as fast as I could." She says unable to hide her shock as his heart line runs flat across the screen.
"He was a lost cause." The main surgeon says as he steps away from the table. "Can you inform his family?" He asks.
Lillian nods her head in response and knowing the face she'll look for, she leaves the room without his chart. She walks into the waiting room and sits down as her mind slows and she doesn't have the strength to stand, left staring at his parents scared to wreck their hope but as quickly as she makes the decision to move she adjusts her course and stands up to race for Eloise. "Loly, I have a secret." She bends down and whispers into Eloise's ear. "They probably won't make it home." She says to let her down gently.
Eloise backs away from Lillian in a panic as a wave of tears pour from her eyes. "I think I'm going to be sick." Eloise cries.
Lillian takes Eloise in her arms and holds her tightly to calm her.
Eloise's heart rate slow she whispers into Lillian's ear. "I'm going to miss you. I love you." She says.
Her words bring tears to Lillian's eyes and she kisses her neck unable to stop her tears. "You're so brave Loly and I love you too." She whispers in return and she closes her eyes as they fall into one another, allowing the warmth to fill her body as she breaths Eloise in to keep her in her heart,  always. She watches Eloise walk away from her with an emptiness inside her heart and rushes away unable to complete her task, too distressed to speak and she falls to the floor, sitting against the wall as the door of the stairwell slams behind her. She holds her hands against her head unable to breath as her every emotion overpowers her, feeling wrecked at the thought of losing Eloise and as she asks herself how will she move on, she finds herself back in time.
Lillian's heart stopped and the world around her faded as she held Connor close, his touch the only thing to let her know she was still alive. Her thoughts were wild with fury and full of sorrow as she stared at the words Dakota wrote, stunned he left without warning. She pulled herself from Connor's hold and wiped away his tears as tears fell from her eyes in desperate pain, hurt for the moment proved Dakota never loved her like she loved him and she ran her hand through Connor's hair to show herself she needed to stay strong, begging her body to hold on as her heart threatened to tear her down. She stared into his sad eyes, speechless and the only thought, echoing inside her mind was, how will she move on.
Lillian leans her head back against the wall, allowing her body to calm as her mind brings her back to reality and she dials Dakota's number to return his call; now, before thought of him dulls and she can't convince herself to call him.
The ring tone comes to a stop as his voice sounds through the speaker. "Hello." He says.
Lillian takes a breath to catch her nerve. "Hello." She replies anxiously.
"It's good to hear your voice." Dakota says genuinely.
"I wish I could say the same. Dakota I'm confused, why are you calling me now, after all these years?" Lillian asks as her scars are reopened.
"I know and I'm sorry but Lillian, leaving you is truly my only regret and if we could meet up, I have something I'd like to say." Dakota says stumbling upon his words.
Lillian's heart races and her mind fills with so many things she wishes to say but unable to speak any of them, she is left silent, overwhelmed as she stares at the screen, trying not to slam the door again. "Ok." Is all she's able to get out of all her words.
"Ok." Dakota says stunned. "I'll text you." He continues with relief in his words.
Lillian ends the call and she slides her phone away, feeling his smile as pressure is lifted from her heavy heart and she laughs, her tears landing heavy on the ground, amazed by him and how he has managed to make her heart pound inside her chest; still, after all he's put her through. She stands to her feet unable to sit as adrenaline pumps through her but as she dries her tears her pager vibrates against her hip and like a cruse, she is pulled into her darkest hour just as she got into her best light. She sprints to Eloise's room as her body falls apart and her heart rips out of her chest with each step, her thoughts ache inside her mind; praying this isn't it, her lungs fill with air; unable to breath, her throat closes as she begs her feet to move faster and her tears block her vision for her pain overpowers her. She turns into Eloise's room, awake in her most feared nightmare and staring at Eloise wrapped in Bethany's arms, she takes Eloise's cold hand in hers and closes her eyes in horror as her heart monitor beeps steady through the room. "Time of death, seventeen twenty three. " Lillian says as she falls to her knees.
Finley, noticing Lillian stuck in heartache and fixated on Eloise's purple hippopotamus, hands her Diego. "Keep him safe." He whispers in her ear.
Lillian takes Diego in her hands and she looks at Finley in despair and at a loss for words because the moment is impossible to feel. She stands to her feet, knowing she has to leave, her head foggy and her heart missing and she rests her hand on Bethany's shoulder, unsure if it's for her comfort or her own or  if it's for comfort at all, maybe for balance because without Eloise she doesn't know how to think or feel. She looks into Bethany's sorrowful eyes. "I'm sorry." She says, her words barely escaping her mouth.
Bethany lifts her head off from Eloise. "She wanted Jason to know, he's brave to hold onto hope and she's sorry she broke his heart." Bethany informs Lillian, needing to do something as hopeless as she feels.
Lillian nods her head. "I'll tell him." She whispers as she leaves Bethany and the boys alone to grieve. She is drawn by the woman down the hall; staring at her with entrancing blue eyes and she walks to her.
"I don't know what to do." Olivia says as she looks at Lillian; lost, her eyes full of tears and her thoughts blank.
"I don't know what to do either." Lillian replies, knowing she has to continue with work, needing to check on June but not knowing how she's supposed to move on against her head full of heartbreaking thoughts, trying to convince her that she's alright when she isn't. She doesn't know how to live without Eloise.

The end.