My Purple Hippopotamus

Part One: Eloise

Lightning blankets the sky and thunder rumbles in the distance as Eloise pulls herself deeper under the covers; holding tight onto her purple hippopotamus and even now after spending more time in this bed than hers at home she feels like a stranger in the white cotton sheets, laying wide awake and unable to fall back to sleep for the incoming trauma keeps her alert, listening to the sounds of their screaming and praying her mother will return soon. "It's a car crash Diego, did you hear that?" Eloise whispers to him and her curiosity opens inside her mind as she wonders who's injured, how the crash happened and will they die like she well? She sits up in her bed allowing the covers to fall off as she slips her feet over the edge and lands softly on the floor. She carries Diego with her and opens the door, letting the reality of the world happening outside her room in and breathless she watches doctors and nurses race by her as they push two gurneys down the hallway, rushing for the elevators. The quietness quickly returns as the elevator doors close the panic from her and Eloise is left alone, starring at the drop of blood that landed on the floor and suddenly she is drawn to the past and taken to when she was three.
The world around became silent as she watched her mother fall into her father's arms and her heart hurt with the feeling she needed to cry but she didn't understand why she was sad, only knowing from her mother's eyes that she should be and laying in a hospital bed for the first time she knew she didn't want to stay but wasn't allowed to leave and everything felt unfair. Her brothers held her hands and they stood by her side as their parents went out into the hallway with the doctor, always leaving them in the dark. A chilling feeling ran through her body as she stared down at the drop of blood on the floor and her head ached for her subconscious knew more than she did. "I can't die yet, my life needs a purpose." She whispered to herself because she hadn't been given Diego yet.
Eloise gasps as she returns from her memory and she stands weak as her body begs her to fall because her disappointed drowns her, wondering why she survived five more years only to die, still without a purpose.
"Is everything alright Loly?" Lillian asks as she bends down beside her and dries the tears she is unaware of.
Eloise nods her head because her mouth is too dry and lips are too cracked to speak and she leans against Lillian's legs barely able to stand.
"Let's get you to sleep, it's barely morning." Lillian states as she lifts Eloise into her arms and carries her back to bed. She sits next to Eloise and covers her with her blanket. "Would you like me to sing you a lullaby?" She asks as she runs her fingers through her hair.
Eloise shuts her aching eyes before she can answer and drifts away as her worried heart pounds inside her chest because every time she falls asleep, she's terrified she might not wake up.
#
Eloise jolts to awareness as a roaring thunderclap sounds in her room and scares her awake. She reaches for Diego to keep her safe with her dream still in her head and keeping thoughts of her father on her mind. "He was more scared than we are." She says confused by him and she sits up in bed, her thoughts moving forward for embarrassment take over with the realization her pyjama pants are soaked. She buries her tear covered face in Diego's body and despite having happened many mornings now, Eloise still can't adjust to the feelings that come with wetting the bed. "It's getting worse." She cries.
"What's the matter?" Bethany asks in concern as she enters the room and she runs over to Eloise's open arms and wraps her arms around her.
Eloise falls into Bethany's embrace, finding peace in her comfort and filled with relief because she doesn't have to be brave on her own any longer. "It happened again." She says vulnerably as she removes her covers and reveals her soaked sheets.
Bethany looks down and is saddened as she knows it's only another symptom of dying, using all her strength not to cry as she exhales to give herself a moment. "It's okay darling. Let's get you clean." She says as her voice breaks and she helps Eloise out of bed and takes her to the washroom with clean clothes, shutting the door behind them.
Eloise drops her hand from Bethany's hand, feeling better now that she's dry and as they step out of the washroom she stares up at her with pleading eyes, asking her to keep it a secret between only them; scared everyone else she loves will look at her the same way as Bethany is, starring down at her now.
Bethany nods her head in agreement, smiling at the smile spreading across Eloise's face and wishing she could stay in the moment forever.
Eloise stops in the doorway before the hall, ready to spend another day living. "Can I go visit Molly, she should be here by now?" She asks.
Bethany nods allowing Eloise to go but her heart aches as she watches her disappear into the hallway because ever since her diagnosis, she can't rid the indescribable feeling that comes to her when watching Eloise leave, terrified for the day she leaves her for good.
Eloise walks down the familiar halls, holding Diego in her one hand and dragging her other hand against the wall, feeling at peace now that they've become quiet. She listens to the conversations, beeps and hums as she passes each room, giving everyone a smile, thinking that they might like a small bit of joy because next time, they might not be there. She pushes open the clinic doors, scanning the faces of people and with a smile she rushes over to Molly, taking a seat on the stool beside her. "Good morning." She says joyfully.
Molly greets Eloise, returning the smile and she stares back at her with sorrow filled eyes, still unable to accustom herself that they're dying and unable to wrap her head around the fact that Eloise is only a child; about to miss out on everything that is wonderful and horrible about living. "Good morning Eloise and how are you?" She asks.
"I feel good today." Eloise says as she watches the medicine drip into Molly's arm and she squeezes Diego tighter to protect herself from her memories, reminded of the sting of when medication run through her veins and how she felt the morning after, begging her mom to stop her body from feeling sick.
"That's good my darling." Molly say holding back tears, overwhelmed by the hope she holds for Eloise and knowing it will inevitably remain hope, the same as her curiosities, that will stay unanswered.
Eloise stares into Molly's livid eyes with wonder as her dreams come alive and whirl around the air between them. "Promise me you'll teach me how to dance the way you do, when we get better." Eloise says optimistic.
"I promise." Molly says cheerful as she tries to hide her fear for she's never heard Eloise talk with such an undertone as if she knows she's running out of time and she wraps her arms around her, finding it difficult to speak and she closes her eyes, drowning out reality.
Eloise rests her head against Molly's shoulder and she allows her mind to relax, falling away from the pain she's in and like she blinked she opens her eyes in her mom's arms, her hands around her neck and still holding tight onto Diego. "Bye." She whispers unable to tell Molly she loves her for she can't draw the energy.
Molly rubs Eloise's foot; the only thing she can reach, watching her leave. "Goodbye my love." She says with a weak smile realizing that this goodbye is her last.
Bethany nods goodbye and with a simple gaze she thanks Molly, grateful to her for giving Eloise the comfort she can't for she doesn't understand death in the way they do and she turns out of the waiting room to take Eloise back to bed.
Feeling lightheaded as her head hits the pillow, Eloise fights to keep her eyes open, her body an enemy and working to drag her down.
Bethany rests on the chair next to Eloise. "She's testing her limits today." She says softly as Lillian comes in.
Lillian walks over and stands next to Eloise's bed and she rests her hand on Eloise forehead. "Are you feeling okay?" She asks.
Eloise sits up in bed, determined to stay strong and hoping to trick her body. "I feel good." She says, lying.
Lillian nods her head okay but because of the look in Eloise's eyes, she knows better than to believe her. "You're such a strong little girl." Lillian says and she looks over to Bethany. "Her results from the scan are in." She states, directing Bethany to follow her into the hall and leaving Eloise alone.
Eloise looks down at Diego with a mind full of thoughts overwhelming her for she can't grasp how to feel, never been taught how to handle this. Her tears; brought on by the pain, fear and guilt, land on him because as the days drag on and death grows near she's losing the energy needed to hold them back and recognizing the break in Lillian's words and how the light left her mom's eyes she knows she's lived beyond all hope. "Don't be scared Diego, we all die in the end." Eloise cries, trying to make sense of her thoughts and she wipes away her tears as the door opens.
"I'll leave the two of you alone. Call me if you need anything." Lilian says, her voice flowing into the room as she leaves them alone.
Bethany lays in bed with Eloise, losing herself and she closes her tear filled eyes, unable to keep strong as her head spins, her heart aches and her throat closes, making it impossible to think or breath.
Eloise runs her hand across Bethany's back and she rests her face in her hair, the sweet smell of her shampoo keeping her calm. She holds her closer and is given purpose, leaving herself distracted from the dreadful fact that they won't be together soon. "I'll be alright mommy." She says as she kisses Bethany's head.
Eloise's words rip inside Bethany, showing her she isn't ready to let it be okay for Eloise to give in. "Don't go." She yells at Lillian as she pulls herself out of Eloise's hold, needing to be alone and unwilling to fall apart in her presence.
Lilian steps into the room and she takes Eloise and gently pulls her from her room. "Let's go visit Jason." She says.
Eloise squeezes Lillian's hand tighter as they walk down the hall, her heart breaking as she stares down at Diego, concentrating on him to keep from crying. She doesn't want to leave her mother alone knowing it's all her fault but without a choice she distracts her mind, failing to stray from thoughts she can't control and moving to thoughts she's been too afraid to speak of until now. "I'm dying soon, aren't I?" She asks.
Lilian stumbles upon her feet as she is taken by surprise, stoping her heart and leaving her mind blank as she scrambles to find something to say. She looks down at Eloise unable to give her solace and knowing to simply tell the truth. "There isn't anything left we can do. I'm so sorry Loly." She says disappointed and feeling she has failed her.
Eloise loses her hearing, dropping Diego as she falls against the wall and she is dragged into shock, stunned by news that should have been obvious but until she heard the words out loud it was like the ending could have changed.
Lillian picks Diego up and takes ahold of Eloise's arm to keep her steady as they enter the elevator.
Eloise is thrown back into reality as the doors close and she finds her way back to peace. "I wish I could say goodbye to my dad." She says as she prepares for the end.
Lillian bends beside Eloise and she rests her hands on her shoulders to look her in the eyes. "I think when you said goodbye to your dad all those years ago, you were saying goodbye for this moment." She says gently.
Eloise takes Diego in her arms again and she looks away. "I'll see you later." She says as she gathers her strength and walks out of the elevator.
"I'll see you." Lillian says, left in the hall and joined by Ashley as she watches Eloise enter Casey's room.
Eloise sits on the bed at Casey's feet and looks over at Jason.
Looking into her sad eyes, he can tell she's hurting. "What's on your mind?" He asks.
Eloise is drawn by the flowers; their sweet aroma filling the air, staring at their beauty but connecting to the death that they represent. "Saying Goodbye is scary. What if I'm not ready?" She whispers.
Jason nods his head in recognition as he thinks the same and a tear falls from his eye. "I don't think you can ever be ready." He replies.
Eloise turns her head from the flowers as her thoughts move forward and she looks over at Casey's closed eyes. "Do you think heaven is up there?" She asks.
Jason nods his head, praying heaven is real.
Eloise fills with worry as she thinks he may not ever let Casey go but after over hearing the nurses talk in the hall, she is determined to help him move forward before she runs out of time. "Would it be easier to say goodbye if Casey's death could mean something? The woman in the car crash, her heart is failing and she needs a donor." She says calmly.
Jason stands to his feet, his body raging with anger, feeling betrayed for he didn't know Eloise; as well, has given up on Casey and in defence to protect himself from the fear that everyone is right, he raises his voice. "Casey isn't dead, Eloise. I know you want to have a purpose but Casey has children, her purpose won't come from her death." He yells.
Eloise stands with fear in her chest as her heart pounds rapidly for the look in Jason's eyes is unfamiliar and she is terrified to stay, unsure how to calm him, her father having ran from it, she never got to see fear in a man. "Death doesn't care that she's a mother and you can give her a purpose or not but either way you have to let her go." Eloise yells as she pushes passed Jason, leaving him, running into the hall and with each step she is drawn by a feeling inside her heart, telling her feet to follow and leading her to the waiting room. She walks in and takes a seat beside a man with his broken heart hidden behind his eyes and waiting calmly to find what she was sent for, she glances around at everyone's faces, curious by how they're feeling in this moment of their life. She smiles as she notices her doctor; Levi, talking to a woman and stands for she is drawn by them but her thoughts are cut short as a sharp pain rushes through her body. "Diego, my head feels full." She whispers into his ear.
The man looks down at Eloise and trapped inside his mind; praying for June as he's discovered how desperately his heart needs her, he hadn't noticed Eloise beside him. "Are you alight?" He asks, stunned.
Eloise tries to speak but blood replaces her words and pain fires inside her lungs, leaving her mind blank.
Robbie reaches for her to keep her from hitting the floor as she faints. "Someone help." He screams.
Levi stands, grateful to leave his conversation and he races over to Eloise's aide. He lifts Eloise into his arms and carries her to the nearest gurney. "I'll keep you safe, Eloise." He says to her as he rests her down.
They rush out for the operating room and the sirens that sound from the streets turn silent as the emergency doors open and Eloise is filled with fear as she stares into the cold eyes of three teenagers; all near to death and being rushed passed her, leaving her in need for comfort. She reaches for Diego only to realize that he's been left, laying on the waiting room floor and as tears fall and mix with her blood, her last thought before she is left in blackness plays in her mind, I'm going to die.
#
Eloise's breathing is swallow as she opens her eyes and for the first time she realizes she's sick, her body nothing like it's ever been and weaker than she's known. She reaches for her water, her mouth gravely dry with an odd taste sitting under her tongue and she takes a sip as she sits up in bed, drained without energy, leaving her disconnected from her feelings and without the will to live. Eloise looks around the room realizing time past without her knowing and her brothers have arrived, leaving her feeling out of place. "What happened?" She asks.
Bethany holds Eloise's hand in hers. "You were rushed to emergency surgery, your tumour has spread to your brain. It's happening faster than they originally thought." She cries.
Eloise is speechless without words and her thoughts are slow in her mind. She is drawn to her mom's eyes, seeing heaven in them and can hear angel's voices humming in her ears, closer to death than ever before and as she lays still; soaked in her sweat, she's terrified. She reaches for Diego to keep her safe and turns pale as she realizes he's laying on the waiting room floor. She stands out of bed but as she falls and lands with a thud, she's shocked to find that she's too weak to stand. "I'm scared." She cries.
Finley lifts Eloise to her feet and acting as a crotch, he holds her up. "Don't be scared Eloise, you don't have to do this alone." He says kindly.
"Are you trying to go somewhere?" Dallas asks as he pushes a wheelchair next to her.
Eloise nods her head. "I have to go get Diego." She says as she sits down.
Dallas follows her as she points, directing him down the hall and he pushes her to the waiting room.
They turn in, and Eloise's heart flutters for her body is reminded of the pain that struck her but forgetting almost immediately as Finley hands her Diego and with a smile she wraps her arms around him. She looks around the room, making eye contact with one of the parents of the teenagers and recognizing him, she wonders how the they are, her mind moving faster than her speech.
From across the room Lilian notices the look in Eloise's eyes and knowing she has to stop her she stands up and races across the room. "Loly, I have a secret." She says as she bends beside her and whispers into her ear.
Eloise takes ahold of her throat as her breathing grows heavy and as her heart pounds rapidly and her head aches, she screams in fear and she's cold in the hot air around her. "I think I'm going to be sick." Eloise cries.
Lilian wraps here arms around Eloise's shaking body, holding her tight as they wait out her panic attack and humming to her softly until she finds her calm, slowing Eloise's heart rate.
Eloise gains control of herself again and she holds her lips against Lilian's ear. "I'm going to miss you. I love you." She says softly.
Lillian presses her lips against Eloise's neck as tears run from her eyes. "You're so brave Loly and I love you too." She says, her words barely escaping her.
Eloise shuts her eyes as they fall into one another, allowing the warmth between them to calm her to sleep.
#
The evening sun streams in through the curtains drawing strength as it pulls through the clouds for the storm nears its end but unable to warm Eloise as the rays kiss her ice cold skin. She rests her head on Bethany's chest, holding Finley's hand and smiling at Dallas laying next to her. "I want to give Diego to the hospital. Can you make sure he gets put somewhere safe." She asks breathless.
Bethany closes her eyes as she holds back her hurt, terrified to let Eloise go and worried she might return to the state she fell earlier. "Let's not talk like this." She begs.
"I'll keep him safe." Finley whispers to Eloise.
Dallas lays on his back as he relaxes for the story. "Tell us about the mountains mom, the ones you're taking us to, once Eloise gets better." He asks.
Bethany smiles as hope finds its way into the darkness. "There's a ladder. It's like holding ice when you take ahold and it will steal your breath the higher you climb but once you've made it to the top you'll never want to go down because the most breathtaking view awaits you. Clear blue water spreads across the land for miles, beautiful dark green trees stand tall against the skyline, the bright sun warms your skin, the sky can't be more blue, the air is fresher than you've ever breathed and the clouds are close enough to touch." She says peacefully.
Tears run from Eloise's eyes because even after a thousand times it still breaks her heart she'll never see it but she smiles as she imagines her brothers and the look upon their faces when they make it to the top. "Take me with you when you go." She says as she takes her mother's hand in hers.
Bethany rests her head on Eloise's head and her heart breaks for she can feel Eloise letting go but trying desperately to understand the pain she must feel, Bethany allows it to be okay. " I will. I love you so much." She says as her voice breaks.
"I love you too." Eloise says as she allows her mind to take her away from the pain she's in. She loses her breath and fights to stay in the moment with them, hopelessly praying for a miracle and terrified, she squeezes Finley's hand and looks into Dallas's eyes. "I love you Finley. I love you Dallas." She says, saying goodbye.
"We love you Eloise." They say in harmony.
Bethany's phone vibrates and looking down at the name running across the screen she answers it. "Hello. You called." She says in surprise and sets the phone down beside Eloise's ear, putting it on speaker.
"Hello Baby." His voice sounds through the phone, leaving the air around them uncomfortable for they haven't heard him speak in five years.
"Dad?" Eloise questions, thinking she must be dreaming.
"It's me. I'm so sorry." He says with guilt inside his words.
"I'm not mad at you."  Eloise says not wanting to hold anger and though she doesn't understand him, she forgives him.
"You've always been stronger than I am." He says, his voice cracking through the phone.
Eloise had excepted to feel better, thinking she's missed him all these years but as his voice lingers in the air she realizes she never needed him and he took her love for him away when he left. "I don't need you anymore." She says, knowing she needed this to realize she's been alright without him. "I'm finished." She tells her mother.
"Wait baby I ...." He says but his voice gets cut off as Bethany ends the call.
Eloise curls into Bethany, wanting to feel her close before she'll feel nothing at all as her breaths draw short and her heart fights to pound in her chest. She looks at her and Finley and Dallas with fear in her mind, love in her eyes and pain in her heart.  "I'll put my sole in Diego for you guys, so you'll always have me." She says as her heart monitor beeps rapid.
Bethany wraps Eloise in her arms as nurses rush in and they sound a code.
Eloise shuts her eyes as she falls into her mother's warmth, knowing this is it.
Lillian turns into Eloise's room and too late, she has nothing to do except hold her cold hand in hers and she closes her eyes, in horror as her heart monitor beeps steady through the room.
"Time of death, seventeen twenty three." Levi says in sorrow and he walks out of Logan's room. With each step the heart monitor sounding down the hall rings louder in his ears and he rushes toward the sound of someone flatlining, running faster as his mind counts each room and feeling sick as he realizes it's Eloise. He turns into her room as fast as he can and he shuts his eyes against his tears as he listens to the same sentence he just finished saying.
"Time of death, seventeen twenty three." Lillian says as she falls to her knees and her heart shatters, left in more pain than she's felt before but as she hits the floor and her eyes catch sight of Diego, she finds solace in her worst hour.

The end.