Fluch oder Segen?

chapter 1 - 5 English

I had to translate it with google so i hope it's not to bad 😅😥

My life has always been anything but easy or relaxing. Especially after the sudden death of my parents. Since I was the only child of my parents and still a minor, I first came to the home and then to a foster family. However, I never wanted to go to school, so I decided to just stay at home ... and surprise, I'm just a cliché crash child. But I never wanted to go phychlogging, I said to myself that I could do it all alone when all the shit came out but what do I do ?! Drink almost every day, smoke almost all the time and not just cigarettes ... as if that weren't enough there was also the beginning of anorexia and self-harm. Well anyway, my "mum" now meant to take me to the phychlogen, which of course I didn't want to do. On the way there I smoked another one and in the car with the window open and first heard nice loud music, how I just hate people ... there are creatures which are worse. I just want to go home. Before I knew it we were already there and I had no chance to escape ... now it was too late I had to go inside. She brought me in and then drove back home ... I'm sitting here now ... alone without knowing exactly what's coming next. After a while the lady came to me from the reception and took me to a room. Frau König stood at the door. I felt panic rise in me! My heart beat faster and faster as my breathing became more irregular. The door opened and I was asked inside ... "Hello, sit down" before I was in the room the door was closed behind me and I realized that I was quite scared .... I didn't know this room. .. everything was so strange to me and she was also strange to me, that was a problem for me. "Um, um ... yes thanks" I stuttered and sat down hesitantly. "So, tell Kate a little something about yourself." I got blown skin when she spoke my name ... was it because she was a stranger to me? I think so. "No idea ... I've been living with my foster parents for about 3 years ... but you can't do anything. I'll be 18 soon anyway and then I'll leave anyway." She looked at me somewhat skeptically and somehow also questioningly. Did I say something wrong? I thought you should be honest ?! "And why do you live with a foster family?" Did she really ask that? That is easy in my original files! "My parents are dead." I tried to say as emotionlessly as possible. It was just a fact and cannot be changed anyway. "Oh ... I'm sorry. My condolences." Short silence ... she looked at me sympathetically, got up and then sat on the table in front of me. "And ... do you also know why you are here?" She was visibly careful she wanted to be careful what I found remarkable since not many people act that way. "What do I know ... can be anything, smoking, smoking weed, drinking, anorexia or self-harm, choose something." I could usually see in her that she just had to think 'she says that as if it were nothing' but that's just my way, I always play everything down. "... you know that's not good stop pretending you don't care or don't care!" She continued to try to keep a distance between them which is important in this job but also I noticed that this would not go well for a long time ... "makes no difference anyway. Have no school qualification anyway, so why should I stop doing all of that if I don't get a job anyway. " Of course I knew that it was a stupid excuse and that everything I do was stupid but I don't want any help! "That's not true. If you can get your life under control again, there are still many doors open to you, you just have to take this chance." And with this sentence she reached for my hand. We looked at each other for a moment and I thought that through this moment she knew my whole life and understood me. Stop! I quickly pulled my hand away. What do I think please do not need help and certainly not from her! I don't know her and she doesn't know me, in life she wouldn't understand what I've been through. I also looked away and was about to get up. "Wait, the session is not over!" I heard still undecided what I should do now. "But hurry up I really don't want to stay here any longer!" And then I dropped onto the chair. "Don't you realize yourself how much you isolated yourself from the rest? That you built protective walls around you?" She asked me calmly. "And if people are the very last! They bring each other but talk about the utopia of world peace." I rolled my eyes. "I agree with you that people can be cruel and also quite naive but often it's just the way someone was raised and treated." It was clear that she was trying to talk well but there was nothing to talk well about. "When can I go ?!" I asked a little more annoyed. "Right now. But I want you to contact me if you are feeling bad or can think of something else to talk to me about." She took my hand again and stroked it with a huge thumb. But why did it seem so familiar to me when I didn't even know her? I looked for an answer in her eyes but couldn't find one. All the time I had just looked around in the room so that I didn't have to look at her, but now I took a closer look at her ... she was dressed elegantly, a tight skirt to her knees, a white blouse and a blazer over it , her red hair in a pot and black glasses. But I blushed slightly when I saw that her blouse was unbuttoned quite wide. I looked away suddenly so that she didn't see that I was blushing but she seemed to have noticed. She looked down at herself and hastily buttoned the open buttons. "As always ... here is my number, so please remember my words, you can always contact me."