Perfectly Flawed (re-writing)

Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Emilia sat there on Alex's lap and listened as he expressed his grief and sorrows. She listened to why he didn't talk to Maria's family and listened as his anguished cries filled the room.

"It's all my fault, she wasn't meant to die." Alex cried burring his face into Emilia's neck trying to seek the comfort he always wanted.

Emilia stroked his hair as she waited for him to calm down again. Once Alex's sobs settled into silent tears Emilia kissed the side of his head and rubbed his chest calming him right down.

"You need comfort Alex. You never got to say goodbye and it is eating you up on the inside. I know that if you don't say goodbye then you will never be able to commit fully to our relationship." Alex knew Emilia was right, but for the last three years he has been in denial. He doesn't want to believe Maria is dead because if he does than it makes it all that more real that he will never get the chance to see her again.

"I can't Em. I just can't say goodbye." Alex tightened his arms around Emilia scared that if he let her go then she would leave and never come back.

"What about if I went with you? I could be there for support so you don't have to be alone." Alex said nothing as he closed his eyes remembering the pain and grief he felt when Maria passed away. He was alone, scared and sad. He was angry that she died and angry at the world and god. Why was god be so cruel? What did Alex ever do in life to deserve that kind of pain and loss?

Alex knew Emilia was right. He needed to say goodbye, but the mere thought of seeing her gravestone sent him into a spiral of depression that he never wanted to escape.

"I can't Emilia. I am sorry, but I can't say goodbye. I won't let her go I just cant." Alex started crying again because he knew this was it. He knew if he didn't say goodbye then Emilia was going to leave him and he would be alone again. Yes he had Aiden, but he would have no one to lean on and share his life with.

Emilia stayed in Alex's lap and rubbed soothing circles on his chest as he cried and grieved his loss. She was upset that Alex couldn't or wouldn't let Maria go, but she knew he wasn't ready even if it caused her pain she knew she couldn't push Alex and when he was ready to say goodbye he would.

Emilia knew Alex blamed himself, he even told her countless times today that it was his fault, but he needed to see that there was nothing he could do. He thought Maria's parents hated him that he took away there only daughter, but she knew that they couldn't because it was a natural occurrence that nobody was ready for. Emilia knew in order for Alex to say goodbye he needed to forgive himself and have Maria's family forgive even if he wasn't at fault.

"It's ok Alex, I understand you aren't ready and I am fine with that. Remember when you are ready I am always here for you." Alex felt her warm lips against his head, but her reassurance didn't stop the gut feeling inside of him that she was going to leave.

Neither of them said anything until the sound of laughter and little feet running on the floor sounded throughout the house. Alex looked at his door knowing he needed to get up and attended to his son. Pushing away his pain, he wiped his face and helped Emilia stand up as he put a fake smile on his face to please his son.

"Alex." Emilia grabbed Alex's arm and spoke softly.

"It's fine Emilia, I am fine. I need to go check on Aiden, it is getting late." Alex walked over to the door and left leaving Emilia behind in his office. Alex walked downstairs to see Aiden and Jacob eating what he assumed was dinner.

"Hey Alex, I took the boys out for you and got some dinner on the way home." Alex nodded stiffly at Jessica and made his way over to his son who was eating. Jessica watched Alex knowing what ever happened while she was away wasn't good. She saw Emilia coming down the stairs with the same tired and drained look that Alex has.