The Royal Concubine (edited)

Chapter 1

        Currently, I have much to fear. But I'm quite familiar with this emotion, as you will learn. My imminent death is not the cause; it may sound twisted of me, but I anticipate that my death will pain me less than others. I am not saying I wish to die, no, I do find it dreadful. However, my departure will cease to affect me after all of this is over. I have had the sickening privilege of watching many people die, and each death has felt like a large stone resting on my heart. Knowing that this same feeling will befall others horrifies me. That is why I wish to preserve my memories in these pages. If there comes a time that my beloved kingdom changes for the worse due to the events that have taken place, I would like to leave behind something to remind people of the willful queen, the naive concubine, and the passionate king. This is the story of how a young lady fell in love with her king.

  

        The milky snow crunches under my soft footsteps. Just outside the door to my chambers, I defiantly pace around the courtyard of my uncle's hanok*. The skirt of my hanbok weighs down from the water soaked into the silk fabric. Cold air sings as it flutters past my ears and towards the direction of Gyeongbokgung Palace. But, I admit I have never seen the palace with my own eyes. My aunt forbids me from leaving the residence, like most young ladies my age are. However, it wasn't always like this. I have never been given more freedom than when I was a poor; nor have I ever felt more loved. Those feelings are gone now, and may never come back.

        "Agasshi*! Ma-nim* asks for you to please not go outside," a housemaid calls out to me as she hurries down the walkway.

         I push a few hairs away from my eyes and nod.

        "Besides, you'll become unwell if you stay out here. Ma-nim will worry." Her warm hands spring towards my face, feeling the chill clinging to my reddened cheeks.

        "Imo* isn't concerned about such things," I reply, pushing her fingers away.

        "Ma-nim is asking to see you immediately." The woman shuffles behind me as I head into my chambers.

        My eyes focus back on the maid. "Again?" It hasn't been that long since my sewing session with her. I wonder what else she feels the need to critique me on.

        The rest of the halls are sickeningly warm. The house is like the household it represents: suffocating. There is no room for error, nor comfort. My family's prideful history decorates the walls with memorabilia and class.

        I meet the piercing eyes of my aunt as she prowls behind the dark wooden table in her room. A letter sits open in front of her. While my aunt doesn't break her stern gaze, she seems pleased for the most part. My heart clenches at the sight, fear setting in. The rest of the little freedom I have left is about to be ripped away from me. It is unavoidable.

        "Hye-Rin ah. Very good news has been brought to us." Her sharp finger points to my condemnation. "The Shin Andong Kim clan has sent a letter of proposal for you to wed their honored son, Kim Yu-Won. You do remember meeting with him, correct?"

        "Yes, Imo-nim." I wipe away the panic sticking to me like sweat.

        "I will share the good news with seobang-nim* upon his arrival home." My aunt stares me down, waiting for any protest.

        Kim Yu-Won is a good man. Only in his early 30s, he has wealth and a pleasant appearance. As a yangban* unmarried young woman, I should feel honored to join into his family. But I don't. Our relationship will not be that of love, it will be of control and suppression. Of course that doesn't matter. What matters is the status I can bring into my family. That is why my aunt has prepared me with the finest upbringing through teaching me skills of an honored housewife. That is the fate of women in the Joseon era, and I find it deplorable.