Arcane [Sirius Black]

Chapter 10 - Big, Fat, Baby of Love

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    SIRIUS had way too many thoughts.

    The summer had been bad. There was no particular event that caused the downward spiral, but Sirius somehow knew his time at home was dwindling. His fuse was blown and he couldn't stem his fury at the ones he called parents any longer.

    They didn't speak to him much — besides the schooling on how he should keep out of sight and out of mind at their summer soirees (which he luckily didn't have anything against) — but when they did he was a force to be reckoned with. Each comment had a retort and each action had a consequence.

Eventually, dinnertime was accompanied only by the scrapes of silverware and hums of occasional disapproval. The family seemed to understand that anything they said to the boy would be twisted into an argument; one they seldom had energy for.

However, when they did have the energy, it was like lava from the tip of a mountain; an eruption of pent anger that left scorches on the ones nearby and heat against the skin of any who dared listen.

Regulus was angry about it.

That's what they had been discussing the week before Sirius's jaunt to the playground down the road. Regulus was sick of the heat; sick of hearing the bickering and nursing the wounds.

Sirius understood that, but he also couldn't stop to appease the younger boy, and that was something he knew wouldn't be forgiven.

His passion and loyalty was both his strength and his weakness. Though not blind, the unwavering of his mindset sometimes left him negligent to the grief of the other side.

Regulus didn't want to see Sirius hurt, but he didn't want to let down his parents or his friends. He might have had more sense than the others, but he did believe in what they spoke of; or at least wanted to.

When his friends spoke in hushed tones of dark magic in a cult-like frenzy, he listened. He compiled newspaper clippings of the Dark Lord's feats and kept them in a box under his bed.

Sirius knew this. Though often blind to his brother's worries, he was in no way careless to his allegiances.

He wanted to help him, but how was he supposed to help someone who didn't want nor need to be saved? The only person he could have any chance to save was himself, and the pathway to that outcome wasn't lined with polite greetings and a submissive stance.

It was this issue he was pondering before Diana Montgomery opened his pantry door.

After that, it was somehow lesser on his mind. For a near-sixteen year old boy, it was far easier to fill his brain with lustful thoughts than those of war and pain.

The only problem was that he didn't know her. She was like an escape, something to talk about with James so that the hazel-eyed boy wouldn't think to ask if he was okay.

And now she was here, at Hogwarts; his safe haven, and he didn't know what to do.

It felt so stupid and pathetic, but when he looked at her his heart sped up. She was one of the most beautiful people he'd ever seen but more than that, he just knew she'd understand. He might not have spoken to her much at all, but he could tell by the way she held herself, the way she zoned out every once in a while during class, the way her hands sometimes trembled, and the way her eyes fought a silent war inside.

James was having a ball making fun of him for this.

"Hey Padfoot!" He shouted, making his way into the dorm where Sirius was lying face-flat on his bed, Remus was working on his Potions essay, and Peter was sitting sorting chocolate frog cards, "Your crush plays Quidditch!"