𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚜, 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚜, 𝚝𝚊𝚐𝚜 𝚒𝚗 𝚙𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚜

struggling

I was going to put this on my message board but here feels best

I've be struggling with maladaptive daydreaming for most of my life. It became a coping mechanism as well as a form of escapism. I didn't think anything of it- I thought that everyone daydreamed a lot and I had an overactive imagination.

Skip to a few years ago.
I can't focus. At all. Not in any class or at home or while I'm watching things or listening to music. My teachers call me out on it all the time, claiming that I'm "in Mars".
I get triggered by TV shows and movies and songs and books and even sentences. They send me down a spiral of daydreaming that just never ends.

Maladaptive daydreaming (or MD) is also linked to disorders like ADHD, depression and OCD and is often triggered by stress, trauma and anxiety.
I don't need to explain why or how that affects me.

Lately, things have gotten very bad. I feel like I'm being held captive by my own mind. Trapped in these silly delusions that I spun to distract myself from my fears and problems. It's suffocating at this point and I just can't escape it.

There isn't a lot of research around MD so there's no concrete treatment, or even small things I can do at home to ease things. You can get different medications (mainly anti-depressants and OCD medication) to help ease the daydreams, but they have to be prescribed by a therapist.
I want nothing more in this world than to go to therapy. I don't think I can cope with MD much longer. But I can't ask my parents to let me go because it's expensive, I live in a small area so I don't have any idea where the nearest therapist is and I don't want them to worry.

I'm trying to hold out till college where I can get therapy without them knowing, but I don't think I can wait that long.

I've never felt more trapped in my life.
I can't concentrate on anything. I get distracted to easily. I'm unmotivated. I can feel myself losing grip on the things I care about but I don't have the strength to do anything about it. I'm also forgetful- like more than usual. I tell myself I'm going to do this later or check something out in a little bit but I get to distracted by my own mind

I don't really post vents ever but this is one I needed to get out of my system. That's what rant books are for, am I right?