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BREATHE ME- Part I

BREATHE ME

Help, I have done it again

I have been here many times before

Hurt myself again today

And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame.

WARNING: In this part there's a description of violence. It is very mild, nothing that you wouldn't see on day time television but I wanted to flag it just in case the issues discussed in the chapter are triggerin to some people.

I

James walked into the bedroom and found Lucy sitting crossed-legged on the bed, her earphones were on and she was reading a book. As he sat on the bed Lucy looked up and removed her earphones, placing the book on the nightstand. James reached for her feet and took them in his hands, rubbing them to heat them.

"What is going on James? What is it that you need to tell me?" Asked Lucy, her voice gentle.

James looked at her earnest eyes and a wave of fear hit him, he wished he could protect her but he had to be honest with her, he had no other choice. He suddenly stood up and walked to the glass wall, his back to Lucy as he spoke.

"This is not the first time I am caught in a fight. I've had, well obviously I still have, anger management issues". He finally turned around and looked at Lucy, afraid of what he might see in her eyes but her face wasn't conveying any emotions.

"For how long?" She asked.

James sat on the modern black chair near the window and leaned on his knees, scratching his cheek before talking.

"Since I was a child," he sighed. "At first my mother thought I was just a very lively kid, with too much energy to spare but as I grew up things didn't get better. When I became a teenager she knew something was very wrong; I would yell back at my parents, my teachers, would throw chairs and desks or punch the walls if I'd get frustrated and be very confrontational with my friends. Things got quite bad as I became stronger and I wasn't able to control myself until one day when I was sixteen..."

He stopped and looked at Lucy again, this time his eyes were filled with shame.

"What happened, James?" She asked, calm.

"Fuck," he said between his teeth and scratched his forehead, looking for the right words. He cleared his throat and continued.

"One day I got into a fight, I don't even remember what about, anyway I threw myself at this kid in my class and I couldn't stop, I was just so angry...I broke his arm. That day I was arrested".

James glanced at Lucy and once more her face was like stone, her eyes focused on him without a particular expression. He took a deep breath and continued.

"I don't know why but his family dropped the charges, I was released the day after and it was the end of it. From that moment I knew I had been given a second chance and I couldn't ignore the issue anymore: I started to go to therapy, I joined the rugby team to take the edge off my stored anger and I managed to keep it under control. At the same time I got into acting and it really helped me get in touch with my feelings. When I started to act professionally I left the rugby team and got into boxing..."

He looked at up at Lucy and saw a wave of stupor and anger as she realized he had lied to her about his passion for the sport. She swallowed and moved closer to him, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Are you still going to therapy?" She asked.

James shook his head.

"No. As time went by I was able to reduce the sessions, first once a week then twice a month until I was able to only go if I felt like I needed to...I haven't been in almost a year".