Journey to the Center of the Heart (a novella)

Chapter 4 - "Dream Date"

Do you want to end this?

And there it was –the escape hatch. Say ‘yes’ and all this would end. Grady would never have to know it had all been just an illusion. He didn’t need to know that his best friend had deceived him. It could all just go away with that single three-letter word; yes. The worst mistake of his life –erased as if it had never been committed.

Casey stared at the computer screen and could feel the tension in Grady as the man waited for his answer. Grady’s face rose up in Casey’s mind; the light in his eyes when he spoke of his date tonight –the date Casey was ruining. He didn’t have to be right there beside Grady to know he was hoping and praying that “Juliet” would assure him she didn’t want this to end. But what would be the reward in prolonging it? Maybe if it ended now, Grady would just feel the bruise of it all but still escape without any prominent wounds.

His throat tightened as he again saw Grady’s face, the excitement and thrill of exploring this relationship more deeply. Casey’s vision blurred. No matter what he did at this point –Grady would be hurt. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, choking on a sob. “I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

His fingertips played over the keyboard without really touching it, repeatedly moving to the Y, E, and S keys. Just be done with it. Put it behind you and swear to never fuck with Grady this way again. He never has to know it was you.

Warm tears slid down his face. What was he waiting for? He had his “out”. The door was wide open. Yet he hesitated.

You don’t deserve an easy out. You owe Grady the truth. Why should you get to fuck with his heart and then walk away unscathed while he suffers the repercussions of “your” mistake?

His fingers trembled as he touched them to the keys.

‘No. I don’t want to end this. I really like you too. I guess I’m just afraid you won’t keep liking me once you get to know me.’

I would have to be crazy to stop liking you. And up to date, no one has fitted me for a white jacket with wrap-around sleeves.

Casey smiled, fresh tears rolling down his cheeks. Maybe not everyone would find Grady’s humor charming, but Casey did. Of course, as far as Casey was concerned, everything about Grady was “charming”.

‘You’re funny. I like a man with a charming sense of humor.’

Most of my friends think I have a cheesy sense of humor.

Casey’s lips tightened with a smile. It was true. Most of them did.

‘Even Casey?’

Oh no. He thinks I’m hilarious. Maybe I need more gay friends.

“No, you don’t,” Casey whispered.

Casey would probably say ‘no way’.

Grady knew him well, apparently.

‘Why is that?’

I don’t know. I get the feeling he likes being my only gay friend.

Casey swallowed thickly as new tears formed.

‘Maybe it makes him feel like he’s special to you.’

He is. But not because he’s gay. He’s been my best friend since we were kids. I love him.

Tremors swept through Casey and he leaned back, hugging himself fiercely as a rush of sobs seized him. He knew what Grady meant when he said he loved him. Like a brother. Casey’s chin dug into his chest, tears streaming down his cheeks and dripping onto his t-shirt. He didn’t deserve Grady’s love at all.