Journey to the Center of the Heart (a novella)

Chapter 3 - "Troubled Hearts"

The heat of Grady’s hand felt like it was melting away the denim that prevented skin on skin connection. Since their “chat” last night, every little thing Grady did was enhanced in Casey’s perspective; every tease felt loaded with undertones, every touch purposeful, every look…holding promise.

Get a fucking grip and just own up to your sins. He had to tell him. But when he opened his mouth to confess, nothing came out. The words he’d rehearsed on the way back from the market had abandoned him.

Grady squeezed his thigh just above his knee, urging him to speak. Casey looked away and closed his eyes, his heart beating like a jack hammer. How the hell was he supposed to collect his thoughts with the guy’s hand on his leg?

“Since when do you have such a tough time talking to me?” Grady wondered. He chuckled. “Usually I can’t get you to shut up.”

Why the fuck was he still holding onto his leg? It didn’t mean anything, that much he knew for sure. Shit, he had to do this. He had to just get it the fuck over with. “Grady…” he swallowed hard and forced himself to look at the guy. Once the words were out…would he lose his best friend? Surely this hadn’t yet escalated so far, that their friendship was truly at risk. Had it?

Grady was looking at him expectantly.

“I, uh…” Casey’s throat suddenly felt clogged and he glanced away, clearing it out. Or tried to. He still felt like he couldn’t swallow –couldn’t breathe. Shit, what the fuck possessed him to start all of this in the first place? Had he seriously thought Grady would find it amusing? Even at the beginning? “I was just thinking about your…your date tonight…”

“Case…” Grady shook his head and smiled. “Look, man, I was just joking when I said you were jealous. I hope you didn’t take that serious.”

“No. I know,” Casey mumbled. “I-I didn’t.”

“Are you pissed about something else I said?” he asked sincerely. “Or did?”

Casey released a slow breath and shook his head. I’m not pissed at you, Grady. I’m pissed at me. “No,” Casey said quietly and stared at Grady’s hand still resting on his leg. “I just…I need to tell you…” The words stopped right there. Fizzled away to nothing.

“Tell me what?”

That I’m “Juliet” –that’s what. That I was just fucking with you, playing a joke. But it got away from me and now…now I don’t know what the fuck to do.

The words spun inside his head but refused to drop to his tongue. “Nothing,” he whispered and scooted forward, leaning on his knees as he set the beer bottle on the coffee table. He dragged his hands through his hair then stood up, painfully conscious of Grady’s hand sliding off his leg. “I’m not really into watching a game today. I think I’ll just head home.”

“Wait.” Grady practically jumped up and grabbed Casey’s arm. “What’s wrong? What did you want to tell me?”

Shit. Grady wasn’t one to let things go. “I…” Casey looked at him and couldn’t keep the film of tears from glazing his eyes. “I did something really stupid.” His voice was hardly more than a whisper and shook badly. “I…I made a mistake, and now…” he swallowed thickly and dropped his gaze to the floor. “I don’t know what to do to…to fix it.”

Grady cupped the side of his neck. “Okay. So tell me what you did and maybe I can help you.” He smiled softly and gently squeezed Casey’s neck. “We all do stupid things. You know I got your back. And besides, it probably isn’t nearly as tragic as it seems.”