The Pros and Cons of Being Alice Turner

Chapter 7

The next day, Alice walked toward the library, trying to step lightly on the soft ground. As she entered, she noticed Riley leaned over a yearbook. Curious, she walked over and sat on the table. They were, of course, finding themselves and people they knew. Immediately Alice found Riley and Zane's pictures. The orange-haired boy had this smirk that made her eyes linger, whereas Riley's showed her with long wavy hair.
How strange. Alice never knew that she'd had it that long at one point.
Movement in the left corner of her sight made her notice that Zane was now also sitting on the library table, leaning much in the way she was. He was so close that she caught his scent.
She had no choice but to focus on it. It was different than usual. Instead of that thick smell she came to associate with boys, it held not even a hint. It was something she couldn't place, but it was nice all the same.
As his eyes searched the faces printed in alphabetical order, Alice couldn't help but notice how easily she could kiss him. Her subconscious stepped in. "You can't tell someone not to kiss you then try to do yourself." Yeah yeah.
She shifted her focus to Riley, still unsure if the girl even wanted to know her the way she did when she slipped that note into Alice's journal. She wasn't as shy as Alice had first thought, but even so she gave no real indication of affection or even lust. "There were a few times." Her subconscious muttered.
The bell rang for first period and Alice found herself disappointed that she had to leave the small group of people. Maybe she missed the way things were after all, but it didn't matter. She couldn't get close to someone like that.

So I guess you're wondering what happened to Laura. Well she's in the drill team now, all gussied up in sequins and red lipstick. That's not what you wanted to know though, is it? Fine, I'll tell you how I lost her as a friend.
It was maybe a week or so after the party and she confronted me on my squirrelly behavior for the past week. I told her that I couldn't tell her and she got upset. I finally broke down and told her that I would go over to her house that day and explain.
Well, unbeknownst to me, Adam was her sibling's 'bro' and was hanging out until they could leave for the movies. I walked into the door with my friend, saw the thing that hurt me sitting casually on the couch texting, and ran upstairs. I don't know he saw me and I didn't care.
I plopped down in Laura's purple comforter and tried to stop hyperventilating. "What's wrong with you?" Laura walked into the room, thankfully closing the door, and placed her hands on her hips, for once not careful of her Lolita nail art.
"Do you know him?" I managed to ask. I was regaining my breath. "Yeah, he's Adam. I don't know where Amber is, usually she comes with him." I stared at her in horror. "What? What is it?" Laura pulled out her rolling chair and started tying up her brown curls in a low ponytail.
"Okay. Do you remember the party?" She blushed lightly. "Yeah." I see I'm not the only one who got some action. "I met him there....when we got separated. Who is Amber?"
"She's really beautiful." As if on cue, the door had opened. "Oh sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt girl talk, I just came to say goodbye." The guest smiled and closed the door, her eyes meeting mine for a second. "That's her..." I breathed. Laura looked at me in question.
"She left me with him. I was... I was drunk. She found me and left me with Adam. He took me to the host's... Bedroom." My friends eyes widened, but I think it was in scandalous. It was silent for a moment. "He raped me."
Okay, so I'm going to leave out the lengthy conversation of her getting mad because "There's no way he would do that." and her even getting hurt because "Why he he touch you? If anything he would've brought me in there. He just didn't know where I was." Laura went into denial and she didn't believe me. Not even when I showed her the bruise on my right wrist. That's how I lost her.
Alice looked up, wanting to ask her teacher if it was too late to try and do something else, but as Ms. Weather looked down at her phone and shook her head in confusion, Alice made the decision to ask later.
I got 1,321 on my SRI test. Ms. Weathers (surprisedly) told me I was in a senior reading level. I also had the highest score. That made me happy.
I just had a little longer left. Fifteen school days and then that's it. Then I can read to my heart's content and forget about the boy I saw in a dream before I even met him and the same boy I kissed, the boy that I have feelings for. I can forget about the slightly shy and adorable lesbian girl the slipped me a note in Biology. I can forget about Adam and Amber. I can forget about the people who exiled me from their circle.
The only problem is that I won't be able to forget my family. Instead of the nine, blissful hours away from them, I'll only have a few. Give and take, I suppose.
Alice closed her notebook before falling in too deep. She needed to have something happy happen. She booted up her laptop and checked her Facebook. At least there she had people to talk to. The search bar drew her attention. "Search for people," it said.
She knew it was a bad idea, but she couldn't resist, she typed his name. "Zane Andes." There he was, the first result. Clicking it reluctantly, feeling strange invading his privacy.
Alice grabbed a pretzel from the bag next to her and scrolled. Pictures and videos were everywhere. Of him when he was younger, reading a story to his sister, and just being... Zane.
He seemed like a different person, and yet she felt like she knew him now. Alice wiped the tears that came from nowhere and laughed, closing out his profile.
Why did she do this when she knew it could make this worse? Even so, she knew that she needed to just stop thinking for a bit. She needed to stop worrying about Riley and Zane and her mother.

"Alice." The voice made her jump. She closed her book and removed a headphone to see who had spoken. It was Zane. Memories of the night before rushed over and suddenly she felt intrusive. "H-hey." She stammered out. He half-smiled for a second before sitting down next to her.
"Are you okay?" He asked quietly. Alice was taken off guard for a just a moment. "I'm fine." She said. Zane looked at her, knowing full well that she was lying through her teeth. Not everyone bought her bluff.
"Well I'm here, anytime, anywhere. You have a phone right?" Alice nodded. "Cool. Can I see it?" Alice bit her lip and reluctantly pulled out her phone. The case was sort of a girl purple and her list was inside of it. "I'll get you to the contact...thing." There was no way she'd let him see her wallpaper, not when it was a picture of them.
It seemed odd that a boy like him, or anyone really, was giving his number to her. It had been a while since something like that was normal. "Text me." He ordered. When Alice said nothing, he leaned forward. "Promise me." His voice was soft and pleading. Alice's throat choked with tears trying to rise. She nodded, not trusting her voice. Could someone really care?
That night, she did text him. It was normal conversation until her mother popped in for a visit.
The woman didn't even knock. "What the fuck are your teachers calling me for? Telling me I need to make sure you're okay, did you tell them to teach me how to fucking raise you?" Alice said nothing.
"Don't just sit there like a fish. You know what they're gonna do? They assume your fucking suicidal and then they make me take you to a crazy hospital. Is that what you want? Do you want to screw your mother over because Jimmy teased you." Her voice was full of malice. Not just to the point of dripping, but a full waterfall.
She wouldn't cry, not in front of her mother. "Fuck off. I haven't done anything." Her mom got wild eyed and slapped her leg for dramatic effect. "That's exactly there problem! Do something you nutcase. We all have problems." Alice hated this, she hated her house. "Leave it alone." She responded, her voice sounding miles away.
Surprisingly her mother left the room. Immediately Alice remembered why she had Zane's number and she recounted what had just happened. She couldn't help getting emotional and crying, unable to even see what she was typing. Mind rushing, she told him how she was and how she felt and that it was like slowly being crushed by everyone. Never getting a hint of someone noticing besides how he did occasionally. She needed him then.
It was half an hour of Alice waiting numbly for a response, but none came. 'Did you fall asleep...?' She sent. Still no answer. He'd lied.

Getting to school the next morning was worse than usual. She checked her phone to find a small 'I'm so fucking sorry I wasn't there...' from Zane. Sorry wasn't anything.
He bothered her all day, apologizing and beating himself up, though she couldn't imagine why.
He even showed up during her walk. He pulled down her headphones. "You can't keep ignoring me." Alice said nothing, just finished walking to the gazebo, her mind so far away from whatever memory her mind wanted to forget just then.
She sat down hard on the dark wood. "Fuck off." An echo of last night's conversation. "No." He replied, placing himself close enough for their legs to touch. "Anytime, anywhere, huh?" Alice sounded bitter to herself. She sounded beyond broken. "Please. Don't any things like that."
"You lied." She looked at him, hoping then to convey every bit of betrayal she could. Apparently it worked, he dropped his head in his hands. "I want you to be okay."
"What the fuck are you doing? What is this? Why are you suddenly so involved?" She didn't want him involved, she didn't want him to have to hold up the damn sky for her, she didn't want help despite being crushed.
Zane didn't answer her, except for a sudden kiss. His hands went into her hand to keep her from pulling away, but Alice found that she didn't want to. She let herself have this, to remember his soft lips and the taste of him. She pushed down the tears as usual and allowed him to pull her into his lap.
"I want you to be okay." He breathed after pulling away from their kiss. He untangled his finger gently from my dark hair. "I can't." I shook my head. "I can't anymore."
It was then that she realized the situation; Alice had let this happen, had let herself live in a lie for even a second. "No." She whispered. "What do you mean?" He asked.
Alice shook her head again and scrambled off of him. "I'm easy to lie to." She repeated one of her cons. She chuckled softly. "Fuck." She said before spinning on her heel and leaving Zane behind, just like he had done to her. No kiss would change that. Unlike the kissing that had ruined everything in the beginning.