REVENGE IN THE VILLAGE

part 3

My stances and opinions towards Mama Rosa’s daughters  however succumbed when I later joined a city campus to study a degree in commerce. I was quick to make new friends there and also gather as much coaching as I could mostly on subjects unfolding the know how to deal with ladies together with other related topics.
According to my own school of research, of all the teachings comrades acquire in campus,90% are ones outside the course work and most of them are passed from one ‘philosopher’ to another.
Campus philosophers are guys who are considered to be highly experienced, knowledgeable and basically the school veterans. They are the popular lot across the institution gates and every word they utter makes perfect sense to their fellow comrades.
The only sad thing is that knowledge and power in campus is usually measured in terms of number of girls one has managed to bed or if you are a drug peddler in the institution. Guys who have no girlfriends or female friends ( with benefits) are considered as flops and failures by the other comrades and this even becomes worse if you don’t do alcoholics or smoke marijuana and victims spend their whole campus life whistling and pocketing all along the semester with no friends.

During my first year in campus, i lived in the school hostels and I was the chairman of the so branded ‘failures’ at that time.
“sasa watu ka wewe mtasema mlikuja campus kufanya nini,” my roommate would question my abilities each night after ending a call with one of his numerous girlfriends. My hostel roommate, his name James kamau was a tall light skinned and lean guy from Githurai areas. He had his hair dyed brown on the front which made me think that he resembled the renown koffi olominde, a Congolese singer and composer and his eyes always looked guilty. He always teased and jeered at me each and every weekend calling me a virgin and other intimidating words you would call someone like me and he had once joked that my manhood thinks that the owner died long time ago.
All these events would happen before he exiled me for a day or two and while making my way to south B where my cousin lived, I always questioned my abilities with voices of; Is James even more handsome than me? He looks like an emaciated kid who has not eaten anything for a couple of days. He talks like a mug and he is always using offensive words when speaking.
“Be the change you want to see” I would blab under my clenched fists to the words of a certain motivational speaker back in my highschool days and then vow to change my corwadice character only to reconsider my decisions sooner than later because of more fear.

One day, just one very day when I came back to our room from 2 days exile, I decided to seek advice from James. It was one hot Tuesday afternoon when James staggered in the room dressed up like one of these modern genge tone artists. He lit a danhill cigar and puffed on it before scattering the smoke all over the place, something he used to do whenever he needed to use his brain. He then progressed on lecturing me on the basics and essentials of handling women and this day  I opened up to him on my love for Mama Rosa’s daughters and he quite proved to be my savior this time round.

‘usiogope mamake tena bro, kwani yeye atamuoa (don’t fear her mother, brother, will she marry her)’, was one of the last lines of many with James that evening. His advices were proving so precious to me mainly because he had managed to accomplish what I was aspiring to have a go at and I found myself investing all my faith and trust in whatever he uttered. I was not able to relate how such an incompetent weed-smoking fella managed to bed different ladies each weekend and me, being the good guy here, got snubbed by every other lady. Was he even human?

I met mama Rosa’s first born, Wambui, on the first day I arrived in the country side from the city. It was slightly some days since the end of semester and I had boarded a bus home from town. It was the easiest link to get home because there were no cabs those days. I alighted the bus at the reserves shopping Centre and proceeded to make my way along concrete footpath that led to my village all this time whistling the new song from sauti sol, Nikushike. The path seemed perfectly normal that day with litter scattered allover as usual and livestock grazing on the overgrown vegetation on the sideways.  The soil smelled just perfect as if it had been rained on and this enlightened my home coming just as much as salary addition would enlighten the life of the Kenyan civil servants who are always on strike because of poor pay. That was not the story anyway, Just about 200 meters away I spotted her. She was dressed in a classy pair of blue denim pair of pants and a light green crop top with a big, ‘LOVE’ label on the front. Her hair was black, natural and it tumbled down her shoulders. The chance just presented its self and it was my time to make my move finally. I remembered reading a line from the internet that read,” first impression matters” and I wouldn’t stand a chance to spoil this day because recently I had been living as if all my life had been leading to that moment. I tried to recall some of the several pickup lines I had made an attempt to memorize from all the teen fiction and romance movies I had been watching recently but all was lost through the thin air. My brain has this habit of failing me in the biggest occasions mostly being the exam room.

I knew I had to pull myself from the comfort zone I was living in and step up my game this time. I knew my time had come and it was too late to reconsider my early decisions. Was I too way out of her league? was I good enough? I composed myself and pulled my game A with an inspiration that my face, voice and body complexion were way better than my roommate’s who was a darling to all ladies and with my best tough guy voice I greeted, “mambo msupa (hello beautiful), you actually remind me of the 22 letters of the alphabet."
She turned her head around to my direction as if it was a scripted Hindi film we were shooting and laughed sheepishly amidst her reply, “are they usually 22 or 26?”
“ oooh, you mean they are 26. Don’t tell me I forgot U,R,Q,T (which read something like you are cute)” I uttered romantically with my eyes glued on the writing on her top which perfectly run across her chest on top of her two boobs. I knew she had fallen into my trap because she seemed so interested in everything I said. I went on to tell her my name and she admitted to have heard a lot about me mainly because I was the only person in a longtime from my village, who had joined a university through the government sponsorship program, presently KUCCPS. That was my breakthrough strike. I hadn’t thought of it.

We had a brief chat for over five minutes with me occasionally making her laugh, complimenting her beauty and also asking her monkey questions and just before her departure I had gained the guts to influence her to give me her phone number. This is always the hardest part of landing a new catch as far as am concerned because most ladies will find it better to play hard to get before finally parting with their mobile number and that’s the reason most guys get their partners through connections from friends.
“my phone actually has one problem,” I started as I fished my phone from my sweatpants pockets. She looked at me as if she was reading my mind and then gave me a signal to continue with my speech. She is one of the few people I know with misplaced senses. Like she talks with her eyes, sees with her mouth and smells with her ears. She was already wearing a ‘so what look’ on her face but strangely, thanks to the confident booster from the legendary James talk, I was already feeling comfortable in front of her despite speaking to her for the first time in forever. Unlike I had earlier thought, she was cheerful, calm and warm. I was thinking first and I was quick to continue. I am not usually humorous in speeches and this is perfectly normal to me because most writers have that weakness. They are so bad in oral communication.
“my phone lacks something very vital and that’s your phone number,” I was looking directly into her eyes and I saw her smile at that. She might have confused me for a very courageous person.
“Has anyone ever told you that you are funny tony,” she teased at last with another smile. I knew I was already winning this. It was easier than I thought. I have never realized why all the tasks that look more tough and demanding usually at times turn to be even simpler than the actual simple ones.

I gave her my phone, a new model smartphone I had purchased with the Helb money which I had received a month ago and watched her as she put it in place. She wore an angelic smile all this time with her strong perfume traces turning me on instantly. I wanted to grab her ass in front of everyone passing by the road and be as freaky as shit. I wanted to grab her head forcefully and kiss her juicy red lips. I was surely lost in thoughts when she slapped me slightly on the fore head and gave me my phone back.
“What are you thinking tough guy” she teased again.
“uuuumh, nothing. I was just….” I stammered. She laughed and I could see she was already on cloud nine. My confidence that day had fooled her to thinking that I was a tough guy. I knew I owed james a souvenir. He really deserved a statue just outside the parliament building.
“see you some other time tony.” She declared as she swayed her ass towards the shopping market. She left me in the seven heavens.