He stood in the living room and looked around it felt so empty without her presence, she always filled up the empty spaces with her crassness and loud demeanor.
The air felt unfamiliar now, but that scent still clung on, he needed that smell so the loneliness would not creep up and push him down.
He didn't want to think, but a part of him wanted to...needed too.
He didn't know how to exist without her, he hated himself for feeling this way, the horrors that lived inside his brain, scared him a little, but without them he didn't know who he was, who he was supposed to be.
He knew the house would have to be sold, but he wasn't sure if he could let it go just yet, but he hated the walls of this house, and if the walls could talk would they speak about the things that went on, or would they, like himself not speak or scream, oh how she hated the screaming, she always said 'Big boys don't scream' .
He never screamed it only made it worse, at the beginning before she had laid out the rule about the no screaming, it just went on for so long, the more he screamed the more she touched him and the scent just made him dizzy till he felt like he was falling headlong. So the next time she took him to satisfy her carnal desires, he didn't scream, he did as he was told, and she always whispered 'show me how much you love me' but the scent, the scent always made his head hurt so much, but he had to show mummy how much he loved her, otherwise she would throw him in the room, the room without any windows, where the air always was stale.
He fought back the tears, he didn't want to remember, but he couldn't help it. It just kept replaying over and over in his head, her laughter, and the words that always haunt him, 'show mummy how much you love me' he loved her, he always loved her.
The house was sold now, he stood in the empty hallway now looking back one last time. He didn't know what he was going to do now, or where he was going to go, all he knew was that he had to get away from here, these walls, and that room, the room without the windows, and that smell that still hung in the air.
He bought a train ticket to a destination he didn't know, he needed to go far away, away from everything. He boarded the train and took his seat, a window seat, he needed to see the outside, the trees, the sky, the lady in front of him smiled, he smiled back slowly. She leaned forward and asked him the time, he was about to answer, but his head started to spin, and his nostrils were filled with a familiar smell, that smell and the words echoed in his head.....'show mummy how much you love me', he started to rock back and forth, he kept saying the words over and over 'Big boys don't scream' and like a dam it shot forth....he screamed.
