twelve months after • jenlisa

EIGHTEEN

Lisa and Jennie walked hand in hand in the streets of Thailand, holding onto a pork skewer in their free hands.

Lisa finished hers and threw the stick into a nearby trashbin. She felt the ring sitting in the pocket of her jeans, wondering if tonight was the right moment. She mentally shook her head, they were going too fast, the ring is going to have to wait.

The taller girl looked to her side to see Jennie adorably munching on her food as she looked around the place, "I totally forgot how beautiful Thailand really is."

Lisa chuckled, "This is the night market, Jennie. How beautiful can it be?"

"It's beautiful because I have you here with me, it wouldn't be as special if you weren't."

Lisa smiled at the older girl, "You are so cheesy."

"You love it."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." said Lisa with small smirk.

"So, where are we going?" asked Jennie.

"I don't know." answered Lisa.

"Let's just walk around."

"Sure."

••••

Jennie and Lisa found themselves sitting on a park bench, munching on a delicious street hamburger that Lisa insisted for the older girl to try.

It was just the two of them around the area, since it was late at night.

Jennie ate in silence as she looked out into the empty park. Lisa, on the other hand, stared at her.

"You've been looking at me all night."

"I can't help it. You just get prettier everytime I look at you." said Lisa.

Jennie laughed, uncharacteriscally spilling her food everywhere, "Oh shit."

The older girl tried to remove the bits of food from her clothes with the back of her hand.

"What's funny?" Lisa's brows knit together as she helped Jennie clean her clothes.

"It's just that," Jennie turned to look at her, "You can't possibly still find me pretty after all these years."

"But I do."

"You get tired of me soon enough." Jennie smiled sadly, looking down at her half-eaten burger.

Lisa placed her hand on the back of Jennie's neck, making her look at her, "Where's all this insecurity coming from, Jen?"

"From you."

"What?"

Jennie stood up from her seat and said, "Ever since you left me, I felt unworthy of love."

Lisa's mouth dropped at the other woman's sudden change of mood, "I ..."

"You are so selfish, Lisa." Jennie said, slowly becoming angry, "You kept all of this from me."

"Now, wait a damn minute," Lisa stood up, towering Jennie, "You were okay with this when I first told you about it."

"Because you were crying, Lisa!" exclaimed Jennie, exasperated. "You were broken, I didn't have a chance to tell you how I actually felt."

"How you actually felt?!" said Lisa, her own anger rising up. They were having such a nice night. "You are so fucking confusing!"

"You asked me where my insecurities were coming from, they came from you, Lisa! When you left me. You made me feel as if I wasn't enough for you to stay. Your reasons for leaving is valid, and I understand, but you hurt me, and that doesn't just go away."

"I'm sorry!" Lisa yelled out, "I was selfish, but I'm here now."

"You were!" Jennie shouted at Lisa's face, tears now escaping her beautiful eyes, "Do you know how many nights I cried myself to sleep wondering where I went wrong?! You left me broken and confused, Lisa!"

"This is pointless, Jennie." said Lisa, rubbing her forehead and sitting back down on the bench. "I'm sorry, okay? I am so sorry. I'm trying so hard to be the best person you could ever be with, I'm trying so fucking hard."

Jennie looked away with tears streaming down her face, "I just wished you told me. I would've let you go, you know? It would've saved me the heartache."

"I know." Lisa looked up at Jennie with tears in her eyes, "My mom, she's-"

"Don't." said Jennie dismissively.

"I'm sorry."

Jennie nodded, letting silence take over.

After a few moments, Lisa suggested, "Let's go home?"

Jenne wiped her tears, "Yeah, let's go."

••••

Jennie got out of the ensuite bathroom after cleaning herself up, seeing Lisa lay on the bed with her eyes closed.

Jennie bit her lip as she approached the bed they shared.

Sliding in next to Lisa, she said, "Lisa?"

"Yeah?" said Lisa, her eyes remained shut.

"I'm sorry."

Lisa sighed out, "It's okay, baby. I'm sorry too."

"I didn't want to ruin our night."

"I still have thousands of nights to spend with you." chuckled Lisa as she rolled over and embraced Jennie from the back.

Jennie smiled, "I, uhm, I got my period, so maybe that's why-"

"Explains it." said Lisa as she chuckled into Jennie's hair.

"I'm still sorry."

"Don't ever be sorry for expressing how you feel, Jennie."

Jennie closed her eyes, "We're okay?"

"We're okay." said Lisa, "I love you."

"I love you too." said Jennie before letting sleep take over her.