The words I could never say out loud

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I'm scared. So scared. My stomachs churning and I'm yearning for something I don't even know. And I don't know how to get home. Don't know if I even have one anymore. Home is where your heart is, what do I do when I've lost mine? Lost the last true bit of happiness my poor heart has ever known. Gone because of my own weakness. My inability to stand up for myself when I need to most. My fear and wickedness. My own sin and damnation. And god did I love every second of it. He made me happy and you tore it all away because of your own damn fear and pain. Please, all I ask for is a chance to make my own mistakes. That's all I want. It's all I need. And what I want is him. Nothing more, nothing less. Please. God. Please. Just. Please.

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