Take my hand and never be afraid again...

Take my hand and never be afraid again 10

Four Years Later...

I was standing at the airport, waiting anxiously. Frank had just finished a year long world tour for their latest album "Danger Days". I had missed him immensely. The house was so big and quiet without him so I had gotten a dog, who I trained as a therapy dog. She was currently sitting calmly by side. It looked out of place, a Dalmatian sitting calmly in the middle of the airport, but she was well-trained. I gave myself a subtle once over in the window. I had waist length chocolate brown hair that was curly at the ends and bright green eyes. I had done very simple make up - foundation and mascara only. I was wearing black skinny jeans, a white tank top and a grey knee length cardigan with black boots.

Finally, people started filing out of the gate. I keenly looked for Frank and Hawkeye sensed my excitement, standing up and looking around. Finally, I saw Frank making his way out of the gate and I started towards him.

"FRANK!" I called, and he spotted me, smiling. He ran up to me and went to hug me, but Hawkeye stood in his way making him stop.

"Heel" I said, and Hawkeye moved to my side and sat. I hugged Frank.

"I'm so happy to see you, how was the flight?" I asked

"Good. I'm so glad to be home, but I'm so tired. Let's just go home?" Frank said

"Uh, just you back?" I asked

Frank nodded, "I'm sorry. He decided to stay in Los Angeles"

My shoulders sagged a little but I forced myself to smile, "Okay. Let's go home"

Gerard and I hadn't spoken in a year. We had been going very strong and had even spoken of marriage and then Gerard had told me that the band was going on tour for a year and that he wanted me to take this time to explore all of my options. He said he didn't want to weigh me down.

I cried and begged him to re consider, but he was adamant. It had turned out that he was drinking and self medicating again. At first Frank had told me of the episodes he had, of the women. After a month I begged Frank to stop telling me. I couldn't handle it. I began having nightmares again, that's when I got Hawkeye. Gerard would phone me when he got so drunk he forgot he'd broken up with me. Eventually, I'd changed my number. However, no matter how much I tried to forget him, I never could. Last I has heard, Gerard was being shipped to a rehab facility in Los Angeles and could potentially transfer down here. It appeared he had decided to stay.

I got Frank home and he went straight for a shower. I unpacked his bags and put his washing on. In one of the bags I found a letter addressed to me.

I put it in my pocket and then went to the kitchen to start dinner. We ate in silence and then Frank said he was tired and went to bed. I walked Hawkeye and then went up to room and sat on my bed.

I took the letter out of my pocket and I looked at the hand writing. It was Gerard's.

Sugar,

There are no words, in any language that could ever be enough to explain my regret. I know a broken leg isn't an excuse, maybe it is an illness or maybe I am just weak. I don't know. I couldn't bear to think of the disappointment you must have felt the moment I took that first pill. In my head you were so disappointed in me and I couldn't bear it so I took more pills to forget. I drank to forget.

It was my disappointment, not yours, although I am sure you are. I let you down. I know you can never forgive me - I don't deserve it and as much as I want to ask you to wait for me, because the thought of you loving another man is completely unbearable, I cannot. I do not deserve it. I do not deserve you.