The North-South Love Saga

Ye Bandhan To Pyar Ka Bandhan Hai

Dating is indeed considered taboo in South India. It's astonishing that a 19-year-old girl who is eligible to vote and marry is forbidden from engaging in any form of dating. Even the word 'date' is deemed inappropriate. It is considered cheap and unacceptable for a South Indian girl to have male friends, let alone be "special friends" with a North Indian who doesn't belong to the Brahmin community.

Vardaan had it much easier in comparison. His incredibly kind sister, Riya, embraced my presence without any hesitation. She was absolutely delighted when she found out about our relationship. However, my younger sister, driven by concern for my well-being, was apprehensive and feared that Vardaan would take advantage of me. Alongside my aforementioned best friend, they concluded that I was being foolish and headed for disaster. My sister, Vittu,* even went as far as writing me a threatening letter, demanding that I choose between Vardaan and her. She was so angry that she burned a T-shirt he had given me.

As for my highly educated mother, she responded by showing me the nine planets** when she caught me talking to Vardaan late one night. We were actually arguing about one of my friends who claimed, "Give me a month, and I'll prove that he is not good for you." However, I simply couldn't believe it. It wasn't a matter of trust; it just didn't make sense to me.

My mother snatched the phone from my hand and read a text message that said, "I'm so sorry. I love you." Vardaan continued to send me messages. When he didn't receive a reply, he called my phone. My mother answered and pretended to be me. Vardaan understood the situation and ended the call.

Throughout that night, my mother lectured me, threatened to disown me, and claimed that I was bringing shame upon our family, all because I loved a boy. In their eyes, I wasn't supposed to be in love at all. I was merely their 20-year-old daughter who couldn't navigate the cruel world on her own.

Following that incident, every time I left the house, I had to assure my mother that I wasn't meeting Vardaan. Her eyes were fixated on the phone in my hands, checking to see if I was texting him. I don't blame her for her actions; she was just looking out for me. If I were a parent, I might have experienced similar anxieties.

The narrative from my parents shifted from "you cannot love any boy" to "you cannot love a North Indian boy." They questioned why I couldn't have found a nice Telugu Brahmin boy and suggested that I should consider dating one of my Telugu friends. Love doesn't work that way; there are no exchange offers, Mom and Dad!

I repeatedly assured them that Vardaan was just a friend. I promised them that I wouldn't meet him or talk to him. My message to my mother before heading out would be, "No, Mom, I'm not going out with him. No, Mom, I'm not going to engage in any physical activities with him" (albeit indirectly). It was torturous!

Parents refuse to acknowledge even the slightest possibility of the physical aspects of a relationship. It begs the question, how was I even born?

*Currently, my sister couldn't be happier for me. She even mentioned that since Vardaan entered my life, I've become much healthier and happier.

**This mnemonic was used during childhood to remember the order of the planets: My Very Intelligent Mother Just Showed Us Nine Planets (Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune, Pluto).