LILLY WINTERRARE

1

I tossed and turned. My body felt hot and my head was spinning.

"You have to say something, tell someone-"

"You are someone," I giggled nervously.

"Not me, this is bigger that the two of us and-"

I turned again, the bedsheet was getting soaked in sweat. The windows were open, and I could feel the breeze but it just slid over my skin without cooling it. I longed for the cold and my body naturally gravitated towards the wall by the bed. I pressed myself to the wall, gluing myself to it trying to absorb its coolness but it wasn't enough to fight the heat within.

I shouldn't have told her. However, she was right, it was bigger than me. It was bigger than the two of us.

"Is that blood? Lily what happened?"

It flashed through my eyes the image of his dark brown eyes staring at me almost as though begging me not to pour that shovel of sand unto him. He deserved better but I was too busy saving myself. I could see it, the tears formed on the brim of his eyes and the paleness of his skin compared to mine. Then there was the gapping whole in the center of his head revealing the dark earth beneath his body. He didn't want to die, then again no one did.

"Lily, shh shh, it is okay I got you, let it go now." The shovel fell from my hand and the sky sensing my sin let down its water trying to purify me, but I was too far gone. There was no turning back now.

My eyes opened to the darkness of my room. My fan was spinning above my head; wildly and haphazardly, much like my life these past few months. It was as though the more I tried to grasp it the more its sharp edges cut into my skin. I couldn't go on like this, but I was too far gone. I closed my eyes, but sleep was futile. However, I had developed the ability of experiencing nightmares while awake, nightmares that could have just been memories.

Pow!

It was loud and ringing in my ears. That sadistic smile on his face growing grim as this man who was lunging for my neck fell limply on my body. I watched as the life left him, the shock of his end on his face. I watched the color drain from his cheeks to become the pale shade they will remain forever. 

I hoped he went somewhere dark. A place where he was tormented, and his nightmares were his only release. He left this world too early, but I hope where he was, he was bitter and cold and most importantly suffering. I hope he cried so much and he had no tears left in him. I hope he couldn't sleep because his dreams tormented him. I hope he had no one because no could understand him. I hope he lived trapped in his sins. I hoped he lived...like me. A stray tear rolled out of my closed eyes, but I was too afraid to sniffle. It was too late to start crying.

The sounds of birds chirping woke me from a slumber I didn't realize I had fallen into. My face felt sticky and my throat felt rough. I was crying again in my sleep. I got out of bed and walked to the bathroom. In the mirror a disheveled version of myself stared back at me. Her hair was in every direction. Her eyes were red and underneath them was a tone dark than their usual shade. Her lips were cracked and wounded, and her cheeks were swollen and stained with tears. I brought my hands to my cheeks; I noticed the slight tremble in my fingers. Suddenly, my fingers began to multiply as tears formed in my eyes. I shut them tight allowing the stray ones to fall.

"You have no one else. Do you know what happens to people like you? Pregnant and abandoned before you are 20. You have no one else-"

My eyes opened and my hands fumbled with the sink handle, opening the tap to drown out his voice.

"Nobody likes a baggage."

The voice was getting louder.

"Nobody wants the extra weight."