Insecurities

ii.

"Death was the only option for her. She has no other choice but that. You know why?"

A few hands raise up. My eyes roam the class, spying the ones who are sleeping, daydreaming, texting, or pretending to pay attention. I zero in on Klaus' raised hand. The kid who's always smiling.

"Yes, Klaus?"

"Because she feels pressured to do something she didn't want to do."

I nod along with the others in the class.

"You're right. But is dying really the solution?"

Klaus shakes his head, brilliant smile in place.

"No, sir." Then the fire in his eyes dies a little. "But we can't really blame her. Sometimes when you feel defeated, the only thing you can do is to defeat your self first before your enemy does it."

A good answer. I want to clap him in the back but don't. That's not what teachers do. They just give out grades, and smile at parents and tell them bullshit things about their children.

"You may sit down."

Two and a half weeks later

"What happened?"

Alicia Simmons is crying and screaming. Her face is all blotchy and red. This is the first time I've seen a high school student not care about how they currently look. But I guess when you see your boyfriend tied to a rope from the ceiling, you wouldn't care.

"Did someone call the ambulance already?"

Brody raises his phone, his blue hair bright against the sunlight hitting it. "Done."

"Everybody please step back. Alicia, calm down please."

Alicia turns angry eyes at me.

"You want me to calm down when my boyfriend just committed suicide? How the fuck do I do that, huh?"

Fists hit my chest but they don't cause pain. Instead, I wrap my hands around her slim wrists and tug her to Brody, who encased her in his arms.

"Calm down, girlfriend. Your makeup's ruined."

I turn away from them and face the janitor's closet. This place has seen every little thing high schoolers do when they don't want anyone else to see. And right now, it has added another one.

"I wonder how he must be feeling right now."

Klaus stands next to me, his hands in his pockets.

"I doubt you can feel anything when you're dead."

Leo Warren is-was Klaus' best friend, or so I've heard. I wonder what he's feeling right now.

"What do you think happened?"

Klaus shrugs, his eyes focused on the lifeless body of his friend. I notice they're a bit wet with tears.

"He defeated his self first, I guess."

The paramedics came and took Leo Warren's body. The school is on lockdown until his burial.

"Leo Warren will always be on my heart." Alicia begins and ends her speech with one sentence, her voice breaking as she says it. She looks so worn down and lost. And I guess, also weak since her friends hold her in coming down from the stage.

I stand up next. A memorial service is dedicated to Leo Warren today. Everyone came and grieved. Those who were close to him, those who weren't, and those who didn't even know him till the news of his death broke out. I've been tasked to say something, too, since I was the closest among the teachers with Leo.