the rise and fall of spongebob squarepants

- snailnip -

you've probably heard of spongebob. a megastar in bikini bottom. well, you're about to hear the beginnings of a new portion of spongebob's life; one you would never see on tv.

and guess what? he's my dad.

~
one day, spongebob, my father, was working at the krusty krab. he was unhappy, some might even say depressed. he felt as if he could not reach any new points in life. he had been stuck in the same driving school for 15 years, he dropped out of high school, and he could never get another job anywhere but the same old fast food joint.

one night, he was sitting alone in the living room. out of the corner of spongebob's eye, he could see an empty bag of snailnip, ripped open. in a moment of shock, he froze.

"gary?" he called out tentatively.

there was no reply, only a quiet thud from the floor above. spongebob rushed up the rickety stairs to find his snail, pale and keeled over, his shell slightly cracked from the wood floor.

spongebob bolted over to the shell phone, dialing 911 as fast as he could.

"hello?! 911???" he called out, pain evident in his voice.
"hello sir," the voice on the other end replied.
"m-my snail!! he overdosed!!" spongebob cried.
"sir, calm down. it's ok. i'm sure your snail is okay."
"he's not!!! he's on the ground!! his eyes... they're lifeless, faint."
"sir, we don't treat snails."
"what do i do???"
"call the vet."
"there is no vet, beach. this is the ocean."
"oh. i'm sorry. i just can't help you."

she hung up. spongebob was devastated. he collapsed onto his knees in front of his beloved snail. gary did not move... no... he let out a small, final... meow.

spongebob sobbed.

"no, gary! stay with me! please! life is worthless without you!" spongebob said, picking up thethe cold, motionless snail and rocking gary in his arms.

gary did not meow again.

spongebob cried out into the empty room, "a-alexa... play despacito..."
"i'm sorry, that song is unavailable," alexa replied.

the room went silent, except for spongebob's dramatic sobbing.