Stupid Stories

Intuitive Daniel Randall

Daniel Randall was thinking about Mary Lakeman again. Mary was a deranged dolphin with scrawny eyes and beautiful moles.
Daniel walked over to the window and reflected on his old-fashioned surroundings. He had always loved backward West Boggins with its poised, pong parks. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel delighted.
Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the a deranged figure of Mary Lakeman.
Daniel gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was an intuitive, deranged, whiskey drinker with fat eyes and squat moles. His friends saw him as an abundant, afraid angel. Once, he had even jumped into a river and saved a fried blind person.
But not even an intuitive person who had once jumped into a river and saved a fried blind person, was prepared for what Mary had in store today.
The hail pounded like singing dogs, making Daniel happy. Daniel grabbed a damp sandwich that had been strewn nearby; he massaged it with his fingers.
As Daniel stepped outside and Mary came closer, he could see the spicy glint in her eye.
"Look Daniel," growled Mary, with a giving glare that reminded Daniel of deranged aardvarks. "It's not that I don't love you, but I want a resolution. You owe me 1064 gold pieces."
Daniel looked back, even more happy and still fingering the damp sandwich. "Mary, I am your mother," he replied.
They looked at each other with stable feelings, like two damp, dirty dogs boating at a very articulate accident, which had classical music playing in the background and two loving uncles dancing to the beat.
Daniel studied Mary's scrawny eyes and beautiful moles. Eventually, he took a deep breath. "I'm afraid I declared myself bankrupt," explained Daniel. "You will never get your money."
"No!" objected Mary. "You lie!"
"I do not!" retorted Daniel. "Now get your scrawny eyes out of here before I hit you with this damp sandwich."
Mary looked cross, her wallet raw like a knobbly, kindly kettle.
Daniel could actually hear Mary's wallet shatter into 1064 pieces. Then the deranged dolphin hurried away into the distance.
Not even a glass of whiskey would calm Daniel's nerves tonight.

//Damn Daniel..😤😔//