The Skeleton & The Carpenter

#67 vs. #76

Huh, thought Roger, unsure whether or not he found this turn of events surprising. Interesting, certainly, but he knew that he should have seen it coming.

On stage, Hardware Guy failed to suppress the sneer on his face as he shook hands with the cockily beaming Bellvins. As this was Roger's first time seeing Bellvins, he leaned forward in his seat and squinted to get a good look at him. His thick head of brown hair was styled into a tall pompadour. On his forehead, above his aviator glasses, were deep creases, the product of years of deep concentration at the workbench. His thin, weak chin was covered with a full beard. Roger thought him rather scrawny, as he was barely taller than Hardware Guy but looked a fraction of his weight. His faded grey tee-shirt and denim jeans hung baggily from his bony frame, and his brown leather tool belt looked too big for him. Regardless of his thin build and small proportions, Roger noted that John Bellvins carried himself with unwavering confidence.

"THEIR CHALLENGE, THE FINAL CHALLENGE, IS TO BUILD A CATWALK, NO LONGER THAN SEVEN FEET AND NOT SHORTER THAN FIVE FEET, WITH A SAFETY RAILING ON BOTH SIDES!"

He's got this in the bag! Roger thought, now secure in the knowledge that Sixty-Seven had an advantage over Seventy-Six. Plus, John Bellvins was sporting a well-groomed full beard, but it was neatly trimmed and therefore could not give him the kind of help his opponent's mustache could.

"AND THEY'RE OFF! BOTH CHALLENGERS APPEAR TO HAVE THE SAME IDEA – THEY'VE BEGUN GRABBING ALL OF THE LUMBER THEY NEED AND ARE FEEDING IT THROUGH THE SURFACER. HARDWARE GUY TAKES AN EARLY LEAD THANKS TO HIS MUSTACHE – HE'S MOVING TWICE AS MUCH WOOD AS BELLVINS!

"...HARDWARE GUY, ALREADY IN THE LEAD, IS MAKING QUICK WORK OF HIS VERTICAL SUPPORT BEAMS. HIS HANDS ARE PUTTING SEVEN OF THEM ACROSS THE LEFT OF HIS CATWALK WHILE HIS MUSTACHE PUTS ANOTHER SEVEN ON THE RIGHT! BELLVINS IS LIKELY SWEATING NOW!"

He was.
"...CUTTING CORNERS TO GAIN ON HARDWARE GUY, BELLVINS APPEARS TO HAVE ONLY USED FOUR VERTICAL SUPPORTS ON EACH SIDE, IN A 'W' PATTERN. HE'S PROBABLY WISHING HE HAD LET HIS FACIAL HAIR GROW A LITTLE LONGER RIGHT ABOUT NOW!

"...WAIT JUST A MINUTE, FOLKS! PERHAPS HARDWARE GUY DOES NOT HAVE THIS QUITE AS UNDER CONTROL AS WE HAVE BEEN LED TO BELIEVE. HE LOOKS LIKE HE'S HAVING SOME TROUBLE WITH THE FIRST OF HIS TWO RAILINGS! HE'S ATTEMPTING TO HOLD THE END FARTHEST FROM HIM WITH HIS MUSTACHE TO CUT A FEW FEET OFF OF IT VIA THE CIRCULAR BLADE, BUT THAT PLACES HIS MUSTACHE DIRECTLY BETWEEN THE BLADE AND THE BOARD! AND THE BOARD IS TOO LONG FOR HIM TO HOLD WITHOUT THE ADDITIONAL, HAIRY AID! IF THAT WOOD IS GOING TO GET CUT, SO IS THAT 'STACHE!

"I KNOW THIS IS AGAINST REGULATION FOR ME TO SAY, BUT IT IS A PRETTY SAFE BET THAT HARDWARE GUY WILL WIN THIS COMPETITION IF HE GETS THOSE RAILINGS CUT! MY APOLOGIES TO JOHN BELLVINS, BUT HARDWARE GUY'S CATWALK IS A WORK OF ART! LOOK AT IT!

"BUT HARDWARE GUY DOESN'T SEEM TO BE MOVING FORWARD! COULD IT BE THAT HE IS UNWILLING TO GET A SHAVE? BELLVINS IS CATCHING UP, SO HE'LL HAVE TO MAKE UP HIS MIND QUICKLY!"

Do it! You can win if you do it! It'll grow back! Roger was on the edge of his seat. If he had lips, he would have been biting them.

"WHAT'S IT GONNA BE, HARDWARE GUY? WHAT'S IT GONNA BE?"

The entire crowd was wondering the same thing. Even John Bellvins had ceased his frantic construction and was now, like the rest of the convention center, waiting anxiously to see if Number Sixty-Seven would sacrifice his mustache.

He isn't even trying to beat you anymore! DO IT!

"I forfeit." Hardware Guy's words were spoken softly, almost a whisper, and yet they reached every ear in that audience readily.

"WHAT?" the skeleton was unable to keep his mouth shut.

"Yeah, I forfeit. You win again, Bellvins."

John Bellvins' jaw dropped in shock.

"I really wanted to win this thing. I did. I would've loved to be the Wood Wizard. I didn't work my butt off up here for nothin'. But, 'smuch as I would've liked to win, I like havin' this big old goofy mustache more. And a friend o' mine once told me that, sometimes, you've gotta give somethin' up if it means getting' the thing you love." Pausing for a moment, he winked at Roger. "So that's that."

As the audience burst out into thunderous applause and wolf whistles, John Bellvins took a sweeping bow, shedding a tear of joy. What he did not understand was that the ovation was not intended for him.