I Just Saw her

EIGHT

I tried not to react to her words, but inside I was raging. Casey barely made a dent in the mattress, but I was acutely aware she was close to me, facing me. I opened my eyes slightly to see if she was asleep.

Her hands were clasped together and tucked under her cheek slightly, her knees pulled up towards her chest. Not a muscle so much as twitched while I stared, willing her to look back at me.

One eye popped open. "Am I bothering you?" she whispered.

"Nope."

"Are you sure?"

I nodded and forced my eyes shut again. I couldn't tell if time was even moving, but sleep felt too far out of reach. I had so many questions.

"Casey," I said quietly, testing to see if she was asleep.

"Patrick," she whispered back.

I sucked in as much air as I could and forced my words out. "Are you okay?"

I regretted the question more and more as each second ticked by without an answer.

Finally, her voice came, little more than a tiny buzz from across the pillow. "Not really, no." Her shoulder trembled slightly, for just a moment. "I don't know what to do with myself still. Is it okay that I'm here?"

My throat tightened. "Yeah, of course." Tentatively, I reached out a hand and put it lightly on her bare, upper arm. When she didn't flinch,, I slid a few inches closer. I waited for a second to make sure she didn't tense up or resist, before sliding my arm around her and resting my palm against her back. A sliver of space was all that separated us.

We lay like that in silence, and I was convinced she had finally fallen asleep. It was the closest she and I had ever been before, but I didn't feel what I had expected. Instead of feeling nervous, I was desperate to protect her. I felt huge with her curled against me.

"Why me?" I asked her quietly, half hoping she wouldn't hear me.

"You were my first friend here," she whispered. "I was so scared when I moved to town, and you made me feel safe." Her eyes opened and she looked up at me, her mouth so close to mine. "You still make me feel safe."

"You're safe," I told her, determined for it to be true. When she barely nodded, I tightened my hold on her. "I promise, I'll keep you safe, okay?"

Casey didn't answer. She hardly moved, just pressed her forehead into my chest. I could feel her breath on my skin through my shirt, and I forced myself to stay as still as possible.

"He didn't touch me, you know," she said, slightly muffled. I didn't answer her, my breathing shallow as I waited for her to say more. "That last night, he took me outside and I swear, Patrick, I thought that was it. I thought it was time, and he was going to kill me. I've never been that scared in my life."

"Casey, you don't have to tell me anything."

"Yes, I do." She pulled away slightly. Her eyes swam with tears. "He never really said anything. And I never saw his face. He put me in the back of a van and I was so scared. I started to cry, and I didn't even know where we were, but I worried that my parents weren't going to find my body..." She let her voice trail off at the mention of her parents. It struck me that at that point, she hadn't even known they were gone. "We drove for awhile and then he pulled over, and he opened the doors and whispered that he wasn't going to hurt me. He said when I was ready, he would come back."

"Oh my god."

"He pulled me out and drove away. I waited until I couldn't hear the engine anymore and I just ran. That's how I messed up my face. My hands were tied behind my back, and I couldn't take off the blindfold and I ran into a tree."