only fools fall (for you) | elias/ibarra

chapter three

Crisostomo paced around in his room, looking frazzled and obviously lacking sleep. His disheveled hair and the bags under his eyes are evidences that he's worried about something. He's panicking - and for the good reasons.

It's been a week since his birthday and well, he's locked up in his apartment, avoiding human contact and cooped up together with his old friends - guilt and anxiety.

He's never lied to Maria Clara before. And he knows, deep down, this will not go well. So why the hell did he do it?

Well, selfishness, to name one reason.

"Okay, okay," Crisostomo took a deep breath. "How do I fix this?" He whispered to himself. He knows he looks crazy but talking to himself out loud helps him most of the times, especially when feeling anxious.

He groaned, feeling a headache coming on. He was about to have a mental breakdown when suddenly his phone rang. He swiped the screen and brought his phone close to his ears, breathing out a huge sigh while doing so. "Hello?" He greets the caller.

"Hi, Cris!" Maria Clara's voiced filled his ears.

"Oh, hey, MC."

"You busy today?"

"Uh," He didn't know why but he doesn't feel like going out today, with Maria Clara out of all people. "Yeah, actually."

"Oh." She sounds disappointed which made the guilt creeping up in Crisostomo's chest expand. He bit his lip.

"But I could always make an exception for you. Saan tayo?"

The girl let out a small squeal and began telling him the place where she wants to go. Crisostomo just smiled.

***

They met at a local mall near Crisostomo's apartment, where he found her waiting and sipping an iced coffee, her face buried on her phone. Crisostomo went to her and gave him a tight hug, the dimple on her left cheek is prominent as she grinned at him.

'You look cute, Cris.' Maria Clara complimented her boyfriend, causing Crisostomo to blush profusely.

'Mas cute ka.' Crisostomo countered. The girl just looked away, face obviously reddening, and dragged Crisostomo's arm to the mall's entrance.

They strolled inside the mall for a while, scanning for things they might find interesting. Crisostomo had his eyes in a particular book he saw: /The Time Keeper/ by Mitch Albom. He's always wanted to buy that book but he knew he would never get around in reading it, and he knows it would just end up somewhere in his room.

He sighed and averted his eyes from the book. 'Someday,' he thought to himself.

'Did you want something?' asked Maria Clara. She was looking at Crisostomo with big, bright eyes. Seeing her eyes filled with light and love, that he knows will fade soon, brings back the feeling of guilt and remorse.

Then, he starts talking, his words tumbling with each other. 'Listen, I need to tell you something. It's...' he paused, feeling like his breath is caught up in his throat. 'Basta importante 'to.'

Crisostomo must look really stressed right now because Maria gave him a surprised but concerned look. 'Woah, what got you switch mood all of a sudden?'

'I fucked up, okay?' There. He blurted it put already.

'Okay, um, let's go somewhere private.' She replies uncertainly. Crisostomo just sighs heavily and feel his heart slowly pound in his chest.

***

'Kalma, Cris, you're kinda freaking me out.' Maria Clara spoke after the unbearable silence. They're currently standing awkwardly on a parking lot under the mall grounds. There were no people, except the security guard nearby, who looks bored out of his mind.

'Sorry,' muttered the boy. He took a deep breath (he seems to do that a lot) and looked firmly at Maria's... forehead.

Alright, he admits, he's a coward.

Crisostomo feels his hand tremble. He tries to shake it away and focus on what he's going to say. "Look, um, I don't know how to start this but please, when I say it, please don't get mad at me. You're my best friend and my rock, and 'di ko alam kung makakaya ko na-'

'Cris, you're stalling.' Maria cuts off his sentence, a soft smile present on her mouth. 'Sabihin mo na kasi.'

Crisostomo feels like crying, which is a veey bad option right now. Besides, he rarely cries. He didn't even cry when his mother died but being with Maria like this, his loving and patient Maria, his only thought is, 'How could I let this happen?' Now, he's only making it worse. Each moment that passes, they draw closer to the inevitable. Honestly, he doesn't know if he's prepared.

For a brief second, he wonders what will happen if Maria finds out. What will she do to him?

Crisostomo shook his head and concentrated on his thoughts. What's the first thing he should say...?

'Uh,' he started but his mind went blank. He tried to think of something - anything that would at least alleviate this suffocating tension.

This is it, he's going to say it, damn the consequences. 'Maria...' he says. This is it, no more turning back. 'Actually, can I go to the CR a bit?'

He cursed internally. Maria's face fell but she quickly recovered and mumbled a 'sure' Crisostomo feels like smacking his face. He never felt this kind of anxiety before and well, it sucks, to put it lightly.

Crisostomo dashed inside the mall, making his way to the mall's bathroom. Having the sudden urge to punch himself in the face, he spotted the sign to the mall's bathroom. His mind in in chaos as he walked, praying his face doesn't show any signs of anxiety.

'Way to chicken out, Ibarra.' he chided himself. He sighed as he entered the boy's lavatory, closing the door as quietly as he could. He turned to face his reflection on the mirror, and cringed upon seeing his frazzled hair and stressed out face.

God, he's stressing way too much about this whole debacle.

Suddenly, his heart started beating faster than normal and the insides of his stomach began turning... pleasantly. What the fuck? He just shook his head and dismissed the feeling.

Crisostomo stood infront of a clean-looking (atleast, he hoped) urinals and went on with his business as fast as he could, washing his hands after he's done. He looked in the mirror and rest his palms on the sink, and gave himself a small encouragement, because dammit, nobody's gotta do it but him. 'Kaya mo to, Cris. Just say it. Si Maria lang naman.' He muttered the last part.

Right after he said those words, the sound of toilet being flushed rang in his ears. Crisostomo flushed. He didn't even notice that there are people inside the lavatory other than him, and thay one of the stalls are occupied. Cheeks still flaming, he hurried to fix himself and is preparing to leave the bathroom when the sight of a familiar, rugged-looking guy stopped him. He froze as he stared at the man making his way towards the sink.

When their eyes met, Elias stopped and stared at him. Crisostomo defiantly stared back, feeling like his heart is going to plummet down to his stomach and his skin about to burst. The stayed like that for awhile and whilst Crisostomo may seem cool and collected, his body feels like it's burning softly.

Finally, Elias seems to snap out of his stupor and nodded his head at Crisostomo's direction, acknowledging the other man's presence. The latter felt like he'd been slapped but Elias didn't seem to notice his reaction. Crisotomo just shook his head and ignored the disappointment sinking in.

He took one last look at himself and made his way through the lavatory door, his footsteps felt heavy. He stood infront of the door and stopped, thinking that maybe he should say something. Maybe a goodbye, perhaps?

'Wait, what the fuck? I'm not doing that. Maria's waiting, anyway.' He snapped at himself, and gripped the door handle and turned it but it won't budge. He raised his eyebrows and turned it a bit harder but the door still wouldn't open.

Crisostomo gripped and turned it furiously but still, nothing. He cursed quietly and tried banging the doorknob but he still cannot open.

'Oi, may galit ka ba sa pinto, ha?' Elias' voice suddenly popped up. Crisostomo turned and saw the taller man walking nearer. He cleared his throat and answered simply, 'Ayaw mabuksan eh.'

Elias walked nearer until he, too, is in front of the door. Crisostomo felt his breath hitch at the man's sudden near proximity, and shuffled away to give the man personal place. Elias tried turning the budge a few times but it still wouldn't budge. He groaned and rested his back on the wall, looking at Crisostomo. 'Stuck tayo dito.'

Crisostomo knows he should be panicking but he feels... weirdly relieved. Then the image of Maria waiting on that parking lot suddenly came to mind. 'Shit, si Maria hinihintay pa ako.'

Elias snorted but tried to hide it with a cough. Crisostomo shot him a sharp glare, which the other man responded with an innocent smile. Crisostomo felt himself soften and blush.

'Alam mo tawag dito?' Elias started, and Crisostomo doesn't like that tone. At all.

'What?' He reluctantly asked, suspiciously looking at the taller man.

'Destiny.' Elias grinned cheekily. Crisostomo's cheeks reddened as he groaned miserably.

Great, so he's stuck with this asshole. How cliche can this all be?