Levirate [Haniaal/Zarry]

Chapter 16

August 2023

The three days the doctor recommended for monitoring ended up turning into five days and a letter to go for therapy. Harry did not mention anything to the doctor but apparently his mental health is visible on his face. He has decided that he needs to change his doctor because he was not in the mood to see her pitiful eyes when he comes for his prenatal visits without Daniaal. Dr Winston has always cooed at them whenever Daniaal did the tiniest of things and he did not want to go back to her. His files were sent to Dr Corden with a bunch of flowers and a card to wish him the best and offer her condolences. Her flowers are the only thing that brightens up his room. No one else besides Zayn knows that he is here and despite his calls, he has advised him not to come to the hospital at all. 

It is getting hard to pretend to be okay whenever his mom or sister calls so he has stopped trying. He tells them that he is attending therapy but omits to mention the admission to hospital. They both promise to visit soon but he asks them not to worry and jeopardise their work for him. Harry has always been an independent child, having grown up away for work so they both accept his explanation easily. He did not lie about the therapy though. Dr Corden warned that the baby can feel his stress levels and will be impacted by them so he agreed to go. It is not something he would have thought of but he is willing to at least try. 

Harry has been back from the hospital for a week now. He has not gone back to work since the incident and is refusing to see anyone, not even Jeff. He has stopped therapy as well. The thought of losing his baby gnawed away at him. He almost lost the only gift Daniaal left for him. He rushed himself. He is so selfish that he forgot that there is a human being in him that needed protection. He feels like the therapist is also judging him, maybe he can see through him. Maybe he also thinks he is already an unfit parent. How would he be able to take care of his child when he is born while he is already failing when he is a part of him. He cannot do this alone. He needs Daniaal. He always knew what to do and what to say. Harry will never be like that. He will never be sufficient.

He gazed around his room with its white walls, feeling out of place. His eyes landed on the picture of his late husband and his heart sank into his shoes. He had promised Daniaal that he would try but now the despair was like a stamp. It beat down without mercy on his mind. He had tried his best, he had worked hard, and tried to not grieve indefinitely. But even with all that, he still failed. There was nothing left for him to do. No one could say he did not try to pick up the little pieces of his life that were left. Because he did. He produced two dresses for two of the most fashion forward celebrities... But that almost came at the cost of his baby. The guilt and fear wrapped around him and seeped into his marrow. It consumed all of him. He rubbed his belly gently, uttering apologies to his unborn child.

He spends most of his days sitting by the armchair he has placed by the window and staring out into the street. With the eyes that could cry no more, he spends his time gazing out at the street where people rushing up and down the street to make their living. When he feels up to it, he critiques how they pair their outfits but most of the time he just wonders why they even try because life is not fair, and it never will be. They will also trip and fall. It is just a matter of time.

***

Zayn has been bringing him food and snacks and Harry has been eating and drinking his vitamins without any smart remarks or attitude. Zayn has never particularly enjoyed Harry's rudeness, but he can admit that he misses it. This Harry looks so defeated and out of it. Zayn has done everything that he knows annoys Harry, but he has not received any response from him. It is almost like the noises from the video games and his constant checking in with Harry just fly right through him. He thought about asking Anne for help, but he could not because he had promised Harry and himself that he would not mention the hospital admission to the Styles or Fahima, leaving him at his wits end. He needs to prove to himself and everyone that he can do this. He needs this as much as Harry. He does not know a lot about Harry, so he does not know how to help him. He has suggested they play video games or watch animations, but Harry has refused both his offers and asked to be left alone. So that is what Zayn does. He leaves him alone.

He wants to reach in and tell him it is not hopeless, but he knows that Harry would not listen to him. He doubts he would even let him say two words. He knew he had pain inside just like he did, but now it is visible on his face and the look does not suit him at all. He knew the solution and as much as it hurt him to think of it, he will need to if this continues. Forget the promises made. Harry needs the Styles.

Safaa has been calling daily to check on both Zayn and Harry. The 18-year-old has proven to be wise beyond her age and has become a solid support base for Zayn. There are not a lot of people that Zayn could talk to about Daniaal and his marriage to his brother in law. It is not a lot of people that know about this practice and therefore he cannot just mention willy nilly to his friends that he is married when he was not dating all along. He has been struggling a lot with what his role should be in Harry's life because he knows that he is grieving his husband's death but he also knows that Yaser will want to know how the marriage is fairing and impose his will if he thinks that Zayn is failing him. Safaa has been encouraging him to at least form a friendship with Harry and make his own opinion about him because Yaser is not always right and his judgement of Harry might be incorrect. 

After hearing about Harry's condition, Safaa has decided that she will come for a visit in a weeks time when the school closes for the semester break. They built a friendship with Harry during the time he spent in Bradford and they have been texting so she is hoping that maybe having someone else in the house will help him get through the rough patch. Zayn hopes so too. He hates feeling so helpless and watching the fighting spirit seep through Harry's eyes every time he brings him food.