Fated

Chapter 30: Not So Different

Warning: This chapter contains mention of suicide that may be triggering <3

Addie POV:

I dipped my fingers into the little ravine, surprised that it was warm. I expected it to be at least a little cool but it was quite warm even though it wasn't even noon and wasn't hot out today. They must live on a spring of some kind. I dragged my fingers in the water, creating no pattern in particular when I felt that familiar feeling.

I didn't think I could ever get over just knowing when Xander was near me and looking at me. My heart started racing as I stood up and looked over my shoulder, finding him standing there wearing blue jeans and a black v-neck. Damn Tess. I wasn't sure if I was thinking 'damn Tess, good work' or 'damn Tess, why are you exploiting my weakness?'.

I turned to face him fully and we just stood there staring at each other for a while. He finally took a small step forward and even if it weren't for the look on his face I'd know how bad he felt. I could feel it, it seemed like the more time I spent with him the more I recognized when his feelings were reaching me. It very much hurt to see him hurt. This was worse than being away from him all night.

"I'm sorry, love," he said, his face crumpling. "I'm really sorry. I panicked and I jus-"

"Will you just shut up and hug me?" I sighed, shaking my head.

His eyes widened and he blinked a few times but then his arms were around me faster than I could register. He buried his face into my neck and held me tightly. It felt so good to hug him, some of that pain fading away and fading even faster when I wrapped my arms around him, too.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, kissing the side of my head. "I'm sorry, love. I... I was trying to protect you from me. I thought I could handle it but I couldn't. I'm sorry."

"Stop," I said, shaking my head and pulling back so I could look at him. "I don't want to hear you're sorry. I just want you to talk to me. Can't you just talk to me?"

"Of course I can," he nodded, bringing his hand up to my face and brushings his fingers over my cheek delicately. With the way his face crumpled I thought he might try to apologize again but then he shook his head and kissed my forehead before taking my hand.

By the look on his face I could tell it wasn't going to be easy or fast so I sat down by the ravine and patted the space next to me. He sat down with me and scooted close, running his fingers through my hair. It was something I noticed he liked to do from the very first day, run his fingers through my hair. I wasn't complaining. There was something so comforting about someone running their fingers through your hair. He was quiet but I could tell he was thinking so I waited, setting my hand on his.

At first I was hurt by him but after everything Tess said I realized there was so much more. So much I didn't know. And there was no denying that look on his face before he left, when he said he didn't trust himself with me. He was scared. It hurt that he was scared.

"My parents died from a Pack Suicide," he said, swallowing hard and staring at the ground.

"What?" I breathed. That was so not how I expected this to start.

"When something happens," he said, clearing his throat and lifting his eyes to me. "When someone finds out about us because a pack has been sloppy or someone has been nosy, we're required by law to enact the Pack Suicide. Only a certain number of people take the pill, enough that it looks convincing we're all gone. To protect other wolves. When we die..." he paused, swallowing hard. "When we die, our forms go back to human. That way our kind is always safe, even if we're killed. If one of us is autopsied after death, everything would come back as a normal human even though it doesn't when we're alive. It's just the way it is," he shrugged. "Some same it's something the goddess blessed us with and some say there's a more scientific reason, that in the process of dying our wolf side goes first since we spend more time in our human form. So to prevent our entire race from being at risk, when someone learns about us and intends to hurt us, we have to act. Doing that usually makes the person asking questions look insane for thinking our people were wolves and not just some cultist group, which is what we usually get after a pack suicide. A crazy cultist group."