The Cusp of 30 (Working Title)

CHAPTER 11: "You're All Full of Horse Shit."

It was chilly outside, and I hadn't brought my jacket. Antonella tossed me her lighter, which was glittery pink with the word DIVA written on it. It didn't seem her style.

"Who'd you steal this from?" I asked while I lit my cigarette. I had lied when I told JT that I hadn't smoked since high school, and then I remembered JT again, and so I made another mental note to cancel our date.

She quietly chuckled. "Some broad," she said. "I must have taken her pants by mistake." She winked at me and smiled.

My face cringed. "Ahh," I said. "Okay then."

I must have let out a louder sigh than I realized because Antonella took another step closer and asked, "Hey, what's really going on?"

I wanted to say that everything was going to shit, that I had fucked up worse than I ever had before, that I might have just lost the love of my life over an assistant manager position at fucking Save-A-Lot—but she had literally just finished filling out an application, and I was obliged at that point to give her a stupid job, and so I couldn't start filling her head with all my drama concerning people she'd soon be working with. I just didn't think it would be appropriate.

"Nothing," I said. "Just a lot of bullshit."

I felt my phone vibrate in my back pocket, and, thinking it might have been Zeke texting to figure out what the fuck was going on, I pulled it out so fast that I dropped it. Antonella jumped at my sudden movement, then bent down quickly to pick it up.

I closed my eyes and let my head sink back, just wanting to give up at that point.

"Someone's calling," she said as she handed me the phone.

It was JT, and I wondered if, somehow, he could feel that I'd fucked up my chance with the other guy and that he should try and swoop in now. I pressed the volume button to stop the ringing and put the phone back in my pocket.

Antonella laughed. "You're making me afraid to start working here."

"You should be," I said. I flicked the ash of my cigarette onto the ground, and then I felt guilty about the stain it left on the cement, but I knew it would come out the next time it rained.

My phone started vibrating again.

"Fuck," I said, seeing that it was still JT calling.

"Scammers?" Antonella asked.

I didn't answer her and accepted the call. "Hey," I said into the phone.

And then everything felt a little blurry, and JT was speaking really quickly but quietly, telling me I'd needed to hurry up, so I dropped my cigarette on the ground—this time without feeling guilty—and ran back inside to tell Don Sr. that I had to leave. I passed by Zeke on my way out the door, and I could tell by his eyebrows, all high and scrunched up together, that he was even more confused, and I wanted so badly to stay, to hug him, and to explain how everything happened and what was happening now, but I didn't have time. I thought about how I would feel if I were him at this moment, and it made me want to cry.

When I came back out of the store, Antonella was still on the sidewalk smoking. I walked past her and toward my car. I didn't want to stop and explain.

"Hey, wait up!" she said.

I unlocked and opened the door when I felt the keys being taken from my hand.

"I said wait up." She held the keys behind her back

"What the fuck are you doing?" I said.

She took a step away from me, knowing how dangerous it could be to piss me off. "You shouldn't be driving," she said. "You have, like, mascara everywhere."

I moved my glasses to the top of my head and wiped underneath my eye, and that's when I realized that it was all wet and that I must have actually been crying, but they were tears of anger and annoyance, if anything. I tried to wipe the black off.

"I have to go," I told her.

"I'll take you."

"But you don't have a license," I said.

"It'll be fine" she said.

***

She pressed on the break so hard that my body fell forward and—even with my seatbelt—nearly hit the dashboard. I asked her what the fuck.

"You didn't tell me there'd be cops," she said.  

I ignored her, spotting JT next to my mother, who was sitting on the ground Indian style.

"Pull over right here," I said. The car was still in motion when I started opening the door to climb out.

"Hey," JT said in a low voice, making this awkward half-smile that made him look a little constipated.

"What happened?" I asked, now looking at my mother.

But she rolled her eyes rather than look back at me. "Whatever he tells ya' is  horse shit," she said. "You're all full of horse shit."

JT motioned at me to take a few steps to the side. He kept his voice low as he spoke. "It looks like she was going around and stealing from the different vendors. The officer who searched her pockets found all sorts of bracelets and trinkets and... a tomato." He stopped for a minute and pressed his lips together, and I knew something even worse was coming. "And when one of the vendors caught her and called her out, she used a... rather offensive and racial obscenity toward him that I don't feel comfortable repeating."

I knew what it was she had said, and, although I wanted so badly to apologize, there weren't any words my mouth could form.

"I recognized the address on her license and figured she was your mom."

I was afraid I might have been angry crying again, but when I touched my eyes, there wasn't any moisture. "So what happens now?"

"Well, we escorted her from the farmer's market. Normally we would take her to the station and charge her, but I thought maybe you could just take her home instead."

And then all the tension in my shoulders, that I hadn't even realized was there, dropped. "Wait, I can just take her home?"

He smiled this time without looking constipated. "I just thought that arresting your mother might make our date on Friday a little weird, don't you think?"

And then I was laughing, like, actually laughing so loudly that people leaving the farmers' market were turning their heads and whispering.

    "Good," he said. "Now hurry up and go because my partner isn't too happy about what I'm doing here."

    I mouthed out the words thank you to him before heading back toward my mother, who I then calmly told to get the fuck in the car.

The door of JT's police car slammed after he climbed inside, and I noticed how strong his jaw line looked from his profile. He glanced over and winked at me before pulling off.

"Who the fuck is that?" my mother said, asking about Antonella.

"None of your fucking business," I told her. "Get in."

Antonella kept her head down and put the car in reverse, not needing my instruction to start driving home.

*** This chapter might include another small scene in the future. ***