Atlas

Twenty two

Grace

The idea that the universe, in itself, is space and time is a concept hard to grasp.

The Big Bang. The Archean Eon. Extinction of the dinosaurs.

When so many cosmic events have happened in space and time, how is that our space and time can matter so much to us?

Aristotle thought that the Earth was the centre of the universe. Maybe that's why we believe that we are the centre of our own universe.

"Do you believe the Gods still exist?" I whispered to Atlas one night. It had been two days since he found out and chose not to tell Adrian, and a day since we'd been back to our place.

I had managed to get him out of bed, but he wouldn't go outside. Instead, we decided the balcony was as much fresh air as he we willing to get tonight.

He took one look up at the sky and his eyes turned cynical. "No."

"I believe they do."

"You also believe in leprechauns." He said dryly. I opened my mouth to argue and then realized he wasn't in the mood today. Dressed in sweatpants and an old shirt, his chin rested on the balcony railing.

I lifted my hand to stroke his cheek. I wanted to tell him that I knew he was hurting, and that one day he was going to be alright. But he knew that. For now, he wasn't even close to moving on and being fine.

Without even looking at me, he raised his arm and enveloped me in a hug.

I closed my eyes. This is what I wanted. To be right here.

We had gone home the same day Atlas had found out. Atlas had exams coming up and so did I, and it didn't seem right to stay without telling Adrian what we knew .

I felt like the longer we stayed, the more we would have uncovered skeletons in the closet.

The exams were a distraction, but Atlas never slept. He barely ate, and all he did was stare at his notes keenly with a cup of coffee in his hand until it was time to go to work.

Reece called me up one day, I don't know what you're going through, he scolded, but get your shit together. You don't want to be repeating subjects.

He was right. So I studied as much as I could, finished most of the easier exams in a week. I was praying and thanking the Gods above that this semester depended heavily on past papers, and the fact that I had taken notes during the semester meant I had my bases covered.

Atlas on the other hand - I had noticed that when he left for work, he would come back smelling like alcohol some days, his shirt stained with beer, his mouth smelled like whiskey. He would come, slip an arm around me and drop to bed, and the next morning would wake up with an Advil and a cup of strong coffee. No one spoke about anything that happened in Abhingham.

"I like the color purple" I woke up one morning, decided to make Atlas and I breakfast. Just as we were done and washing the dishes, I decided to tell him what was on my mind.

"Random, but okay, love." He turned the tap off. I was sipping a glass of chocolate milk next to the counter. In one step, he was standing in front of me, pushing me against his body and the granite.

He looked at me intensely. I held my breath when I looked up at him. He was so beautiful - sometimes I wondered if Gods really did have favorites.

But if they did, they wouldn't put him through the hell he had been through.

I reached up and stroked the shadow across his cheek. He leaned his face in my hand and sighed. "There's something on your mind, isn't there?"

"Yeah." I said. "Whatever I'm about to say, I hope you know it comes from a place of care."

This piqued his attention. "Go on." He wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted me on top of the counter so he could wedge his body in between my legs.

"I-"

He looked at me.

"I want you to stop drinking."

He pressed his lips together. "That's all?"

"Yeah."

"I hope you know I'm not a child that needs to be taken care of."

"Yes. That's my point. I can't be here to take care of you anyways."

His eyebrows furrowed in a slight frown. "I don't expect you to, but what does that mean?"

I scratched my head awkwardly. It was time to come clean.

"I promised my mom that I would come see her every holiday session. Now that I'm almost done with exams-"

"Yeah, your exams end day after tomorrow. You're going back to the states?"

"I think so?"

"What does that mean?"

"I told you my mom works for Doctors Without Borders. She got me and Reece permitted to travel with her, something about early internship practice."

"When are you leaving?"

I had spoken to my mom this morning, and she had agreed that we could take the flight whenever we were done. Reece had finished and was just waiting for me to be done, so we had decided that the following Tuesday would be good for all of us. We were gonna meet her in Chicago, spend a day with out parents and then travel with her before coming back, either directly here or back home first.

"Day after tomorrow."

"I assume you're coming back when the new semester begins?"

I nodded.

He suddenly leaned into my neck. "Three and a half weeks without you isn't a lifetime." He sighed. "I'm going to be fine." He kissed my jaw. I suddenly felt guilty for leaving him here to deal with things alone.

"Promise me you'll stop drinking."

He kissed my jaw again, and made his way to the corner of my lips. "I promise I'll try." He whispered.