Bullet // Choni One-Shots

Do Not Mistake My Grace For Weakness (Part Two)

Before I wake up, I see Josie's face and forget where I am for a few moments. I think it's a normal morning, one of the ones we had after sleepovers when she could still look at me and see a friend, somebody she could love. She's sitting at the edge of my four-poster bed with two mugs of steaming coffee. She reaches out to hand me the coffee, but her hands can't reach me because I am moving backwards, away from her. I try to pull myself forward, but the more I exert myself the more that I sink into nothingness.

I wake up gasping, like I always do when I have too-vivid dreams. I can't remember what happened, only that I fell, and I think I hit my head. I remember the Sister's arms around my shoulders, pulling me up. Somebody in nurses' scrubs carrying me. Then nothing.

Then someone is there, sitting next to me, and they're asking me if I'm okay.

Toni, I remember. "Hey."

"Hi." I answer. My throat feels scratchy and hoarse. I look around the room to try and see if I can find water but freak myself out when I realize I'm not in my room at all, but on a cot in a room that looks like a jail cell.

"Easy there." Toni reaches forward as if she's going to touch my face but thinks better of it and places her hand on my bed instead, "You gave everyone a good scare. Don't do that again."

I scoff, "Yeah, I'll try not to over-exert myself the next time nuns yell at me to do so."

Toni laughs, a breathy, easy sound, "You've got spunk, I see. I'm Toni."

"I know. Veronica's friend."

"Yeah. She asked me to be here when you woke up. She would've come herself but Ronnie, you know, she can't—she's not all there most days." Toni plays with her fingers and I fight the urge to reach out and still her hands with my own. "You've been out for about an hour. The others went to shower before dinner. You can stay here, if you want, and the nurses will bring you something to eat, but you're cleared to go. Mostly dehydrated."

"I want to leave." I say, although I'm scared that with my legs and arms turned to jelly I won't be able to walk. Something about the way I say it must set Toni off about what I really mean, that I want to not only leave this room but leave this place. She looks at me and gives me a sympathetic smile.

"It sucks less if you pretend it's something else. I like to think of it as a big gay never-ending summer camp. Or an escape room. Or a video game where you're running away from the nuns, gaining points the more you piss them off."

"Is that why you do it so often?"

Toni laughs, "Partly. Mostly I just like to see Sister Woodhouse squirm. I've heard, you know, that she went through a similar program when she was young. That she's dedicated her life to the Lord because she couldn't fix herself enough to get married to a man."

I scowl. It's sad to think about, that she was once one of us. That they turned her into a monster like they might do to the rest of us. Toni senses that her story did nothing to cheer me up and tries a different approach, "It'll be okay, you know. They can't keep you here forever. All you have to do is remember that they're the ones who are wrong. There's nothing wrong with you. When I get out of here, I'm burning this place to the ground. Then I'm opening a club for kids like us, except it's the opposite of the Sisters because we're celebrated. It'll play Lady Gaga and Queen all night long, and we'll never stop dancing."

-

Dinner starts off a somber affair.

There are canned vegetables and roasted potatoes, both slightly soggy, and a grilled chicken breast that's just a little bit too dry. It tastes like the school lunches that Riverdale Elementary would serve to kids like Jughead who couldn't bring their own.