Rebecca Downhill (Becca) has known nothing in her life but a strict father who is involved in businesses with the Italian mafia in NY, an absent mother who has taught her to be obedient and fulfill her duties towards the family, and a twelve years o...
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I crash over her back, still buried deep inside, consumed and worried at the same time.
I wrap my arms around her flabby body and let myself slide on the floor pulling her with me, caging her in my arms, and loose myself from her throbbing cores. I rock her body lightly while peppering kisses on her face and forehead, begging her to stop crying.
I want her to smile. I want her to feel happiness and joy. I want to fill with my love all the gaps she has in her heart but instead, I get sorrow and tears.
So bad and guilty I feel for all the pain she's sweating through all her pores of the skin and the shattering sobs she's having right now.
I'm holding her strongly in my arms till she comes down from her cries, right there, on the floor, with our legs knitted together, and the tighter I'm holding her, the deeper I want her in my hold if that can be even possible.
She stays there, molded to my chest, glued to my skin and I wish this moment never ends but I stand up and carry her into my room, placing her on my bed.
She rolls on one side, facing her back to me as I sit on the bed myself.
"Becks..." I try to speak.
"Thank you, Enzo, but please... I want to be alone..." she replies without looking at me.
"Becks, for Christ's sake, stop pushing me away," I plead, my voice sounding rougher than I intend.
"This is not going to heal you. It's not going to make you feel better. Sex never makes you feel better! I want to be there for you, I want to be part of your life, I want you to let me love you, Becks!" I say, my voice gradually rising in despair.
I have to tell her, one way or another, she has to know how I feel, or I'll lose my mind in frustration if I don't tell her.
I'm not going to chicken out, not again, not with her.
She turns around and faces me with eyes filled with tears and horror as if I've asked her heart on a golden plate.
"Love me?! What the fuck are you talking about, Enzo? What love? Love what? A fucking broken, wreaked woman? And since when does love involve trading? Since when do you buy people to love them? You're all the same, all the same! Do you think that by giving back something you can find love? Well, breaking fucking news, Enzo! I hate being traded! I hate being taken as an object and then wrapped up in shitty love words. I'm sick and tired of feeling in debt for the love I get. Leave! I want to be alone!" she shouts breathlessly.
There it is! The healing I'm waiting for. This release of pain and frustration will eventually bring her the freedom I so much wish for.
I'm not angry at her for shouting like this. I'm happy. I'm so fucking happy because this outburst and these words are the first steps to a new, reborn Rebecca.
I grab her upper arms holding her tight and crash my lips on hers, forcing her to kiss me back while she struggles like a fish out of the water, but I don't lose my grip.
