All the Time We Had (A JESSE and GOLD Companion Book)

1- Waking up Next to You

CW: Implied heavy romance

You awake to the soft, distant sound of waves. A slightly cool breeze blows into the room, catching the soft, sheer curtains around the sliding glass door long left open, and blowing gently in the breeze. The sun is nearly risen— it's early. You take a moment to just breathe, before remembering just where you are— and with whom. 

At that thought you become immediately aware of the rest of the world around you. The arm laid delicately around your waist— the bare skin of his chest pressed up against his back, that mixture of cold-warm-cold coming from those mangled moments where both of your skin meets metal.

You take a moment just to listen to his breathing. You can nearly feel his heart beat— you're pressed so close. You sit there for a few moments, just taking in life. You can't help but release a long breath and smile to yourself. You hear a similar sound come from behind you. 

You turn around to see Jesse, eyes still a bit heavy from sleep. "Good morning, beautiful," he says softly. 

"What time is it?" You muse quietly, glancing around the room for a clock. 

"Who cares?" He asks with a small smile before pulling your close again and just being. Yesterday's events come flooding back to you as you hold him and you chuckle. 

"What?" He says softly. You can hear the grin on his face. 

"I'm just so happy. I can't stop smiling." You pull away from him, taking his face in your hands, and just look at him. Your eyes trace the lines of his face— the sharpness of his jawlines and cheekbones is so elegantly juxtaposed by the roundness of his eyes, lips, and cheeks. He smiles warmly as your eyes meet. 

You think back to the night before— when moments before you took the plunge, he pulled back, breathless, wiped the hair from his face, looked deep into your eyes and asked, "are you ready? Are you sure?" So softly and gently. You remember the anticipation— the nervous energy that filled you both, the excitement, the look of absolute adoration you felt from his eyes. You remember grinning like an idiot and responding, "I've never been more sure about anything in my life."

He grins to meet your smile in that moment and says, "I can't either. I just feel.... right. Y'know?"

You nod. "I just can't wait to sound all official— just announcing 'my husband.' It feels right."

Jesse chuckles and tries it out, "my wife. Hey, that's my wife. Step away from my wife."

You both laugh and you take a quiet moment of contemplation as you look at him. You try to push back the small feeling of jealously that creeps up inside of you when you hold him. He immediately recognizes this look in your eyes and tenderly says, "what's the matter?"

"I'm just being stupid," you say, trying to brush it off. This is good. 

"Come on now, it can't be nothing if you're unsure the day after we're married," he says softly, a note of worry hidden in his voice. He's worried he's done something. 

"It's not that at all, Jess, don't worry. I just... well... did it feel right after the others?" The moment the words leave your lips you watch his face fall. 

His lips form a thin line and he exhales as he chooses his words. He finally says, "I made a lot of mistakes when I was younger. I feel that living the way I did was one of those mistakes. This... it should be special, y'know?"

You nod. He still hasn't answered your question. 

"If I'm being perfectly honest," he continues, "all I was left with after the others was guilt and emptiness. Emptier than I was before. I didn't love them. I didn't chose to love them. I chose, (Y/N), to love you." He says, looking at you like you're the only person in the world. You feel his honestly in his words. "It wasn't good. It wasn't right. This," he takes your face in his hands, "this is right."

You smile. "I love you," you say, your heart full.

"I love you too." He kisses your forehead. 

"Come on," you say after a beat, "let's go watch the sunrise." You scoot out of bed before you feel an arm pull you back in. 

"We can see just fine from here," Jesse says sleepily.

"....fine. I suppose this will have to do," you say warmly. 

You'd pictured these moments your whole life, but you'd never expected this feeling. This warmth. 

"I can already tell that this is going to be one of my favorite things," you say. 

"What?" Jesse says quietly. 

"Waking up next to you."

"It will never get old," he responds. 

With that, you both pull each other closer and face the window. You watch as the sun peaks over the horizon, filling your room with soft orange light. 

You're happy— beyond happy— you're euphoric. You can't wait to see where your life together will take you.