English Rose - Alycia Debnam Carey

Awaking

Here she was. Standing shy, fragile as I was like I was when I first saw her in the classroom four years ago. Sweaty, uncomfortable, lost all kind of confidence without knowing why, yet, now I knew why.
- Let me tidy some flowers here and there and then we can take our time to talk is it alright for you?
It's like I was waiting for her to pronounce another word a the end of her sentence, like a scent of our past.
- Oh yes, it's your shop, take your time!
I tried so sound relaxed which of course I wasn't. So I stood there, watching the world moving around me, my old world mixed with a foreign present time. She was walking everywhere, glancing at me now and then, a discreet smile on her lips. After minutes, she finally stopped.
- Now I'm good! Do you want to come upstairs or shall we leave for a café or a pub?
- Well... I... Hum... Upstairs? I don't feel like going out to be honest, I don't want to have any other people than you and me and this talk.
- I feel you! Follow me then!
Her words truly felt compassionate and it warmed my heart. Which actually shouldn't. I then started to think about him, the life we built, the family we started to think about, the love we share as our roof... I started to panic until her voice soothed me, took me back to reality. I was here, with her, ready to listen.
- Are you coming?
She looked at me, still her smile on, bringing my heart closer to her.
She opened the door in front of us, letting my eyes wonder in her small flat. It looked so cosy, natural and welcoming. It had this vibe that made you want to stay, it had this scent of old wood, fresh flowers and tea.
- It's crazy how you moved out from the campus and on and here and still, I feel like I've there before...
She didn't say anything, she just smiled, warmly and said:
- Tea?
- Of course!

We sat in her living room, talking like old friends which we weren't, catching up with our lives, like nothing ever happened, like we lost each other because of the time and not our words or actions.
- I'm sorry Y/N but... I love listening to you, what you did when we weren't sharing anything but... Can I talk to you about what happened in August?
Her eyes were now concerned, sadder, her smile faded.
- Please... Alycia do...
I just wanted to hold her, no matter what she was about to say. I craved for her touch, her eyes, her softness. I missed her. I still do, I realize it now.
- Well... I'm not going to bring you back to this moment... But still, let me tell you. Nate was not my boyfriend, he never was. Back in the time, I wasn't out to anyone, I hid myself behing a lie. I agreed with him to play everyone and pretend I had a boyfriend while we were just acting... Well, I was. He didn't few months later. We agreed to kiss in public, hold hands, all the things I did when we were together, when... We both were in love with each other. Few months later, he told me he actually fell for me which I told him was a mistake and it was at that time when I had to leave for Oxford and left him behind without having the time to talk to him... And then... Then I met you and the rest you also know it...
She said with a warm and nostalgic smile.
- That night he was here because he was a friend before anything and then, when I wanted to talk to him, he kissed me and well... You arrived at the same time, perfectly synchronized. No one knew it wasn't real betwee him and I, that's why my friends told you all this break up story that apparently he told them and was a lie.

I was sitting in front of her, never looking away from her eyes. Facing the truth I ran away of. I could feel all these emotions showing up and still, all my body could do was tearing up. I felt terribly bad and miserable for leaving, never letting her the chance to talk, leaving her heartbroken too.

- I never wanted to cheat. I never did and I would never.
Then I sobbed so hard, still the hot tea in my hands. In my life I neve felt so bad. Leaving the love of my life broken, me included, hurt.
- Alycia... I... Fuck I feel so stupid, so... Pathetic... I left because I was hurt, I was so selfish...
- It's fine you know? I understood with the time... I know how bad it feels to see your love devoted to other lips than yours...
Then I remember her face when Alex kissed me few days ago in front of her.
All I could feel was emptiness but still, awake now.

I stood then to put the cup in the sink and everything felt like a dékà vu. My head started to spin, my heart pumping faster ans faster. My lips still able to whisper her name when this time, I saw my surroundings turn to back and her figure rushing to me, holding me before I fell...

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Hello my beautiful people!

Here's your Tuesday update ☺️ Well, I really wanted to write what happened after but when I saw all I wrote I thought it would be better to write it in another proper chapter!

What do you think???
Would you like to read the next chapter sooner than next Tuesday? 😇

Hope you enjoyed, stay safe.
- love ❤️