"Okay, let's be grateful." Bobby said to himself for the third time after he woke up just now. He then took breath as deep as he could and exhaled. He continued to pay attention to his breath for a few minutes after that, feeling his life, so he could be more grateful towards it. He got off of his bed and flailed his arms around as if doing some stretching, feeling his limbs, so he could be grateful towards it as well.
He glanced to the clock as he walk to get a glass from the kitchen. 01:15 AM. He wasn't originally a night owl, but these days he'd been waking up at this hour that he doesn't even get surprised anymore. As he chugged his water, he turned on his PC and put on his earphone out of habit. But his hand stopped after he opened his emails.
He didn't feel like checking some tracks that his co-worker, Hanbin, sent to him, nor he feel like writing a new song. He wasn't actually asked to make more songs by his company, so it's not mandatory anyway. The only thing that the company assigned to him is to produce for an upcoming comeback of an idol group called Winner, and it was pretty much done.
But as the youngest producer in the company, he didn't have a lot of bargaining power to raise his price yet. So he need to make a lot more music to increase the chance of having a mega hit song to elevate his reputation. He envied Hanbin's work ethic where he could come up with 5 songs in a day, Hanbin really does love writing songs. Bobby wished he could do that as well but he just don't feel like it these days.
After a few seconds of empty stare at the emails, he decided to open another tab to watch a recorded viewable radio broadcast instead. He scrolled to find the episode that he missed when it aired and clicked it. Commercials played through his earphone and the screen displayed the studio room. Soon the female radio DJ entered the room and waved at the camera.
"Annyeong" Bobby said to his PC screen. He knew that he must've looked like a fool for smiling so fondly at a screen and even talking to the screen, but these days this is the only thing that makes him smile, so he savor every seconds of the radio show.
After the commercial ended, the DJ started the show by reading some of the comments that were sent by the listener.
"Kyukyukaka nim said 'Jisoo you're so pretty with your hair tied up to a ponytail like that!'. Aigoo kamsahamnida Kyukyukaka nim! I actually tied my hair up because the weather today was so hot, do you guys feel hot too?" The radio DJ said on the screen.
Bobby agreed that Jisoo looked really pretty with her hair tied up like that, but she's always pretty eitherway. After reading some more comment and stories, the radio played a hip hop song from a rapper who is going to be interviewed as a guest.
Bobby could skip this non-talking part like commercial break or song break, but he didn't. He chose to watch Jisoo's expression and movement instead, no matter how meaningless it is. Jisoo seemed to be looking through the comments from the computer screen in front of her.
"Sorry Jisoo-ya, Yeonnam-dong Cutie was busy when it aired so I couldn't send you any messages then." Bobby said to himself. Yeonnam-dong Cutie was his ID that he used to send comments for the radio show.
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Without him realizing it, he already looked at Jisoo's face for more than an hour. He didn't really look into the guest's face but he listened the interview well. The guest were a winner from a hip hop survival show called Show Me The Money. It's been really popular and Bobby have heard of it too, but he didn't really get to watch it. The interview was even more interesting to him since he came from a hip-hop background just like the guest. When they were talking about stage and performances, Bobby felt the excitement that has been long gone ever since he left the underground hip hop stage to work as a producer at his current company.
"Good old days." Bobby sighed as the radio show ended.
The smile that was constantly plastered on his face while he watched the radio show earlier faded and gone. He was brought back to the reality. The reality where Jisoo knows nothing about his existence, and the reality where she might haven't even read any of Yeonnam-dong Cutie's comment. But that was something to expect when you become a fan of someone.
What he didn't expect is how he got really into her and probably have watched everything that has Jisoo in it. Her radio show, her youtube channel, any tv show where she became a guest, any commercials, even a mere video of her walking on the street for a few seconds that was recorded by a fan. He didn't expect to be attached this much.
The reality that he might still know nothing about her despite spending his days thinking about her sometimes makes him wonder if he should stop this altogether.
