As We Sink And Sail

Sick

Perth has mixed feelings regarding the life he has now.

Most days it's an overwhelming sense of joy and satisfaction. The appreciation he receives for playing the character of Ram. The lovely fans. The recognition. Most importantly the love from everyone surrounding him. His team, his very own people.

Then there are days when he feels like he isn't meant for all this fame. He's an outsider after all, and the people surrounding him are there because it's their work. The show requires all of them to share a close bond.  An obligation. Days where his self doubts and insecurities are at peak. And he just feels alone.

He thinks it has to do with him being mixed, it has always been like this even at his own native place, where he felt out of place because he was more inclined towards Asian culture. He got his fair share of high school bullying by being called a "weeaboo" just because he always carried a Manga with himself. But now that he's in Thailand, living his dreams as an actor he feels like an outcast again.

Perth, during these days, loses his sense of belongingness.

Today is one such day.

He was supposed to go for the dance practice but he called in sick. He believes he has his steps well rehearsed for the fanmeet, it's been over a month since they started their practice anyway. Plus he also wants to immerse himself into the manga he is currently reading.
Phi'Nancy is quite aware of his mood swings and is always very considerate so she didn't insist too much for his presence today. Perth feels a tinge of guilt because she always seems to find excuses for him even when he knows he doesn't deserve it at times like this.

So there he lies on his bed, with a manga over his face. After finishing some 5 chapters, the plot is turning  way too angsty for his liking so he puts it aside and reaches for his phone. He needs a break. So he opens his Instagram. It's ironically funny how he needs a distraction from his life and then another distraction from that very distraction. He subconsciously scrolls through it and deliberately avoids opening the stories for 5 solid minutes before he gives in to his curiosity.

Talay's tiny blue DP, a shadow of him with a blue aquarium in the background, is surrounded by a red ring suggesting that he has new story updates. Perth clicks it open.

The first one was updated an hour ago, a boomerang of himself wiggling his body like an earthworm in front of the practice room mirror. A smile creeps into Perth's lips. Talay is effortlessly a dork and that is also his ultimate charm.

Another story, updated 45 mins ago, this time with Shane, MD and Inntouch. This time a mirror selfie of them with goofy expressions. Perth's smile falters a bit. The unusual pang he has been feeling since morning is intensified. He misses being over there. Being a part of the fun. But it's not anyone but his own isolating self that is stopping him to be a part of it.

He doesn't understand these particular days. He doesn't want to. Because tomorrow will be a new day and he will be back to being his true self, seeking his friends and having a good time.

Next story that pops up is of Inntouch, updated 15 mins ago, it was a short video where he was saying something about the management being ruthless on them and making them dance for 18 hours a day. Which is a lie by the way, so someone's hand smacks him over his head from behind. Perth guesses that would be Shane. During that short period he is even aware of Talay sitting just beside Inntouch, his side profile facing the camera, head bowed down and engrossed over his phone. The camera is at an angle which makes it possible to catch that Talay is furiously typing something. He is most probably not even aware that he is a part of the video.

The doorbell rings and Perth almost drops the phone on his face. He sighs because a sick day off should mean he is in no mood of having visitors at all. He contemplates whether he should just let it ring and whoever it is will just leave out of no response. After the 4th ring, there is silence.
So may be they left.

Now it is his phone that is ringing. He looks over to see it's Talay. Perth picks up his phone.

"Hello...Phi'Perth are you fine? Where are you?", Talay sounds breathless with a hint of concern lacing his words. May be he just came out of a practice round.

"Yeah at home, why what happened?"

"Answer the door first", Talay said.

Perth's heart almost stopped.
He springs out of the bed and opens the door, the phone on one hand. A boy stands outside with a package in his hand. He looks a bit annoyed for the first couple of seconds and then soon collects himself.

"Sir, I have been ringing at your doorbell for quite a long time now, You have food delivery", The boy said.

"Uuh I dozed off a bit. I am really sorry. But I didn't order any-", Perth stops mid-sentence as it finally clickes. He looks at the phone where Talay is still on line and then again at the boy.

Perth can feel the heat rise on his neck as he quickly takes the food package and mumbles a few more apologies.

"I'll get my wallet", Perth said in a sheepish voice.

"No need Sir, It's already been paid". And with that the boy left.

Once inside he brings the phone to his ear.

'Erm...the food-", Perth suddenly realises that he can't talk. He is still a bit dazed at what exactly just happened.

"Phi I heard from Phi'Nancy that you are sick. I thought no one would be there to take care of you so I ordered some Rice porridge just in case. You don't have lunch in an hour anyway so I just...And you were not answering the door so the delivery guy called me over as I forgot to change the number to yours while ordering the food, and I was so worried because you are sick and....uhh just eat it before it gets cold ok?", Talay sounds breathless again but this time it's because he's rambling.

Perth listens and he is suddenly filled with a warmth he hasn't felt the whole day. May be because he was already feeling quite cold and empty to begin with. So it's a change that is welcomed. He realises that he hasn't said a thing yet.

"Oh. Thanks. And also I am sorry at first. I took some meds so I kind of dozed off so, and well you didn't have to pay at least, a heads up would have been fine", Perth said feeling his voice shake a bit at the lie. "I am actually quite better now". 

"No Phi it's completely fine, just take care of yourself ok? You can always treat me later on, I won't ever say no", Talay said with a hint of a smile that Perth could hear even through the phone.

Perth lets out a chuckle, "Done deal. Thanks again".

"Ok Phi I gotta go, everyone's getting ready for another round. I hope to see you tomorrow then?", Talay asked.

"Yes. Tomorrow."

Talay hangs up.

Perth doesn't remove the phone just yet as he stands in the middle of the hall with the food in his other hand.

As everything finally sinks in, he heads towards the kitchen island and serves himself the rice porridge. He eats a spoonful and though he is not sick, the warm tingles he felt at the tip of his tongue did bring about one positive change.

He doesn't feel too alone anymore.

Tomorrow will be one of those days where he'll be thanking his lucky starts to have grabbed a role as Ram.

Perth couldn't fight back the smile as he goes for another spoonful of rice porridge.
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A/N

If anyone is wondering which manga Perth was reading, you must look the answer for it in the summary of the work 😉

Also yes, Talay was furiously typing out the address while ordering food for his Phi'Perth during that short video that Inntouch uploaded on his IG story.

I thought It would be fun to include some Easter eggs which can be revealed at the end notes. Though I am not sure if I would be able to come up with more in the next chapters. So let's just hope 🤭

There's more to come. Till then please leave your valuable feedbacks on this one. Thank you so much! 😊

- Bon 🌬️🍃