Red vs. Black

Chapter 7

Relationships have never been a top priority in Zayn's life. Not when he was a teenager just starting to discover his sexuality, and not when he'd come to terms with it, free to do as he pleased, away from home at university. No matter if moving to London gave him access to an international dating pool as deep as one could be, Zayn didn't see the hype in taking a dip. Sleeping with people for satisfaction and the sheer excitement of what good sex entailed, that's a different story. But having a steady partner? Needing to court them over an undisclosed amount of time? It always seemed boring; he could do without. A few people have been lucky enough to stick around for an amount of time worth noting, but only because they were the ones to do all the work. Zayn was simply there for the ride until the other person came to the realization that, while he did love them, if they were to stop putting in the effort, he wouldn't be there to pick up the slack. He's not entirely certain why relationships never entice him, although if he asked Harry, he'd probably get a well-thought out answer derived from Zayn's graveyard of traumatic experiences. All he knows for sure, is that holding as much indifference as he does towards being labeled as a boyfriend, plus not being the easiest of personalities to get along with even if the other person is willing to carry all the weight, eliminates the possibility of a marriage founded on true love. It's ironic considering if he were back home in Pakistan, he'd most definitely be getting set up with his wife around now, if he hadn't already.  It's a thought that comes to mind every once and a while - what would happen if he were to have an arranged marriage?  One here, in England.

He'd walk into the closest mosque, regardless of the fact that he's no longer religious, and ask the imam that since he has no birth mother in this country to find him a wife, could he? Of course he'd leave out the part about how his eyes lingered on any man who walked by with a lean build, or that he can sometimes let his moments of resentful anger turn fatal when the feeling of fun's just not enough. But those small quirks aside, he's the perfect catch. He'd show up with a sizeable dowry and turn on his charm for those he found attractive in the group chosen for him until one gave in, not because she was in love with who he was (although maybe his looks and wit were up to her standards), but because his well-respected career and native language would please her parents and finally put an end to their insufferable nagging. They'd get married, have kids, grow old together, and somewhere in between, genuinely grow to love one another. But not in any way other than what comes with caring about the person you go to bed to every night or who parents your children. Early on, she'd learn that the only proper way to deal with Zayn's random disappearances is to turn a blind eye to them. But that would be alright because he did the same anytime he saw a large transaction on their shared credit card; whatever made her happy.

The older he gets, the more Zayn's starting to overlook the appeal of life like that, and instead, recognize it as possibly the only option he has to avoid dying alone; people shouldn't mistaken his asperity towards his select victims as an indication that he doesn't want a family.

Which is why with Liam, he's actually making an effort. As much as he likes to glare at Louis anytime the man brings up the fact that Liam was technically all his doing, Zayn can't deny that without actively seeking someone on his own, this is the closest thing he's ever going to get to an actual potential falling straight into his lap.

They've only known each other for three weeks, the standard amount of time for the man or woman Zayn's dating to recognize that he was either a) not worth the trouble or b) an exciting project. Yet Liam hasn't shown any signs of coming to a conclusion on which road he wants to take, and Zayn's doing everything in his power (or at least, within a realistic scope for who he is) to keep it that way.

Since their second date, he hasn't let a day go by where they don't speak. If Liam isn't up at the crack of dawn, sending Zayn some positive affirmation that he'll make it through his eight hour shift from hell, then Zayn's the one messaging him. They're not lengthy texts, just small 'thought of you when I got a croissant before I got in' or 'hope you got a good night's sleep, I'm exhausted' followed by a bunch of sleeping emojis because he's learned that Liam loves those things. But for Zayn, even that's a sign that he's going to much greater lengths than he normally ever would. It's a two way street for the first time in a long time, and while they make sure to acknowledge that they're on each other's minds often, Zayn's more than appreciative of how Liam knows how to leave it at that; they've each got a life to live, they don't have the time (and Zayn the patience) to fawn over one another all day long. It's unnecessary, frivolous, and in Zayn's mind, downright diluting. He enjoys getting to know who Liam is in person, where he can see the expressions that go along with his stories, and the energy that he brings to the table.