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by flourescentelysian

by flourescentelysian

Loneliness,
The way it tears at your soul,
And rips down all the walls you made,
The way it seems to hurt differently.

On the verge of tears,
Too tired to get up,
I want to,
I want to feel good,
Great even.
But I can't,
So I wait,
Until tonight,
When I can sit back,
Tears falling from my face,
As another wound is etched into my being.

Radiating pain,
Won't you kill this thing inside of me?
I want to stop this pain,
These emotions inside of me.
Won't you please heal me?
With your sharp edges,
And glimmering sides?
As the granite meets my skin,
When I fall against the floor
What will happen?
Will the pain disappear
Or will the guilt set in?

Why aren't I happy?
I should be happy,
I'm privileged,
And lucky,
And gifted,
But,
Still,
There's this monster inside of me,
Roaring in my ears,
Clawing at the walls inside my chest.
Begging to be let out,
Tears push at the corners of my eyes,
Threatening to reveal themselves.
I wipe them away quickly,
Hopefully no one noticed.
Stop,
No one noticed,
Don't worry,
They never do.

Torn,
Pulled in two different directions,
Is this what it feels like to be Gemini?
I don't know,
But,
Sometimes, I cry, I want someone to notice,
This pain welling inside of me.
But then,
Later,
I hide,
I realize,
I don't want the type of help they have to give.
Stern scolding and crying,
I want the type where someone accepts,
Pulling you into a warm embrace,
Helping you through the pain,
Instead of sitting back and telling you what to do.

I think,
That I am scared to feel happy,
Because,
Every time I do,
It was all fake.

These people feel like robots,
Unloving,
Uncaring,
Like they are blind to the way others are in pain.
Like this pain is invisible,
But it's not.

This pain shows itself in the way we walk,
And talk,
And eat,
The way we reminisce of other human beings,
The way we long for touch.
To be loved and love back,
Relentlessly,
Forever.
But that seems impossible,
Through this pain we suffer,
It all seems impossible.

We long for the day that the light will return,
When flowers grow through our wounds,
And the forest holds us in their warm embrace.
When the wind comes and wipes the tears from our eyes.
When the pain inside of us is killed and the scars have been healed.
When we are something more than the pain inside us.
Something more powerful.
Something beautiful.

100

There are so many people on this planet,
Why do I feel so alone?
I know so may people love me?
But why is it not shown?
This world is filled with so many wonderful people,
But why am I at home?
I want to go,
Meet people,
But I always choose the seemingly opposite.