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Oof is my updates have gone to whack so ignore that.

I walk into the apartment happier than I was. Kacchan had walked me home and had started calling my zuki again. Its childish I know. That was his excuse, But that name means more than I could describe. It's a warm happy filled nickname, but it has hidden emotions. Like everything I'm too dense to notice. And when I do it may be too late. I shake my head shifting that thought. Well no I just push it to nag at the back of my brain. Sadly It will have to do.

Gosh...All this stress is really starting to getting to me.

I can't help but let my mind wander. How would it have turned out if I'd hade a quirk?

What would have happened if I became a villain after my dreams were crushed?

But mostly. What would be different if people believe in me?

It's a heavy topic and I can already feel the headache rolling in, that does little to stop me. It's like a flood of memories that wipe my brain of any rational thinking. There's nothing but a small pit full of anger, regret, sadness and worst pain.

The kind of pain that never really goes away. It dulls but never fades. It's a feeling so intense it easily springs people into meltdowns. In fact I'm surprised I haven't had one yet. One is overdue.

Everyone has experienced this pain. It could happen at any age, time, place. If your lucky it will happen in later life. You won't have to deal with it as much. If it happens at a young age you have to find ways to ignore it. That's were it becomes dangerous. It has a way of manipulating your mind. It gets you addicted to a high that only temporarily fills the pain. Most people can't live long like that.

There is like always, an exception. If you can find a good way to cope, a way that doesn't kill your body and mind, at least not too much, then you'll be free. The pain won't bother you as much. It will vanish into you deepest volt. Locked away.

It gets me thinking of what my "outlet" is. The cafe? My friends? No they help me cope but they're not the main focus. Unlike...

Vigilante.

That's my addictive high. The rush of adrenaline, forcing its way around my body. Making me shake in anticipation. Make my eyes wider and my toes tingle. The emotions I put into my every move. Crafting them with precision and care. The satisfaction when you limbs burn as you start coming down. Back to your senses.

And the anger you let out on your opponent(s). That's the worst and best part. All the raw emotion that's pent up finally can set free. The best part is the guilt free feeling knowing they deserve it. Knowing that your anger is helping protect and safe lives. Filling you up. Raising you higher and higher till you reach that euphoria.

However there is always negative. Cons to all the pros. The nagging voice that tells you off for enjoying such a violent game. And it is, a game I mean. Each fight split between players. Each punch,kick or drop a move you place. You start unknowing of who will win. You play for your life. The highest bet you can make. You accept without thinking and charge into the void disregarding anything else.

The higher the bet the bigger the rush. I can see how gamblers feel. How fast it is to get addicted. The uncertainty that lingers.  It all adds to the rush. Adrenaline, nerves its all the same really. And the winner walks away to feel it another day.

By the time I snap out of my thoughts the headache has turned into a full migraine. I should have see it coming. I scold myself for getting lost in thought. I've been trying so hard not to. Since I lose all feelings of time. I can't focus on anything other than the rabbit hole I fell down.

I let out a sigh massaging my temples. I need to relax.

The time is around six and mama is out on a shift. She claims it's a favour for a friend. I think people are taking advantage of her kindness.

The cafe doesn't open on weekends. As strange as that may sound I don't loose many customers.
My regulars understand I'm young and that I need breaks too.

I start thinking to myself. I won't leave for patrol for another 3 or so hours.

Every part of me screams not to patrol. Telling me I'm too tired. And that stress is literally being the downfall of my mind. I can see why tho, when I'm distracted I tent to slip up.

I'll decide later for now What could I do? Maybe take a nap? Or a bath? Yes I'll take a bath relax and think over my day. I head to the bathroom and start the water. The steam rising from the pooling water has me eagerly awaiting the bliss I'm sure to feel.

I add in some oil and bubbles since I'm still a child. Come at me. And switch the taps off. Dipping one foot in is enough to have me letting out a happy sigh. I allow myself to relax fully sinking my body down and submerging my muscles in the heat.

It really is bliss. I can feel all tension uncoiling and seeping out of every ache. Stress drips out of every pour.

I inhale the fresh sent and let it slowly melt my mind. Cleaning any and all thoughts from within. I look back at the week remembering all the positives. I want nothing to ruin this moment.

Of course being me something will.

I'm allowing Izuku the rest he deserves. My poor baby has been through a lot. Aaaand it's going to get worse haha sue me!
-Starry

F.I.T.H bnha/mha vigilante AU  Bakugo todoroki Shinso midoriya Where stories live. Discover now