Green with envy | Wicked | Book 1/3

Nessa

"Elphaba" I hear my father shout at my sister, waking me up.
I see my sister scurry from her bed to meet our angry father.
I feel bad for her.
She come back a moment later panting and pushing my wheelchair into the room.
I loathe that thing.
"Sorry that I forgot to bring it back upstairs Nessa" Elphaba says, scrubbing away at her watering eyes.
"It's okay" I stutter, i never know what to say to her when father shouts.
Elphaba shuffles around awkwardly,
"Do you need anything?" She asks solemnly, "father is going out today."
I'm so exited, a whole day with just me and Elphie.
I snuggle down under my blanket,
I wish we had a better relationship, I understand why she wouldn't like me, I'm the favourite but that's because I'm paralysed, everything I have is because of sympathy for my condition.
I hate myself because of it.
Me and Elphaba both have horrible birth defects.
With me being unable to walk and her being.
Well...
Green.
I know people make fun of her at school for it and I can't help her.
I used to go to school but father took me out of it because of something Elphaba did.
I've never seen someone like me before, I guess I could say the same about Elphie.
But I've never seen another person who's paralysed, I've seen old people in wheelchairs but never any children.

My sister is quite remarkable though, She has this miraculous ability that comes out sometimes, it's like she can move things with her mind and make strange things occur.
Some child at school crashed into me and my chair rocked and in attempt to help Elphaba cast a spell on the chair, but she couldn't control it and it tipped over, it wasn't her fault but father was furious.
I have had private tutors since.
The kids at school don't seem to care that Elphaba is the daughter of the governor.
I don't think my father cares about Elphaba either.
I would stand up to him.
But I'm so terrified that he will stop caring about me and I can't do anything for myself.
That's why I want to have a better relationship with Elphie, I don't want her to be helping me out of fear of our father, I want her to help me because she loves me.
I do love her, I just find it hard to show it.
She has the one thing that I want the most in the world.
She can walk.

"What do you want to do today?" Elphie asks,
I glance over at my chair that Elphaba parked beside the door,
Suddenly our father bursts in.
He looks at my chair, then at me.
"Elphaba" he growls "get your sister in her chair at once, how dare you leave her bedridden"
Elphie sighs and carries me into my chair.
My father bends down and hugs me.
I hug back.
"Goodbye darling, I shall be back later today" he says to me.
After that my father leaves me and Elphaba alone.
I glance at my sister, she looks so shaken.
"I... um" I feel so awkward, I truly feel bad for her, but father has never shouted at me so I don't know what it's like.
"Hungry?" Elphie asks
I smile at her,
"No, not really"
"Well tell me if your are" she says
"Elphie"
She jumps to my side,
"Yes?"
I look mournfully at her,
"I wish father wouldn't yell at you so much"
"I wish that too" she says sadly, "still, I probably deserve it"
Her face drops into a frown,
"Don't say that" I say pushing myself towards her "father is just very overprotective"
Elphaba rolls her eyes,
"So" I say braking the silence "how's school?"
"Boring"
She says that every time, I just want to know what it's like, I miss being around other children.
And I miss seeing Elphie all the time.
"Maybe you should ask father if you could be tutored with me"
Elphie laughs,
"Nessa, father would never let me do that"
I know she's right, but I just want her to stay with me all the time, I hate asking father for help with things.
I want him to think I'm independent, a good governor needs to be independent.

Elphaba goes into our bathroom and I'm left alone, I look at mine and Elphies shelf's.
Mine is full of porcelain dolls and Elphabas is covered in books.
Father buys me dolls all the time.
I am very attached to them, they are so perfect yet so fragile.
Father says that's what I'm like.
I hate being the way I am, I just makes everything so difficult, My father Is always fussing over me and He does not have the greatest temper.
Elphie emerges from the toilet and flaps her hands around frantically to dry them.
I laugh.
She's thirteen and still does things like that, she sees that I'm finding it funny and does it again.
"Elphie stop it! You looks so silly" I giggle.
I know that a ten year old shouldn't be laughing at such silly behaviour, but I can't help it.
I'm always told how grown up I act but it's not real, I pretend to be grown up so that people respect me.
I wish I could be like a normal kid, I would give anything to be able to run around and play.
Elphaba finally stops waving her arms around and sits down on the floor, but she accidentally steps on one of my toys and yells.
"my foot!" She exclaims rubbing it fiercely.
I look down at my own feet, I can't feel anything.
When I was younger I used to pinch my legs every so often to try and feel something, when that didn't work I switched to lying on my bed for hours and trying to wiggle my toes.
After a while I would just stare at my legs and scream.
That's when I realised that I had to grow up.
When I born my legs were all tangled and red, father took me to practically every doctor In Oz but they all told him that they couldn't help me, so I was left without motion in my legs.
I believe the fancy term for it is paralysis.
I look down at my sister, she's still rubbing her foot but she's stood more like a flamingo now, rather than being curled up on the floor.
"Is your foot alright Elphie?" I ask gently, trying to look away from my own feet.
She looks up,
"Yeah I'm fine" Elphaba also looks, hesitantly at my feet and back down at her own, she picks up the toy that hurt her and puts it back on my shelf.
"Do you mind if I read for a bit, Nessa?" Elphie asks,
"Not at all," I say politely,
Then I realise that if she's reading I'll be all alone,
"Wait Elphie, can you pass me a doll and my little brush"
Elphaba obediently picks out a dolly and retrieves my brush from my draw, she sets them down on my lap and goes and sits on her bed.
I brush my dolls hair until father gets home and it's time for bed.