Amorphous Mind

~3107~

I struggle with rejection and abandonment.
And the uncertainty of why.
I can never move on or find closure in the things that bring me down because it leaves me with unanswered questions. Like why?
Why did you leave me?
Why did you lie?
Why did you promise me things and break it?
Why haven't you come back to me?
Why?
I'm always wondering why and not having those questions answered doesn't help me one bit.
And I try to just move on without that worry but then I get reminded of the people who place me in these situations and it's hard to find peace.
How can I find peace in being rejected and abandoned by the very people who should not hurt me, by the people who promise to love and never leave me, by the people who give me hope that I will never be left alone. I can't find peace or comfort in that.
So I struggle, almost every day. Reminded, almost every day of those who left me with no reason.
And I wish I knew. I wish I was strong enough to ask. I wish I wasn't afraid of the answers, I wish that it wasn't me they left and I wouldn't be having to pick up these pieces trying to put myself together with no answers.
Because everyday is a battle field and I'm left broken and bruised when the sun goes down and it grows dark. And my demons come out to taunt me and make me feel worthless and like I'm not good enough. Like the reason for why I'm alone is my fault and mine alone.
I've grown accustomed to the loneliness that resides in me, but I've not been comforted with it. Because I still wonder why and if my days would be a little different if I wasn't abandoned and alone.
Would I be a bit more happier if we spent our days entangled in each other's lives? Or would you have left me anyway and I'd have to pick my pieces another day.