It was at the end of December when everything went downhill. Zayn started to have his anxiety attacks the moment he realised he's gonna perform in front of 50 people and his fucking pills are not helping him. Harry noticed there's something wrong with Zayn but when asked he just shrugged it off.
The main test is on January, and its a model test now before Christmas holidays and its not vocals, its instruments. Every student has to perform one song in front of 40 students and 10 teachers and during the main exam, they have to perform in front of 120 students and 30 teachers.
"Zayn, stop freaking out, you will do well. I believe in you." Harry smiled sipping his whisky.
"People always believe in me Harry and I always disappoint them." Zayn said with a worried face.
"I don't know about your past." Harry started keeping his glass aside. "But I believe in you, you're an amazing pianist Zayn."
"But that's not what people need in music." Zayn said before sucking and blowing smoke from his cigarette. "I'm not a performer, stage is not my thing."
"Babe, calm down." Harry said taking little steps towards Zayn but the word 'babe' made Zayn to freak out more.
"I can't anymore." Zayn said sitting on his table.
"You can, you hear me? You can and you will." Harry said stroking his cheekbone with his thumb finger.
"I will?" Zayn asked so unsure of himself.
"You will." Harry answered with reassuring eyes. He pressed a long, yet soft kiss on Zayn's forehead and looked at him with a smile.
"Harry." Adam, his classmate called.
"Yeah?" He asked turning around to meet Adam who is standing outside the room.
"Mr William asked us to be there before 10 minutes." He smiled.
"Yeah, I'll be there." Harry smiled back and went to take his guitar.
"Be confident and don't think about anything else. Okay?" Harry asked one last time and Zayn nodded. Harry left after saying a 'goodbye' and 'all the best'.
"I can't, I can't..." Zayn murmured looking at his hands. "I can't, I can't, I can't..." He mumbled walking to the window and tossing the cigarette out.
"But I have to!!!" He cried gripping the iron rods tight enough to turn his knuckles white. "I have to!!!" He yelled punching the iron grill in front of him making his knuckles bleed.
"He believes in me." Zayn cried looking at his hands which started shaking. "No, no, no, no..." He mumbled walking slowly to the washroom. Anxiety attack is one thing, but having a panic attack now is the last thing he wants now.
He went under the shower to cool himself down but he doesn't know why he cants calm down. He slowly kneeled down and sat right under the shower and brought his legs closer and hugged it. He sat there for minutes hoping everything would be alright. But it didn't.
He slowly stood up still shaking and breathing hard, trying to catch his breath. He walked to the mirror and opened it to take the paper cutter. He promised his sister that he won't do this again but he cant help. He went under the shower again and folded his shirt to his elbow.
First, he slowly pierced his skin on his forearm and then next and next and it continued. The pain in his arm made him forget the pain in his heart for a moment. Accidently he slit his wrist too deep. Zayn fell to his knees and his heart started beating fast when he realised what he did.
"Harreh..." He said not above a whisper because he feels dizzy.
"Harreh-" He tried again but he collapsed and fell to the floor. Even at the last moment before he closed his eyes, he feared he won't see Harry's eyes again.
First 10 are guitar students and the next 10 are piano students. Harry is the last student in guitarist list and Zayn is the first in pianist list. When Harry completed, the whole auditorium erupted into applause and every friend of his congratulated him for his amazing stage presence.
When Zayn's name was called he didn't come up which scared Harry. The professor called the next name so Harry left the auditorium. He felt the fear in him rise with every foot he kept forward.
The door was open when he stopped in front of their room but Zayn was not inside so he was about to leave when he noticed the bathrooms door, which is also open. He walked in not sure what to expect? A naked Zayn? He doesn't know.
But Zayn lying on the floor lifeless is not what he expected. The shower is running and the room is cold with blood everywhere. He informed 911 the moment he regained his consciousness and ran to kneel down beside Zayn's lifeless body.
He stopped the shower and tied the bandanna that he always tugged in his back pocket around Zayn's wrist. He took a washcloth to tie it around the slits in Zayn's forearm. He slowly leaned in to check if Zayn's still alive and he is because Harry heard a heartbeat after three seconds.
He carried Zayn in his arms and met with the paramedics who helped him till the ambulance. He placed Zayn's lifeless body on the stretcher and held his hand. The paramedic pressed the electrodes on Zayn's chest to bring his pulse back and they succeeded. The pulled on the oxygen mask and tried to stabilise Zayn's heartbeat.
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