Thoughts

An unexpected twist

My phone bleeps.
Are you coming over tonight? I’m home alone. -X- H
A smile appears on my face. It’s a long time ago that we had us-time. We’re almost a year together now, it’s weird how you can still get so happy from a text like this after a year…
Sure, 7pm? x

I ring the doorbell. Helena opens the door in a dark blue dress. It fits her so good… “Close your mouth before you catch flies.” Says Helena and she gives me a kiss. Then she takes my hand and pulls me inside while she closes the door. “For what do you have that beautiful dress on?” I ask her. “You” she looks at me with a mischievous look in her eyes, wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me softly. I put my hands at her hips and enjoy the moment. She stops and takes my jacket off. Whereupon she puts it on a coat hanger. She takes my hand again and pulls me into the living room.
It’s dark but there are candles everywhere in the room just as the dark red rose leaves that are all over the room.
“Omg…” I whisper. “Do you like it?” I see a bit of insecurity in Helena’s eyes. “Of course I like it… No one ever did something like this for me…” Helena walks to the little saloon table and pours some dark red wine in two glasses. I’m overwhelmed by all this. I did never expect that something like this could happen to me… Something you only see in movies and what you hear from friends sometimes but you never fully believe it. I walk over to Helena and take one glass. We sit down on the couch and I watch her straight in her big dark brown eyes that sparkle a little bit more than normally today. “On us” she says while we toast.
I nip a bit of my wine but then Helena takes it out of my hand, puts it on the table and comes a bit closer. “What are you d…” “shhh” Helena interrupts me and she kisses me, the kiss feels so good. She stops and I see the insecurity again “I really love you, you know? … And you should never forget that...” She says while she’s looking at her hands. I smile and I turn her head so that she has to look into my eyes. “I love you too.” She starts blushing and I kiss her forehead.
Suddenly she looks away and it looks like she is struggling with something. “Helena? …” I can see that she’s nervous. I take her hand and try to look into eyes. “What’s wrong?” She doesn’t say anything. Thousands of thoughts run through my head.
She’s going to dump me. She is… It can’t be something else. Why would she otherwise not want to meet for a few weeks and then this. And omg… I don’t want to break up… I’m so not ready and…
“I don’t want to do this anymore…” she says. I look at her and I see the tears in her eyes. “Do what sweetie?” I try to hold in my tears. “Living like this… Living with the fear of being able to lose you” I see the tears start coming and when the first one rolls slowly down her cheek my heart crushes. I pull her on my lap and the only thing I can do is looking at her and crying… How can it be that I didn’t see this coming? I am the one who should take care of her all the time. She’s my little girl. My second half… My everything… “It’s not your fault…” it’s like she read my mind when she says that. “You don’t get it…” The tears start rolling down my cheeks again. “I’m so sorry Puck…” she says. “Don’t be.” I whisper through my tears. She kisses me again. “I should’ve seen it.” I say and I feel that I’m getting mad at myself. “Seen what?” I hide my face in my hands “I should’ve seen it…” I put my nails in my head of anger. “Puck! Stop it!” Helena takes my hands and tries to get them away from my face.

Ten minutes later I’ve completely calmed down.
“For what did you do this? These wine stuff and the rose leaves and stuff?”
“I didn’t want to tell you…” Helena turns red. “You just wanted to kill yourself without telling me?” “No, you don’t get it… I don’t want to kill myself...” She gets off my lap and walks to the kitchen. She comes back with a little wrapped box. She gives it to me and when I open it I see that there is a ring in the box with a little note:

Dear Puck, will you marry me?

I stand up and put the little box on the table. Then I wrap my arms around Helena’s neck and start kissing her. She stops, looks at me and smiles. She takes my hand and takes me upstairs to her room where she starts kissing me again. She pushes me on the bed, the butterflies go really fast through my body and I don’t think I’ve ever felt more in love before.

I startle awake. I look around me. Helena is sleeping with her head on my chest. We both still have our clothes on. I look at her. She looks so beautiful… Her blue hair in a bun on her head. And it looks like she’s finally fully relaxed. The energy is really relax and her breathing is calm too. I feel so happy. Happy that she’s still here. That she’s mine. And will be mine forever.