Such a Darling, Jimmy

Such a Darling Jimmy- The Day After

I am filled with regret. I can't believe what I did which Jimmy last night. Why had I been so naive and stupid. After I took Jimmy too my tent we did stuff that I can assure you I wouldn't do sober. FUCK. I am so stupid. Last night Jimmy told me about his girlfriend- he has a girlfriend and yet he decided it would be okay to sleep with me. What an idiot. He took my virginity away from me and he has a girlfriend! I thought Jimmy was sweet and innocent- and he is, but only to me. It's despicable that he is cheating on his girlfriend, Maggie. Absolutely despicable. I need to go see him now but first i need to get dressed. He left my tent early in the morning last night as he didn't want to be caught by Maggie with me. I fear I might be starting something bad... I really don't need that. I pull myself out of bed and put my feet on the soft carpeting of my tent. I force my tired muscles to sustain my body and I walk over to my full length mirror. I have marks all up my neck from Jimmy so I will be wearing a scarf today. At least its winter so no one will be suspicious. I look at my body... It's so thin, you can tell that I have been living on the streets just from looking at me and I hate that. When i think about the things that I hate about myself I balance it out by thinking about the things that I love about myself. I guess I like my freckles but i don't love them. Mostly I love the things on the inside of me. I'm really not too bothered about the way I look. I think that I have quite a nice personality. I must be doing something right since I seem to be able to attract many men. I have only been at this freakshow for a few days and I have already had intercourse with a man. Back home in London I had a few boy friends. None of the relationships that I had with them were long term. The relationships were always so one sided, They were always so interested in me and I just went along with them because it was normal. I couldn't afford to not be as normal as possible with my strange gift and all.

When I was a child- around seven years old- a young woman came to my house. She was stunningly beautiful and the whole time she was at my small home I couldn't keep my eyes off of her. It wasn't that I was attracted to her although I could see why people would be. Anyway, she told my father that I was destined for great things. She didn't specify what that great thing was but she offered to help find out. She explained that she was able to sense when greatness was near. She told my father that she was just walking down the road and she felt this pull to our home, then when she entered our house she felt the the pull take her to me. She requested I spend an hour a day at her home learning about myself and what I was capable of. This is how I know that she knew from the start that I wasn't destined for something great in material, but instead something great in my mind, in my soul.

I started attending her one-on-one sessions a week later. In her sessions she taught me how to use my gift. She never once told me in words what it was because she knew that I knew what it was. She also never told me her name. For some reasons I never found that weird and nor did my family. I kept attending the sessions for seven years. In that time I had mastered my gift and the beautiful woman told me that I was the best at what I do in the entire world. Even at fourteen years old I was too young to appreciate what I was. One week later the woman passed away. No one knew why. The police found her dead in her bedroom. There was a note by her head that she signed that read The girl shall succeed.

When tests were ran to try to understand why she has died, there was no evidence of anything wronge with her. There was no sign of poisoning, she was in perfect health and there was no evidence that might suggest that she had been murdered. The doctors told me that she passed away like she was elderly, in the same way as someone who might have died from old age. Something in my mind seemed to click when I was told this. You see- she had not seemed to age at all in all of the seven years that I had known her. Something just was not right- or maybe it was right. It just wasn't normal.

It took my family and I a long time to get over the woman's death. We hadn't fully appreciated her while she was alive and when she was gone we felt we had not done enough to show her how highly we thought of her. She may not have been directly involved in any body but me but she meant a lot to my family. She accepted me and took me in so i wouldn't have to go into the world alone without being aware of my gifts. She left a hole in all of out hearts.

I realise the time and I immediately stop my trance. God, how long had i been thinking about the woman? I can't be wasting time here I need to go and speak to Jimmy. I need to put all of this right. I am going to make it clear that I don't want to be with him. Not if he has a girlfriend. That is just wrong and I know he knows it. I proceed to get dressed. I can not waste any time, I just need to get this all over and done with. I put on my slippers and dressing gown and my slippers on and I walk out of my tent and make my way over to Jimmy's caravan.