violet skies / michael clifford

"what are you wearing?"

11. what are you wearing, jessa?

I close the door quietly behind me. If my dad catches me coming home this late, he'll ask a thousand questions. An interrogation is the last thing I need right now. I don't know myself what is going on. But I do know I'm floating on a cloud.

I've just had my first kiss. Michael's warm mouth pressed to mine, firm but gently. My head is spinning.

I try to stay quiet, but the last step gives off a loud creak.

"Nia?" my dad asks, appearing in the doorway. He's the only one who calls me that. Most people know me as Jessa. "Where have you been? Do you realise how late it is?" He seems stressed.

He and his wife to be, Sara, have been busy with wedding stuff. Is something wrong with the guest list? Maybe the venue has been double booked. If something is wrong, it usually has to do with their big day.

"I was out with a friend," I say, shrugging.

Being vague isn't the same as telling a lie. The red tint spreading across my cheeks gives me away, though. I think of Michael's lips; the way he looked at me when pulling away. It's making me blush.

"Ashton?" My dad crunches his eyebrows, finding it weird that I'm saying friend and not Ashton. As far as he knows, Ashton is the only friend I've got.

He was, until I stumbled into Michael's world. Literally.

"Sure," I say, biting my lip. Looking past him, I meet Sara's electric blue eyes. "I'm going to bed. Don't you have a wedding to plan?"

"We do," Sara says, grabbing dad's arm and planting a kiss to his cheek.

I take that as my cue to leave.

"You have a dress fitting tomorrow, don't forget that," the squeaky voice calls after me as I take the last few steps up the stairs.

michael: tonight was fun

jessa: yeah, it was 😊

michael: wanna come over tomorrow night? we can hang out at mine, ill make sure calum is out?

For some reason, I don't know what to say. I don't want to ignore him. My fingers just don't want to move. So I leave it, probably screwing up the one good thing I have finally got in my life.

michael: its fine if you don't want to dw

The last message from Michael is left unanswered. Maybe I'll never talk to him again. Maybe he'll find someone else to invite to gigs and band rehearsals and kiss and take back to his house. I'm really dreading that thought.

I guess the reality of it has finally hit me. And I'm scared. If I can't give him what he wants, he'll get rid of me. Without my human anxiety pill I'll be broken; I need him.

I need to taste his lips again. I want his hands on my bum, gentle as if touching a girl for the first time. Soft and slow. Would he be patient with me?

I'm back to my twelve-year-old heart-eyed self, fantasising about bands and guitarists and boys. That girl is not ready to give herself to a band member.

But there's that feeling in my stomach that wants him in the rawest way. It screams for him to want me that way, too.

jessa: yeah tomorrow night is good. I don't mind calum being there

I'm not scared of being alone with Michael. But if Calum is there, there is less risk of things getting out of hand.

michael: that's fine we usually drink beer and play FIFA, and luke might be there too. unless you want me to kick them out?