i remember watching the words
as they tumbled from his mouth
i remember watching her eyes
as they froze and glanced about
she looked at everyone but me
as if it would make her answer less painful
but when she yes to him
i still felt myself falling
the boy i thought i loved
had asked out my best friend
they both knew how i felt
but even so their smiles never changed
this was a trivial issue
but it was still the first time
and as i ran into the hallway
i felt myself cry
no one came to see me
or check if i was ok
they all seemed much to happy
to pity my childish ways
all of their smiles would haunt me
as i sat against the trees
the tears kept on falling
and i'll never forget what they said to me
"will you be depressed,
because he doesn't love you back?"
"will you hate the way you look,
because you don't look like her?"
the true answers were yes
but I knew that was something i shouldn't say
so i began to shake my head
and went on to the next day
watching them both hold hands
was not something i wanted to see
but i decided to bear it
so no one could blame me
for bringing down to mood
or for crying way too much
or whining about my life
and just how much it "sucked"
the texts mocking my feelings
and the comments about how i lacked
were anything but pleasant
but still i faked a laugh
because no one would ever come to see me
or comfort me at all
because everyone turned their backs
whenever my tears began to fall.
( 2018 )
