A First for Everything

2. Wanting What We Can't Have

Above: Matthew Stabler
James POV

I was walking to my Business Management class, when I realized I had this feeling. I couldn't shake it, either. I felt it many times before, but never knew how to describe it. It seemed that whenever I felt this mix of emotions in my body, I would meet someone that would change my life; whether it was for better or for worse. I felt it when I met my first girlfriend, when I shook hands with the Dean of the school, and when I first bumped into Jason. I tried not to think about it too much because the last time I did I had a panic attack.

When I got to Rockefeller Hall, I noticed the class standing outside the door against the wall. Our teacher, Mrs. Nouvelhomme, had a clipboard in her hand. That meant one thing:

We were getting partners for a project.

I rolled my eyes as I walked to the end of the line, behind this guy who was at least half a foot taller than me*.

*(James is 5'10).

I walked up behind him and tried to stay to myself. I don't really prefer interaction with people I don't know. I started looking at his outfit; a Tommy Hilfiger polo, ripped jeans, and red Vans. Then I glossed over his accessories; an authentic-looking gold watch & a non-flashy Cuban link. I fixed back up to his curly, brown hair. It was only after I stared at his muscular arms that I realized I was checking this guy out. But, by that time I was too late, as he turned around, not looking at me but in my direction, and scared me. 

He saw my eyes grow wide at the unexpected turn, which made me want to disappear into my own world.

He looked at my face, the eyes of which were fixed at his feet, before he turned back around and continued talking to his friends. I exhaled as discreetly as I could before I heard, 

"James Gadsden and Matthew Stabler."

I stood shocked, wide-eyed. I was glad that he didn't turn around and just walked up to Mrs. Nouvelhomme. I was trying to avoid seeing him before he got to his seat, as to surprise him about who his partner would be. Once he walked in, I walked past Mrs. Nouvelhomme. I looked for him; he was sitting in one of the rows in the upper levels.

I knew exactly who he was despite having never met him before. When I walked up, he looked me up-and-down before I came to sit next to him. I didn't return, but a stink-face swept over me as I thought, 'Fuck you lookin' me up and down for?'.

I shyly sat next to him and took my things out. He looked at me before I stuck my hand out and said, 

"James."

When I think about it again, he wasn't looking at me in a condescending way, but rather it was like he was gazing at me. He shook my hand, the size of which was petite in comparison to his, and said, 

"Matt."

He smiled a small, friendly smile before getting the rest of his things out and turning his attention to Mrs. Nouvelhomme.

"Good morning everyone."

Most of the class replied a sleepy "Good morning,", and some a cheery greeting.

"I'm sure that most of you already know what's coming. In case you don't, it's our second quarter project," she continued to her desk as she reviewed our previous project, "Moving on from the Fundamentals of Business project, we will complete a project that delves into managing a business."

Mrs. Nouvelhomme explained that our new project was a focus on the different types of businesses, and how they are run. It was fairly interesting to me, given I have no real interest in business. I'm only taking business courses because I just want my father to get off my ass. I grow up in a family of generational entrepreneurs, and sure, I want to open a few stores and concert halls to sell space and merch, but my real passion is music. It's such a conflicting feeling to want to impress someone yet not get to do what you love, but I guess I'm a people pleaser.