Mario Sex Education Battle

Luigi

"Heya, paisano! It's-a me, Mario! Today you and I are gonna discuss the changes you might've noticed in your body lately. Come on, let's get goin'!"

Mario leads you to a green warp pipe that has apparently just been sitting in the middle of your lawn.

"In here! Follow me!"

You jump in after Mario. Upon landing, you find yourself in a dark and damp room with a projector. Mario is already waiting behind it with the first slide.

"So, let's start off with the basics!"

Mario looks over to another part of the room. You follow Mario's eyes to discover a.... green Mario? Wait, that's not right...

"Here's-a mah brotha Luigi to give you a whole-a heapin' spaghetti pile of information-a."

Luigi speaks up, "Hello, Mario."

You notice that Luigi's manner of speech appears to be far more sophisticated than his brother's.

"So Luigi, what's happening with young (Y/N) over here?"

You find it creepy that Mario knows your name despite the fact that you haven't told him, let alone speak at all.

"Well you see here-"

"Actually I wanna try to explain it, Luigi."

"I don't mean any offense to you, Mario,  but you have no idea what you're talking about."

"Yes I do! And I'll prove it right now!"

Mario walks over to the projector and flips the switch. The first slide appears. It's a plate of ravioli.

"Now, as you can see here, it looks like you got some internal bleeding, which is all natural and stuff."

Mario is pointing at a spot on the plate which has an excessive amount of red sauce. Luigi watches his brother with an unchanging expression.

"Mario, do you happen to know what part of the body that is?"

"Of course, Luigi! These are the lungs. I know this 'cause the lungs have little sacs inside of them called ravioli."

"Mario, I believe you're thinking of the alveoli, which is unfortunately unrelated to the topic we are discussing today. Let me take over, Mario. I can explain."

Mario seemed to get a little steamed.

"Listen here, mah brotha Luigi. I know exactly what I'm talkin' about, and I don't need any help from you!"

Luigi, with his unchanging handsome chad face, simply shook his head disapprovingly. Mario noticed this and his facial expression twisted into one of rage. Mario stormed off to the corner of the room where a record player sat on a table. Mario started up the record and immediately began feeling better. He even started dancing a bit.

Luigi, who had been trying to ignore him and continue with the REAL lesson, just couldn't concentrate with that loud music playing. He walked over and snatched the record off the player. Mario stopped in his tracks.

"What are you doing?! This record's hot!"

Luigi walked over to a fireplace off to the side. Since when was that there? Anyway, he tossed the record into the flames and watched as it melted.

"Now, it's even hotter."

Mario snapped.