Dearest, You Said

Chapter 3: Guilt and Fear a Monologue

Mason awoke up in the streets the sun had begun its decent and the chill of twilight settled over the concrete. From where he laid he noticed how blue the sky was how the soft pink clung to it and the clouds golden halo. The lights of the town had come on not all of them you could see the early stars. Mason breathed pushing himself up  then felt his head sway. Head hung he was hit with the heavy sent of the hot pavement mixed with his sweat. His tongue felt heavy his mouth dry. He had blanked out.

Once on his feet he put his hands in his pockets looking around, people were staring. He could see the question in there eyes their judgement burning holes in his back. He needed to leave. Pulling up the collar of his jacket he began to place one foot in front off the other. The journey home will take a very long time. It wouldn't take long however for his mind became chaotic once again and once it did he felt guilt.

He saw his daughters mortified face as she held her hands up to defend her tiny frame. He saw his girlfriend's face beated and bloody as she tried to beg him to stop. A sudden sense of guilt and shame crashed down on his shoulders and he felt himself lean forward as if he had actually begun to carry the weight. What did he become for now he was no longer a man but a monster.

His brain went back to what his daughter must think of him. She must be scared of him, she must be. He hadn't even touched her today and she had looked just about ready to die. He kept forgetting she was no longer a baby that he couldn't close in the other room and hide her from his terrible side. He forgot just how much she understood, just how much she knew.

How long has it been since she said her first word, since she took her first steps, since she began to express herself clearly. It must be hard for her, it was hard for him, had he really become his father? Was he putting his child through the same struggle and trauma that he had gone through?

Has he forced her to see the things that he could not unsee? has he forced her to not trust him?

Had he put himself in a position where she would no longer love him. His mind raced with questions thoughts bombarded his brain as he tried to understand how far he had fallen. Why he had fallen he realized now.

His downfall was not as a result of dating Monique, it was not because Brianna was born. It was not because he had lost his job, not because he had been injured. In the end it was  because of him. Nothing he could think of or say would change that he had been wrong. He had made a promise to Monique he had told her he would have taken care of her as long as she needed him to as long as she did not leave him. The night he had grabbed her he hadn't even hit her and he didn't have any intention to.

He couldn't say for sure that he loved her but he knew that he had felt for her. He knew that if she had walked through that door and started to date that man she would be on some other men's doorstep and they would never be as kind as he waw. He was scared for her, she had become someone he could hold onto. Someone he could protect someone he could prevent from seeing the terrible things that he had.

How did it come to this then?

How did it come to him punching her, hitting her slapping her turning her into a pile of nothing but flesh, bone and blood every time he got angry?

His desire to punish her came with time. She grew to be irritable, impatient and he saw a side of her that he never knew existed. He didn't like the pressure she  was putting on him. Things had fallen apart and he just couldn't feel like himself anymore. They could be happier.

Yes, they had their problems but they were still working on themselves they were young.

Mason felt hope for the first time he felt peace by the idea that things could change for the better and that things weren't that bad. So he took another step forward pushing himself until he was running, sprinting down the streets on his way home. To the girl he had broken and the angels they created.

~○~

A familiar white car stops three blocks away from the apartment building Monique exiting. She was dressed a lot nicer than she had left, obviously she must have brought clothes with her. At least that's what she hoped people thought. Her meeting with the client had gone  off with out a hitch. Mr. Roman was generous enough to give her another week with her family before she left for good.

Enough time to explain things to...

Would he hate her? Or retaliate and hurt their child?

Mason has never struck Breanna and he seem to not want her to know that he plummels her mother. However, Breanna was six years old and no fool. She knew what happened once her father locked her away.

It was around 7:15,  by now Mason was probably home already. Maybe giving Bre a bath and taking care of her hopefully. Please be sleep by the time she gets to their floor. Monique and Mason could sit and have a talk like adults if she was. It's been awhile since she snd him talked. Mason seemed to prefer hitting things into her, and  hitting her with things rather than sitting and talking. She hoped tonight went well and that he proved unsuspicious about her going off.

She was trying to do it for the better of the family. She knew he didn't love her and quite frankly she no longer cared for him. Monique needed to get away she wished she could take her daughter with her but she couldn't.  Because of that Mason would have to step up and be the father that he never was— I never thought he could be.

What am I thinking I can't leave Brianna with Mason!!! His anger was unpredictable there is no telling what hed do once he got frustrated there's no telling what he do to her daughter she knew what he do to her and her not being there could redirect all of that on to Brianna!!

No she has to find somewhere for Brianna to stay while she left. Perhaps her mother could watch her? She must understand the situation she's in what she's trying to do. Monique sighed, just thinking about this was too much it's simple!

She would tell him she got offered a position as a housekeeper on a work program for a rich family. She could explain to him she had to work overseas and that's why she was leaving and that she wasn't sure how often should contact them because of how private the family lived. The idea of her sending money so he could manage the bills and take care of everything should be enticing.

Her internal monologue paused when she saw the numbers on the approaching door, 9130 in gold. This was it the final Showdown this would dictate how everything would play out. She prayed it would be good.